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[becalmedheart]

i have some serious self destructive tendencies.
which really sucks.

but i'm learning. not without casualties though.

Comments

[huffines]

I hope that everything is okay. I worry, you know.

If you need to talk, I'll be 'round. :-)

[becalmedheart]

thanks josh. that means a lot really. :)

lets just say that i think it's a good idea if i never drink again.
also if maybe i stop trying to please other people so much.
bad things happen when i let myself go in both ways.
even worse things happen when i do both at the same time. :(

[debok]

I'm in the same boat, especially with drinking. If things don't go perfectly during the day for me, I find myself wanting to drink just to erase the day and give in (more punishment for what I feel was a failure of a day.) I've realized over the years that I don't have very good coping skills. Spring is always the hardest season for me with this.

[becalmedheart]

"Spring is always the hardest season for me with this."

exactly.

i was having a great day... maybe i just wanted it to last.
i used to be able to drink ok... maybe it mixes with the medicine
i take... this is the second time (and both since i've been taking
various medications for add and also anti depressants), where i drink
myself into a dangerous place and then proceed to somehow
fuck everything up around me. it's no good. i'm going to be
the person who orders water at the bar now. i have so much
more fun when i'm not drunk anyways. i always feel like i'm
killing the fun of it all for everyone if i say i'm not drinking...
but i just can't do it anymore.

[thesweet_cherry]

Peace.