euh
i dont like talking about my feelings. butttttt.. im about to explode. and since i suck at talking...
here i go, im selling out.
i miss my best gal pal. she's going through some tough shit right now, and i feel terrible caus theres nothing i can do anymore to help her. besides, she has a new bff. one who actually understands how bad things get. i just cant relate to much of anything anymore. theres nothing else i can say to try to convince her . and now that we havent talked in a few days, she seems to be doing much better. shes mad at me for god knows what, i wish i knew. i wish i couldve helped her when she was down..it really sucks, i feel pretty alone right now. ive been replaced.
me and my other dearest friend are sliding away from eachother. i dont know whats up, i miss the way things used to be.
i miss brandon and frank a lot also. theyre so much fun. fun is jolly good.
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i hate talking about what bothers me. or what is making me happy. whatever. my job is to just sit there and listen and talk about someone else's awful or amazing life. someones gotta do it and i guess thats me.
too bad no one really gives a shit whether i give a shit.
everything is so mixed up. most of the times things are awsome, and tahts the way things have been. but im trying to analyze why i feel so wierd. i feel wrong being happy. my thoughts are all crazy.. i dont know what im thinking. but ive realized i cant stop myself from drifting away or getting too far off and taht ive been scolding myself for it for way too long. nobody can read my thoughts, thank god.
i completely loathe school. i wish i could be free of all this nonsense. waking up every morning to go think and shit kills me. i never do the loads of homework i get chucked at me when im at home but i always manage to get it done in time..
its simply amazing how i get off so easily with things. like barely slipping past my 3.333 gpa. im disgusted that its so low, but im never in the mood to do anything about it.
and that whole grounding thing. damn, that was almost like.. a tragedy.
so most of the time i can do anything i want, when i want, and its all good. most of the time. theres been a few times when i just dont feel like it. or maybe i dont feel like jumping back into the bottom of the pit im still trying to crawl out of. but i wanna have fun. im getting bored with the fun im having. nothing is exciting anymore. idk. going out almost every night and ABSOLUTELY every single weekend for a year straight was fuckin sweet. but then i was stopped abrubtly by that whole incident.. and now nothing is as exciting as it was.
do i have ADD?
... moving on. now ill talk about something completely differnt. some of you may know what im talking about and others might be like.. what da hell is she raving about? but i cant be COMPLETELY obvious, ill get in trouble.....:
i like the security of being where i am, but sometimes i wish i could be more free. i love where i am.. but could i love something more? could i get somewhere better? who knows. i sure dont, but im veryyy tempted to find out. but i dont wanna get caught up in all of it. i shouldnt be scared of all this, but im freaking out.
...........ijustwannawakeup............
i wish i had someone who i could actually talk to about all this bulllshit.
ack i need a vacation.
with you..yez wouldnt it be nice.
kbye
here i go, im selling out.
i miss my best gal pal. she's going through some tough shit right now, and i feel terrible caus theres nothing i can do anymore to help her. besides, she has a new bff. one who actually understands how bad things get. i just cant relate to much of anything anymore. theres nothing else i can say to try to convince her . and now that we havent talked in a few days, she seems to be doing much better. shes mad at me for god knows what, i wish i knew. i wish i couldve helped her when she was down..it really sucks, i feel pretty alone right now. ive been replaced.
me and my other dearest friend are sliding away from eachother. i dont know whats up, i miss the way things used to be.
i miss brandon and frank a lot also. theyre so much fun. fun is jolly good.
.
..
...
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
...
..
.
i hate talking about what bothers me. or what is making me happy. whatever. my job is to just sit there and listen and talk about someone else's awful or amazing life. someones gotta do it and i guess thats me.
too bad no one really gives a shit whether i give a shit.
everything is so mixed up. most of the times things are awsome, and tahts the way things have been. but im trying to analyze why i feel so wierd. i feel wrong being happy. my thoughts are all crazy.. i dont know what im thinking. but ive realized i cant stop myself from drifting away or getting too far off and taht ive been scolding myself for it for way too long. nobody can read my thoughts, thank god.
i completely loathe school. i wish i could be free of all this nonsense. waking up every morning to go think and shit kills me. i never do the loads of homework i get chucked at me when im at home but i always manage to get it done in time..
its simply amazing how i get off so easily with things. like barely slipping past my 3.333 gpa. im disgusted that its so low, but im never in the mood to do anything about it.
and that whole grounding thing. damn, that was almost like.. a tragedy.
so most of the time i can do anything i want, when i want, and its all good. most of the time. theres been a few times when i just dont feel like it. or maybe i dont feel like jumping back into the bottom of the pit im still trying to crawl out of. but i wanna have fun. im getting bored with the fun im having. nothing is exciting anymore. idk. going out almost every night and ABSOLUTELY every single weekend for a year straight was fuckin sweet. but then i was stopped abrubtly by that whole incident.. and now nothing is as exciting as it was.
do i have ADD?
... moving on. now ill talk about something completely differnt. some of you may know what im talking about and others might be like.. what da hell is she raving about? but i cant be COMPLETELY obvious, ill get in trouble.....:
i like the security of being where i am, but sometimes i wish i could be more free. i love where i am.. but could i love something more? could i get somewhere better? who knows. i sure dont, but im veryyy tempted to find out. but i dont wanna get caught up in all of it. i shouldnt be scared of all this, but im freaking out.
...........ijustwannawakeup............
i wish i had someone who i could actually talk to about all this bulllshit.
ack i need a vacation.
with you..yez wouldnt it be nice.
kbye