Money woes vs. wanting to visit Toronto in October
I’ve been stressed, low and panic ridden lately. I think these feelings are magnified because I’ve been having to deal with it without food to over-eat, friends to sit and shoot the shit with, weed to smoke, drinks to drink, or even a dollar to buy a pack of gum. This is proving to be a lot more difficult then I thought it would be; I really hate being trapped with myself overanalyzing everything yet at the same time I can’t face being around people.
I’m frustrated again. Frustrated that after 7 months I feel I only have one friend in this city and now she is in Toronto rescuing her company for an undetermined period of time, frustrated that I feel invisible here, frustrated that men still see me as an object (even when far away in other countries) look men I’m not a blow up doll I have FEELINGS and a SENSE OF HUMOUR and a lot more to offer than some arrow to my vag saying ‘stick cock in here’, frustrated that I got an envelope saying ‘remit monies immediately’ and I have 2 cents in my bank accounts for the next two weeks, and frustrated because I can’t shake these feeling that I don’t belong in Canada.
Maybe I’m just hungry…fuck, maybe I’m bipolar, I don’t know. All I know is that I got a letter saying that Sears wants to raise my credit limit on my sears card and all I want to do is blow it on a flight home to my family and friends. Even if it is only for 5 days and even though it is Toronto. I need to refocus and reevaluate why I’m here. Have I gotten too comfortable being alone that I now shy away from people? Has Vancouver made me a recluse?
What it boils down to is ‘why am I here’? I mean I identify so much with the beauty of the city but can I sit here for the next 10 years alone making smoothies and doing yoga happy at just looking at mountains? Am I too old to meet friends? Will men ever get me??? Is Vancouver just a second rate Sydney in my eyes?
I’m frustrated again. Frustrated that after 7 months I feel I only have one friend in this city and now she is in Toronto rescuing her company for an undetermined period of time, frustrated that I feel invisible here, frustrated that men still see me as an object (even when far away in other countries) look men I’m not a blow up doll I have FEELINGS and a SENSE OF HUMOUR and a lot more to offer than some arrow to my vag saying ‘stick cock in here’, frustrated that I got an envelope saying ‘remit monies immediately’ and I have 2 cents in my bank accounts for the next two weeks, and frustrated because I can’t shake these feeling that I don’t belong in Canada.
Maybe I’m just hungry…fuck, maybe I’m bipolar, I don’t know. All I know is that I got a letter saying that Sears wants to raise my credit limit on my sears card and all I want to do is blow it on a flight home to my family and friends. Even if it is only for 5 days and even though it is Toronto. I need to refocus and reevaluate why I’m here. Have I gotten too comfortable being alone that I now shy away from people? Has Vancouver made me a recluse?
What it boils down to is ‘why am I here’? I mean I identify so much with the beauty of the city but can I sit here for the next 10 years alone making smoothies and doing yoga happy at just looking at mountains? Am I too old to meet friends? Will men ever get me??? Is Vancouver just a second rate Sydney in my eyes?