First Reality Square Root of 169: Ongoing Thoughts Day 3
-AWWWW HOLY CRAP GIANT ROBOT RAMPAGE?! AND IN A FF GAME?! WHEN DID THEY REMEMBER THAT THEY WERE ACTUALLY MAKING A GAME?!?!
-Alright Lightning, you summoned your Persona!...I mean... er, whatever the fuck they are!
-Seriously though, the summons are pretty slick because not only do they fight for you, but you can actually fight in tandem with them to pull off heavy damage moves in a system... almost like an action game. Man, there are so many disparate threads tying together the Battle System here that it all kind of works, actually.
-...Okay, I'm seriously getting some Clare/Raki vibes from Lightning and Hope here. And considering that went canon, not sure that's a good thing :/
-....I want Sazh and Vanille to fuck. There I said it.
-Seriously. Like now. Not sure I ship it exactly but YES PLEASE.
-New younger bishie-Cid-- See Ladies? Have some more yaoi-bait!
-on an unrelated note, what the hell is with Serah's hair? XD It literally looks like she originally had short hair, but at the last minute someone stapled a ponytail onto the side of her head XDDDD
-Okay, that scene with Serah/Snow... was... surprising... genuine, actually. And I think it may have actually made me respect him as a character a bit.
-...Wow, only 10 and a half hours in and already onto Disc 2? Must not be as long as I was lead to believe...
-Lightning actually smiled. Which automatically makes her 200% more of a human being than Cloud. Though considering dogs can smile, that really isn't much of a competition.
-...okay here's a thought-- how many more things is this game going to pull me aside and explain to me in detail? I'm getting on a dozen hours in and the whole thing is really starting to feel like a giant training section. I'm all for innovation Squeenix, but maybe you shouldn't cram so many new things in you have to continuously explain them instead of letting us get the hang of it all at once.
-And another thought-- why the hell is the Whitewood actually... you know, PANDORA?
-Lightning: what's wrong with you? Is it Snow?
Hope: You wouldn't understand.
...HEY ASSHOLE. You think that Snow let your mom die to save himself. OH YES, I CAN SEE HOW UTTERLY COMPLEX THAT IS TO EXPLAIN. There's a difference between being a burdened hero and being a whiny twat and you're dangerously close to crossing it.
Also, Lightning? Um, if a kid is telling you about someone he feels has wronged him while playing with a switchblade and muttering "and he needs to pay for it" with a dead look in his eye? TIME TO TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM HIM.
-Okay seriously, Hope is one good rendition of "Epiphany" away from slitting throats XD
-...So...
...Snow's little resistance group, NORA, just happens to be THE EXACT SAME AS THE ACTUAL NAME OF HOPE'S MOTHER?
...I...
ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME.
I-I'm sorry, but... Glowy forests? I'll buy that. Magical robot gods who turn people into magic users? I'll buy that. BUT IF YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT THE GROUP IN WHICH A PROTAGONIST'S MOTHER DIED JUST HAPPENED TO SHARE HER NAME IN SOME TWISTED SORT OF COSMIC TRAGIC COINCIDENCE AND JUST GO ALONG WITH IT YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING RESPECT FOR THE INTELLIGENCE OF YOUR AUDIENCE.
Squeenix I know that ever since the whole ZOMG AERITH DIED NOOOOO thing worked out so well for you-- both as a way to manipulate the audience and conveniently get rid of a character before she wore out her welcome-- you're inclined to continue resorting to cheap, underhanded means to get us to feel something, but JESUS CHRIST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE A LITTLE DIGNITY.
-SERIOUSLY I DON'T EVEN AKJ:AKSJF:ALDKJ:SLDKJ:LSLDKJF:SLJK:DK:SKDF::AJHKJHSIUH
*rage-induced rampage*
(one violent capture, sedation and stint in a state mental institution later)
Ahh... sorry about that. Back to the notes.
-...Okay, WHAT THE HELL is this plant/animal... thing (Bulbasaur?) and when the hell did they decide to actually make the boss fights a pain in the ass. I've breezed through EVERY SINGLE ONE so far with minimal effort; what the fuck guys? At least give me a 3rd party member for fuck's sake.
-GAHH WHAT THE HELL BULBASAUR IT'S BAD ENOUGH THIS FIGHT TAKES FOREVER AND YOU'VE GOT A BUNCH OF CHEAP-ASS HIGH-DAMAGE MOVES.
-Alright, it's a new day, and I saved just after I killed off all the riffraff before the boss... let's just reload the save and get--
*enemies have all respawned*
...FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU >:(
-Why do I think of the Mammago Garage theme when I go to the Lenore's Garage shop? XD
-Another thing-- there needs to be hotkeys for Paradigm shifts. I cannot stress this enough. Switching/scrolling works alright in lower-key fights, but against bigger, more powerful enemies? YOU NEED TO SWITCH RIGHT AWAY SOMETIMES. Actually, A LOT of the time, since some of these are highly dependent on Paradigm Shifts in order to win.
-Also, you need to be able to edit your Paradigms in-between battles if you need to. If, say, one of the automatically selected ones doesn't help you, you're basically screwed :/
-YES EAT IT BITCH HA HA HA >:D F***king Pokemon-- more like BulbaDEAD.
-Yes Hope, you need to let your Dad know what happened-- so that way we can have a scene wherein he betrays you and validates your loathing of him, because isn't that just what all parents do OOPS SRY AM I BEING CYNICAL AGAIN
- Sazh is a DADDY?! OMG I never would've seen that coming if I hadn't OH HO CALLED IT MOTHERFUCKAS~
- Oh, so Dajh is his son I seeHOLY CRAP LITTLE MICHAEL JACKSON WHUT?!?!?! :O
- Seriously though DAWWWWWWWWWWWW :3 Why couldn't the game've been about SAZH instead of all these disaffected white kids all the time, huh? :/ Oh wait, cuz he's 'old' and therefore boring unless he's slashbait, I see. :/
-Okay, so this point in the game the "Two Towers"-esque team-up-splitting has been designed like so--
Lightning/Hope-- Go through huge-ass levels that take forever and never ever end
Vanille/Sazh-- Go through short, pretty levels fighting weak-ass to large-health-bar-but-really-not-threatening animal enemies
Snow-- Stand on a giant airship and have a flashback about Serah
-...SERIOUSLY. WHY ISN'T THIS GAME ABOUT SAZH? :'( Not that I don't like Lightning alright, but... an adult fighting for a child he loves is always preferable to whatever bullshit problems a teenager has superimposed into some battle against an 'evil empire' or whatever.
-Though, the Sazh/Vanille sections DO have jazzier music, so hey, plus there. XD
-So riddle me this Squeenix-- what exactly is the purpose of Role Levels in the Crystarium thing? It doesn't give access to better abilities, that happens naturally... nor does it seem to have any actual impact on gameplay/character/whatever... so... what's the point? :/ Is it just to help the FF Hardcores who at this moment are whining about *gasp* new ideas being implemented into their precious franchise feel like 'yay I'm levelling something up' so that way they don't go into paralytic shock?
-Whew, that boss battle sure took a while. :P But thank god it's done with! Oh, and look, there's the save point right ther--
*game inexplicably freezes*
...
*waits patiently, hoping it's a slight error, but stays frozen RIGHT BEFORE THE SAVE POINT*
.....gksdjkjdf;akjdf;lkasdj;KGJLDKSLDKFJSLefjOSKEJLKFGRAAAAAAAAAARRARRRRRARRRR D8<
*throws controller away, smashes fist into wall and curls up in a ball before weeping bitterly off to sleep*