compiled by nicole, myself and various other ladies....
After much deliberation with my lady friends, I’ve compiled a prerequisite form full of questions everyone has added for guys attempting to date any of us. The following survey will have to be filled out, followed by an inkblot test, then an evaluation of your latest school transcript. Finally you must include either 3 prior ex girlfriend references, or 2 exs and your mother, so inquiries can be made as to how you treated them. After that, we will all get together and discuss whether or not you should be given a fair chance. That is all.
thank you,
the V-SQUAD / RES
Multiple Choice
1. Have you ever bought flowers for a girl?
a. Yes, frequently
b. Yes, only when ive done something highly stupid
c. No, flowers are for faggots
d. Does stealing flowers out of your neighbors yard count?
2. Do you attend school? If yes, please list the name. If no, do you have a real job?
a. Yes __________
b. No, im a freeloader baby
c. If you need a definition of “real job” save us all the bother and stop here
3. Which of the following sounds like a good date to you?
a. Flowers, dinner, a movie maybe
b. Rolling dice, hot wings, beating someones face in
c. Dates? I only call when im looking for an HJ.
4. I think intelligent, assertive women are…
a. Awesome
b. Scary!!
c. How big are their boobs?
5. We just finished our first date, on my porch you are….
a. Giving me a kiss on the cheek and heading home
b. Getting maced for attempting a front door feel up
6. Have you ever struck a girl?
a. I thought it was a man.
b. No, I have a mother.
c. Define “struck”.
7. Do you like to travel? If so are you fluent in any other language?
a. I went on tour before, it was crucial
b. My parents made me go to Greece
c. I’ve been all over the tri-state region
d. I love to travel and discover other cultures (ps- this is a trick)
8. Where do you currently reside?
a. My parents house or some other relative
b. A dorm room with my nerdy suitemate
c. I live with my bros, you should come over and party some time
9. How do you come in contact with me on a day-to-day basis?
a. Telephone
b. I stop by your house
c. Strictly through the internet and maybe a text message here and there
10. Which of the following novels could be classified as your level of reading?
a. War & Peace
b. Green Eggs & Ham
c. Of Mice & Men
d. Hustler & Maxim
11. How many times a week would you say you watch Law & Order?
a. I don’t have time for TV, what with all my bro-ing down
b. I think I tried to cop an HJ while that was on once
c. Benson! Stabler!
12. What would you say if I wanted to have sex during our first date?
a. Score!
b. Nah, I’m not into that
c. Have you figured out that this question is a joke yet?
13. When we’re out to dinner you notice a guy staring at my rack like it’s a lunar eclipse, you…
a. Politely ask them to stop
b. Immediately lose your mind and smash your fist through their face
c. Spend the rest of the night blaming all the world problems on my shirt of choice that evening
14. Have you ever been referred to as shady and/or creepy?
a. What was that? I had some business to attend to
b. So I copped a feel or two, who cares
c . Nah, I’d like to think I’m pretty straight forward
Open-Ended Questions.
1. List any and all tattoos. If y ou are wearing, lets say a turtleneck and pants, are any of them still visible?
2. Is your nickname directly correlated to your weapon of choice?
3. How many times have you been arrested? For what? Any convictions?
4. Do you own any dogs? How many of them are not pit bulls?
5. Do you shower regularly? Lets hear your definition of “regularly”.
6. Have you ever used any of the following words in a serious sentence
( ) Jawns
( ) Yous
( ) Alls
7. Does it bother you that all three of those words are heavy in my speech rotation?
8. How often do your brush your teeth?
9. What type of cologne do you use? No, the axe effect doesn’t count.
10. How many kids do you have? No, really.
11. Do you own a car? How about a license? Will you at least pay for my gas?
12. Do you drink? Will you take me to my AA meetings?
13. Ever cheated on a girlfriend? This includes any and all area code, other countries and different languages rules.
14. Do you wear sandals? With socks? If yes, are you aware that girls think that’s gross?
15. How often do you need to see the person you are dating?
16. Are you aware that asking for a massage while watching a movie is the oldest trick in the book?
17. Do you like cuddling? I mean sans groping. If you don’t know what “sans” means, put down the keyboard and walk away.
18. How old are you? If you’re over 25 and still live with your parents, please give an explanation… and make it a good one
*Ladies feel free to copy this and make it your own.
thank you,
the V-SQUAD / RES
Multiple Choice
1. Have you ever bought flowers for a girl?
a. Yes, frequently
b. Yes, only when ive done something highly stupid
c. No, flowers are for faggots
d. Does stealing flowers out of your neighbors yard count?
2. Do you attend school? If yes, please list the name. If no, do you have a real job?
a. Yes __________
b. No, im a freeloader baby
c. If you need a definition of “real job” save us all the bother and stop here
3. Which of the following sounds like a good date to you?
a. Flowers, dinner, a movie maybe
b. Rolling dice, hot wings, beating someones face in
c. Dates? I only call when im looking for an HJ.
4. I think intelligent, assertive women are…
a. Awesome
b. Scary!!
c. How big are their boobs?
5. We just finished our first date, on my porch you are….
a. Giving me a kiss on the cheek and heading home
b. Getting maced for attempting a front door feel up
6. Have you ever struck a girl?
a. I thought it was a man.
b. No, I have a mother.
c. Define “struck”.
7. Do you like to travel? If so are you fluent in any other language?
a. I went on tour before, it was crucial
b. My parents made me go to Greece
c. I’ve been all over the tri-state region
d. I love to travel and discover other cultures (ps- this is a trick)
8. Where do you currently reside?
a. My parents house or some other relative
b. A dorm room with my nerdy suitemate
c. I live with my bros, you should come over and party some time
9. How do you come in contact with me on a day-to-day basis?
a. Telephone
b. I stop by your house
c. Strictly through the internet and maybe a text message here and there
10. Which of the following novels could be classified as your level of reading?
a. War & Peace
b. Green Eggs & Ham
c. Of Mice & Men
d. Hustler & Maxim
11. How many times a week would you say you watch Law & Order?
a. I don’t have time for TV, what with all my bro-ing down
b. I think I tried to cop an HJ while that was on once
c. Benson! Stabler!
12. What would you say if I wanted to have sex during our first date?
a. Score!
b. Nah, I’m not into that
c. Have you figured out that this question is a joke yet?
13. When we’re out to dinner you notice a guy staring at my rack like it’s a lunar eclipse, you…
a. Politely ask them to stop
b. Immediately lose your mind and smash your fist through their face
c. Spend the rest of the night blaming all the world problems on my shirt of choice that evening
14. Have you ever been referred to as shady and/or creepy?
a. What was that? I had some business to attend to
b. So I copped a feel or two, who cares
c . Nah, I’d like to think I’m pretty straight forward
Open-Ended Questions.
1. List any and all tattoos. If y ou are wearing, lets say a turtleneck and pants, are any of them still visible?
2. Is your nickname directly correlated to your weapon of choice?
3. How many times have you been arrested? For what? Any convictions?
4. Do you own any dogs? How many of them are not pit bulls?
5. Do you shower regularly? Lets hear your definition of “regularly”.
6. Have you ever used any of the following words in a serious sentence
( ) Jawns
( ) Yous
( ) Alls
7. Does it bother you that all three of those words are heavy in my speech rotation?
8. How often do your brush your teeth?
9. What type of cologne do you use? No, the axe effect doesn’t count.
10. How many kids do you have? No, really.
11. Do you own a car? How about a license? Will you at least pay for my gas?
12. Do you drink? Will you take me to my AA meetings?
13. Ever cheated on a girlfriend? This includes any and all area code, other countries and different languages rules.
14. Do you wear sandals? With socks? If yes, are you aware that girls think that’s gross?
15. How often do you need to see the person you are dating?
16. Are you aware that asking for a massage while watching a movie is the oldest trick in the book?
17. Do you like cuddling? I mean sans groping. If you don’t know what “sans” means, put down the keyboard and walk away.
18. How old are you? If you’re over 25 and still live with your parents, please give an explanation… and make it a good one
*Ladies feel free to copy this and make it your own.