Update
So as things go, nothing much has changed. I have set up to move into an apartment on the 15th of this month. I can honestly say I am not excited about it. I am not looking forward to it really in the least bit. In fact its more depressing. I guess because I really will be alone. At least now I can sit here and hear my family talk. I may not actually join in and if I do it always turns into a fight or soemthing but its not complete solitude. Today I went out for a little bit and I just more sad then I already was, because I literally cannot stop thinking that all of this could have been avoided. All of this could have been fixed if I would have just stayed me, if I would have listened to what i new was right, and if I would have jsut believed in myself and believed in what I knew to be right. So now I know what is right and who I am and who I want to continue to be but it des no good. I am not going to have anythign I want because I ruined it. It really does suck to know you did something to yourself. I really wish I could just blame someone else you know? but I can't. So I am pretty down overall. I mean I try to think f little things that I have to make me happy but I honestly can't think of anything,. Its rough.