be afraid of the cold; they'll inherit your blood, pt. iv: burn (bella) pg13
title: be afraid of the cold; they'll inherit your blood, pt. iv: burn
fandom: twilight
character(s)/pairing(s): bella pov; the cullens + bella, jacob, victoria, riley
rating: pg13
word count: 2919
spoilers: eclipse au.
notes: this is part four of five 'times bella never got turned into a vampire'. title and opening quote (translated) from regina spektor's 'apres moi.'
summary: au. bella has different luck during edward's fight with victoria.
February. Get ink, shed tears.
Write of it, sob your heart out, sing.
While torrential slush that roars,
Burns in the blackness of the spring.-
“Ap`res Moi”, Regina Spektor
iv. burn
The epiphany came to me like the flood after the arc. Both fights, Seth’s with Riley and Edward’s with Victoria, were too close to bet on, and there wasn’t enough money in the world to stake on how much I needed both to turn out favorably. Seth was just a boy, not even old enough to have his own driver’s license in most states, and Edward…
It hurt to even think of the possibility.
Then I remembered the sharp spike of stone in my hand from the miniature avalanche just moments before. Did I really have the strength to impale my own heart? The same heart I had only just imagined Victoria ripping out of me?
But I didn’t have to. I thought back to my eighteenth birthday, something I tried to avoid because of all its painful repercussions. All because of one small paper cut. I didn’t need a bloodbath to distract them. A steady stream would do.
My flesh tore under the serrated edge of the stone. I dragged it up my forearm, liquid thinner than cherry pie filling dripping to the foliage beneath my feet. My lip was gnawed to destruction as I bit back the whimper of pain, my vision cloudy with unshed tears.
My eyes met Riley’s as he paused, glossy chocolate meeting furious black, and then he disappeared.
My human vision wasn’t precise enough to quite follow the next series of events, but my hearing intensified to compensate for the lack.
It seemed as if time stopped. I registered that at the same moment Seth tore Riley’s head off with his teeth and a sound like metal, mere centimeters from my arm, that Edward turned his head to face me, his expression showing shocked horror. And then he howled in pain.
Reality stopped making logical sense. Time must have rewound, then skipped ahead, because it was only then I realized Riley had grazed his teeth against the wound in my arm.
I was briefly reminded of a snake who, once he’d locked his jaws, would cling to flesh even if his head was severed off.
And then the burning started.
I probably wouldn’t have noticed that Riley had bitten me, or even been able to distinguish the burn of my self-inflicted wound from that of the venom, if the pain hadn’t started to spread up my arm and into my chest.
I screamed. My veins were suddenly pumping acid. The venom spread to my stomach and I clawed at my flesh there, then it trickled to my knees and I dropped to the ground. But my eyes never left Edward, or the blur that I suspected to be his perfect form.
No. Not perfect. Not anymore.
A piece of pale marble landed near the spot where my head rested on the ground. It only took a moment, even in my tortured state, to recognize it.
Edward’s hand. I would have known it anywhere, even though it was no longer attached to the arm of its owner. How many times had those fingers touched me? Swept the hair back from my neck or stroked my cheek or slid along my ribcage. With trembling fingers I reached out and snatched the disembodied appendage up, holding on for dear life. It certainly wouldn’t do to loose this.
I wasn’t sure how it worked, if he could feel this hand from where he stood twenty meters from me, still fighting Victoria, or if my touch would be lost forever, only known to these inches of mindless flesh. As new flames ripped through my body, I couldn’t tell if I’d ever known the answer, or if the pain was interfering with my memory. So I held his hand as if it would comfort him, as if it would give him strength. I didn’t have enough will in me to worry, the intense fear that the rest of my Edward would meet flame was shooed to the back of my mind. I knew that somehow I should be praying that he’d survive, that he’d make it out of this.
But right then I couldn’t wish for anything more than death.
(ожог)
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
It was like Chinese water torture. Or a bloodletting.
It seemed impossible that I had kept conscious through every second, that I had been awake through every torturous roll of the fire through my limbs, but I had. Yet at the same time I couldn’t remember a moment of it. Not how the pine needled ground had turned to sheets, or if the battle was over or still raging on. I didn’t even know what voices had spoken to me, beyond knowing that none had given me comfort at the time. Every tinny whine or low bass faded with the dull sound of the fire.
I forgot each moment, almost even before it had passed. Everything except for the pain. The pain stretched out behind me hauntingly and before me insurmountably, though, rationally, I knew I hadn’t always lived this way.
This was how I knew I was coming out of the other side. Moments began to catch and drag, if just seconds before slipping away. And then they stuck. Stuck and stayed. Words resonated, echoed even.
“-even consider this. How could you be so fucking stupid! You must have known she couldn’t just be left there unprotected. Either one of them would hurt her or she would do something to hurt herself. And to think I thought I was being melodramatic when I said I would ‘do the noble thing’. I didn’t think I was giving her any ideas!”
Jacob. Jacob? Yes, that seemed right.
Drip.
Drip.
I wanted to frown at the repetitive sound, still plaguing me without mercy. This I could only recall because it had been a constant throughout the change.
“Bella?”
I froze. I must have shown my discomfort on the outside too, and they’d noticed.
It wasn’t a conscious decision to not reach out for help during the last moments of the transformation, once I remembered what my arms were for beyond being extra inches of flesh to feel pain. It was innate. They shouldn’t know how much I was suffering. That wouldn’t solve anything.
“Bella.”
It was a different voice this time. Smooth. Velvet. Two sets of hands rested on me then, one for each arm: one pair scorching hot and the other surprisingly tepid.
Two tepid hands.
An unknown part of me rejoiced at this inconsequential fact, though I didn’t know why.
And then another touch, feather light, against my hairline. That’s strange, I thought. I only heard two people breathing and shuffling around.
“Maybe you should leave.”
“What? No way! I’m staying here until she asks me to go.”
“She might attack you. Newborns are notoriously hotheaded.” His voice wasn’t smug at this, like I might have expected. It was… sad.
“Well then I’ll take that as my cue to leave. But until then…”
“She might not even recognize you at first. Either of us.”
There was a beat of silence, all except for my firecracker heart, the end nigh, and Jacob’s own heartbeat. He drew in a shaky breath.
“Really?”
And another, longer this time.
“Yes.”
The pain in my heart intensified, seeping from my limbs but soaking my heart in poison, retaliation for the lost territory. This was the end. The muscle in my chest seized, contracting in one last contorted drumbeat, before settling silent within me.
The room went completely still.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
It wasn’t until everything was quiet that I could really hear it, muffled as it had been by fire and pain and voices. Now I could make it out. It wasn’t water dripping at all. It was a whisper-light voice, right at my ear, chanting Bella Bella Bella, the strange absence of an accompanying breath puffing against my skin making it almost undetectable.
My eyes opened like a snap-hypnotized patient, muscles already tensed, my head whipping to the side, knowing something was wrong…
Victoria.
I scrambled back along the sheets, quicker than I could have blinked when I was human, tripping off the bed. My back hit the wall with such force that I left a dent in the plaster; I was surprised I didn’t break clean through and fall onto the lawn. My defensive crouch was obscured by fear, giving the impression that I was cowering rather than being an actual threat.
I barely even registered any presence in the room besides that red-headed demon until Edward moved. Closer. My eyes flickered to him, then back to Victoria, not trusting her for a moment.
He stepped even closer and Jacob hissed.
“What are you doing? She could kill you.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward lowering himself to the ground. He scooted slowly towards me, taking care to avoid touching me accidentally. I thought momentarily he looked like a goof before all my thoughts were once again consumed by fear and confusion. How could Edward turn his back on her?
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
He was close enough now to me, so I reached out and grabbed his hand, hopefully not the one that had recently been severed off, dragging him closer. At first there was fear in his eyes. Scared of little old me? But it was quickly replaced by relief, and then bewilderment. He could tell by now I was fixated over his shoulder, and Jacob was across the room.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?”
“S-she-s-she’s-“ I jerked my head in Victoria’s direction, who was smirking at me, and Edward twisted his head to scan the area. When his eyes met mine again he was truly confused.
“What? Do you see something?”
Something I wasn’t worried about; it was someone that had me tied up in knots.
Instead of using my own hand to gesture and therefore detach myself from him, I manipulated his index finger and raised his hand to point. How could he not see her? Had she hurt his eyes too?
“Victoria.”
Edward’s forehead furrowed, a lock of bronze hair curling amid the gesture.
“Victoria? We took care of her back at the quarry. You don’t have to worry about her ever again.”
His face was still lined, because he could tell that that wasn’t the answer I was looking for.
“But she’s…” I pointed with his finger again.
“Bella what are you seeing that’s got you scared out of your mind?” Jacob piped up, and I’d almost forgotten he was there. He tensed slightly as my blood-red eyes focused on him, but they weren’t for long; Victoria uncrossed her legs from her position on the bed and rose. My hands clenched in response and from the expression on Edward’s face I could only guess my grip on his hand was stronger than I thought. I merely loosened my hold, bone crushing to bone bruising, because there was no way I was letting him go.
Victoria rounded the bed slowly and with a sickly sympathetic expression on her face she crouched down so we were eyelevel. She wasn’t crowding us, but anywhere in the vicinity of me or Edward (or Jake for that matter) was far too close. Did Edward only think he had killed her? Had she tricked him somehow?
“He can’t see me, Bella-sweetie. I’m dead.”
My eyes flickered to Edward, then Jacob, hoping they could offer some explanation. Maybe I was just hoping their ears would finally pick up on her presence where their eyes had not. They stared back blankly.
“You really don’t see her?”
Edward cocked his head to the side, regarding my carefully. When he spoke, his voice was slow, like a teacher placating a fussy child.
“See who?”
Victoria chuckled.
“Told you so.”
As if some latent instinct kicked in, or perhaps it was a buried memory, I recognized the strength that sat heavy and powerful in my limbs. I wasn’t a fragile human anymore; I didn’t have to fear her, no more so than would anyone else in this room. When I stood, the motion was more fluid than I could have guessed, though I barely even registered the movement.
“If you’re dead then why can I see you?”
My back was now to Edward, but I felt him stand behind me, hands poised to spin me around and ask questions to which I didn’t have the answers. I heard the wet sound of his mouth opening to speak but I held up a hand, silencing him.
Victoria rolled her eyes at my question, standing like a cobra might strike.
“I thought that was obvious.”
I rotated my shoulders, getting irritated.
“Stop trying to confuse me.”
“It’s not my fault you’re easily confused, little girl.”
I hissed, fed-up with the roundabout, circular shape to our argument.
“Tell me.”
I could almost see the syllables of make me being molded like clay in her mouth, before she thought better of it and smiled, feral and wide.
“That little elf bitch can see the future. Your boy toy can read minds. There are a lot of vampires in our world who know things they shouldn’t. See things they shouldn’t.” Her eyebrows rose to punctuate her point and I blanched. Was she trying to say…
“Are you suggesting my ability is to see the dead?”
Victoria’s face shined then, and if it wasn’t for the narrow, hardened set to her carefully concealed eyes I’d almost be inclined to think she was proud. That she was helping me.
“In a way.”
I scowled.
“Prove it.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Are you saying that you’d rather believe you’re the only schizophrenic vampire in existence than admit that I’m actually here?”
“You aren’t actually here. But yes. I always knew my brain didn’t work right.”
Edward let out a confused little whinny behind me, and I nearly jumped, having forgotten he was there. Briefly I wondered what he must be thinking about this whole thing, hearing only one side to this already convoluted conversation, and I found myself tilting my head, taking my eyes off Victoria for a moment to read his expression. He looked so baffled it was almost pained.
She gave a delighted giggle and I glared in her direction, a flicker, before scoping Edward out again.
“I believe, for the first time in your relationship, he’s starting to agree with you.”
At Victoria’s words I studied him more carefully, and I couldn’t say she was wrong. It was startling, truly, to see the second-guessing in his eyes and feel it reflected into my own chest. Doubt begets doubt.
“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”
Edward’s eyes cleared instantly, like a hastily wiped chalkboard, but I could still see the faint white markings of his hesitance.
“Of course not.”
“He’s lying.”
And, despite the source, I knew it was true.
My eyes squeezed shut, giving my head a little shake, feeling the heavy thoughts thump against the inside of my skull. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
“Why are you doing this to us?” My gaze refocused on fiery red waves and cherry lips, feeling weary even though I knew I’d already caught my last nods of sleep of my now eternal life.
“Well, see that’s the thing: I don’t really have a choice. Vampires aren’t like humans. We don’t pass into the great beyond after the ripping and the burning and the blackness. We linger. Death doesn’t cure the ailment of our immortality.” I stared at her, horrified. That would mean…
“But that’s the best part. I had planned on torturing you and, when I got bored with that, killing you painfully. But humans break so easily. Accidents happen. They practically curdle like milk if you leave them for too long. This… this is so much better.”
Edward moved beside me, grasping my wrist within his tapered fingers and tugging me around to face him. His gaze searched my face. I looked toward Victoria; maybe for answers, maybe because I knew she was the only one I could trust to be what I expected.
She considered, pursing her lips.
“You know he doesn’t really love you. He loves the idea of you. He loves to be loved in that he hates it, and that he loves to hate himself. But even he knew it wouldn’t last. He didn’t want to turn you from the beginning because he knew eventually the illusion would shatter. This is just a fluke; now he’s stuck with you.”
I shook my head, unable, unwilling, to understand what this would mean for me. For us.
“Bella?”
Carved marble jaw, amber irises, perfect lips, but his eyes. His eyes held doubt like vial would hold poison. Wrong wrong wrong.
Because that was the thing. There wasn’t any danger lying in wait that hadn’t already struck. Because when I looked at Edward I didn’t see the man that would love me forever, love every selfish, flawed part of me, but the man that would always think I was a little bit crazy. Even if I convinced him otherwise, even if they all eventually believed me, I would always know that he hadn’t been there from the beginning. He had always been looking for an explanation for why I could possibly love him. I knew him and his martyring mind well enough to realize that he would rather think I was insane than believe that I loved him of my own free will.
Victoria’s lips curled and I was almost sick.
“Forever.”
pt. v >>
fandom: twilight
character(s)/pairing(s): bella pov; the cullens + bella, jacob, victoria, riley
rating: pg13
word count: 2919
spoilers: eclipse au.
notes: this is part four of five 'times bella never got turned into a vampire'. title and opening quote (translated) from regina spektor's 'apres moi.'
summary: au. bella has different luck during edward's fight with victoria.
February. Get ink, shed tears.
Write of it, sob your heart out, sing.
While torrential slush that roars,
Burns in the blackness of the spring.-
“Ap`res Moi”, Regina Spektor
iv. burn
The epiphany came to me like the flood after the arc. Both fights, Seth’s with Riley and Edward’s with Victoria, were too close to bet on, and there wasn’t enough money in the world to stake on how much I needed both to turn out favorably. Seth was just a boy, not even old enough to have his own driver’s license in most states, and Edward…
It hurt to even think of the possibility.
Then I remembered the sharp spike of stone in my hand from the miniature avalanche just moments before. Did I really have the strength to impale my own heart? The same heart I had only just imagined Victoria ripping out of me?
But I didn’t have to. I thought back to my eighteenth birthday, something I tried to avoid because of all its painful repercussions. All because of one small paper cut. I didn’t need a bloodbath to distract them. A steady stream would do.
My flesh tore under the serrated edge of the stone. I dragged it up my forearm, liquid thinner than cherry pie filling dripping to the foliage beneath my feet. My lip was gnawed to destruction as I bit back the whimper of pain, my vision cloudy with unshed tears.
My eyes met Riley’s as he paused, glossy chocolate meeting furious black, and then he disappeared.
My human vision wasn’t precise enough to quite follow the next series of events, but my hearing intensified to compensate for the lack.
It seemed as if time stopped. I registered that at the same moment Seth tore Riley’s head off with his teeth and a sound like metal, mere centimeters from my arm, that Edward turned his head to face me, his expression showing shocked horror. And then he howled in pain.
Reality stopped making logical sense. Time must have rewound, then skipped ahead, because it was only then I realized Riley had grazed his teeth against the wound in my arm.
I was briefly reminded of a snake who, once he’d locked his jaws, would cling to flesh even if his head was severed off.
And then the burning started.
I probably wouldn’t have noticed that Riley had bitten me, or even been able to distinguish the burn of my self-inflicted wound from that of the venom, if the pain hadn’t started to spread up my arm and into my chest.
I screamed. My veins were suddenly pumping acid. The venom spread to my stomach and I clawed at my flesh there, then it trickled to my knees and I dropped to the ground. But my eyes never left Edward, or the blur that I suspected to be his perfect form.
No. Not perfect. Not anymore.
A piece of pale marble landed near the spot where my head rested on the ground. It only took a moment, even in my tortured state, to recognize it.
Edward’s hand. I would have known it anywhere, even though it was no longer attached to the arm of its owner. How many times had those fingers touched me? Swept the hair back from my neck or stroked my cheek or slid along my ribcage. With trembling fingers I reached out and snatched the disembodied appendage up, holding on for dear life. It certainly wouldn’t do to loose this.
I wasn’t sure how it worked, if he could feel this hand from where he stood twenty meters from me, still fighting Victoria, or if my touch would be lost forever, only known to these inches of mindless flesh. As new flames ripped through my body, I couldn’t tell if I’d ever known the answer, or if the pain was interfering with my memory. So I held his hand as if it would comfort him, as if it would give him strength. I didn’t have enough will in me to worry, the intense fear that the rest of my Edward would meet flame was shooed to the back of my mind. I knew that somehow I should be praying that he’d survive, that he’d make it out of this.
But right then I couldn’t wish for anything more than death.
(ожог)
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
It was like Chinese water torture. Or a bloodletting.
It seemed impossible that I had kept conscious through every second, that I had been awake through every torturous roll of the fire through my limbs, but I had. Yet at the same time I couldn’t remember a moment of it. Not how the pine needled ground had turned to sheets, or if the battle was over or still raging on. I didn’t even know what voices had spoken to me, beyond knowing that none had given me comfort at the time. Every tinny whine or low bass faded with the dull sound of the fire.
I forgot each moment, almost even before it had passed. Everything except for the pain. The pain stretched out behind me hauntingly and before me insurmountably, though, rationally, I knew I hadn’t always lived this way.
This was how I knew I was coming out of the other side. Moments began to catch and drag, if just seconds before slipping away. And then they stuck. Stuck and stayed. Words resonated, echoed even.
“-even consider this. How could you be so fucking stupid! You must have known she couldn’t just be left there unprotected. Either one of them would hurt her or she would do something to hurt herself. And to think I thought I was being melodramatic when I said I would ‘do the noble thing’. I didn’t think I was giving her any ideas!”
Jacob. Jacob? Yes, that seemed right.
Drip.
Drip.
I wanted to frown at the repetitive sound, still plaguing me without mercy. This I could only recall because it had been a constant throughout the change.
“Bella?”
I froze. I must have shown my discomfort on the outside too, and they’d noticed.
It wasn’t a conscious decision to not reach out for help during the last moments of the transformation, once I remembered what my arms were for beyond being extra inches of flesh to feel pain. It was innate. They shouldn’t know how much I was suffering. That wouldn’t solve anything.
“Bella.”
It was a different voice this time. Smooth. Velvet. Two sets of hands rested on me then, one for each arm: one pair scorching hot and the other surprisingly tepid.
Two tepid hands.
An unknown part of me rejoiced at this inconsequential fact, though I didn’t know why.
And then another touch, feather light, against my hairline. That’s strange, I thought. I only heard two people breathing and shuffling around.
“Maybe you should leave.”
“What? No way! I’m staying here until she asks me to go.”
“She might attack you. Newborns are notoriously hotheaded.” His voice wasn’t smug at this, like I might have expected. It was… sad.
“Well then I’ll take that as my cue to leave. But until then…”
“She might not even recognize you at first. Either of us.”
There was a beat of silence, all except for my firecracker heart, the end nigh, and Jacob’s own heartbeat. He drew in a shaky breath.
“Really?”
And another, longer this time.
“Yes.”
The pain in my heart intensified, seeping from my limbs but soaking my heart in poison, retaliation for the lost territory. This was the end. The muscle in my chest seized, contracting in one last contorted drumbeat, before settling silent within me.
The room went completely still.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
It wasn’t until everything was quiet that I could really hear it, muffled as it had been by fire and pain and voices. Now I could make it out. It wasn’t water dripping at all. It was a whisper-light voice, right at my ear, chanting Bella Bella Bella, the strange absence of an accompanying breath puffing against my skin making it almost undetectable.
My eyes opened like a snap-hypnotized patient, muscles already tensed, my head whipping to the side, knowing something was wrong…
Victoria.
I scrambled back along the sheets, quicker than I could have blinked when I was human, tripping off the bed. My back hit the wall with such force that I left a dent in the plaster; I was surprised I didn’t break clean through and fall onto the lawn. My defensive crouch was obscured by fear, giving the impression that I was cowering rather than being an actual threat.
I barely even registered any presence in the room besides that red-headed demon until Edward moved. Closer. My eyes flickered to him, then back to Victoria, not trusting her for a moment.
He stepped even closer and Jacob hissed.
“What are you doing? She could kill you.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward lowering himself to the ground. He scooted slowly towards me, taking care to avoid touching me accidentally. I thought momentarily he looked like a goof before all my thoughts were once again consumed by fear and confusion. How could Edward turn his back on her?
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
He was close enough now to me, so I reached out and grabbed his hand, hopefully not the one that had recently been severed off, dragging him closer. At first there was fear in his eyes. Scared of little old me? But it was quickly replaced by relief, and then bewilderment. He could tell by now I was fixated over his shoulder, and Jacob was across the room.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?”
“S-she-s-she’s-“ I jerked my head in Victoria’s direction, who was smirking at me, and Edward twisted his head to scan the area. When his eyes met mine again he was truly confused.
“What? Do you see something?”
Something I wasn’t worried about; it was someone that had me tied up in knots.
Instead of using my own hand to gesture and therefore detach myself from him, I manipulated his index finger and raised his hand to point. How could he not see her? Had she hurt his eyes too?
“Victoria.”
Edward’s forehead furrowed, a lock of bronze hair curling amid the gesture.
“Victoria? We took care of her back at the quarry. You don’t have to worry about her ever again.”
His face was still lined, because he could tell that that wasn’t the answer I was looking for.
“But she’s…” I pointed with his finger again.
“Bella what are you seeing that’s got you scared out of your mind?” Jacob piped up, and I’d almost forgotten he was there. He tensed slightly as my blood-red eyes focused on him, but they weren’t for long; Victoria uncrossed her legs from her position on the bed and rose. My hands clenched in response and from the expression on Edward’s face I could only guess my grip on his hand was stronger than I thought. I merely loosened my hold, bone crushing to bone bruising, because there was no way I was letting him go.
Victoria rounded the bed slowly and with a sickly sympathetic expression on her face she crouched down so we were eyelevel. She wasn’t crowding us, but anywhere in the vicinity of me or Edward (or Jake for that matter) was far too close. Did Edward only think he had killed her? Had she tricked him somehow?
“He can’t see me, Bella-sweetie. I’m dead.”
My eyes flickered to Edward, then Jacob, hoping they could offer some explanation. Maybe I was just hoping their ears would finally pick up on her presence where their eyes had not. They stared back blankly.
“You really don’t see her?”
Edward cocked his head to the side, regarding my carefully. When he spoke, his voice was slow, like a teacher placating a fussy child.
“See who?”
Victoria chuckled.
“Told you so.”
As if some latent instinct kicked in, or perhaps it was a buried memory, I recognized the strength that sat heavy and powerful in my limbs. I wasn’t a fragile human anymore; I didn’t have to fear her, no more so than would anyone else in this room. When I stood, the motion was more fluid than I could have guessed, though I barely even registered the movement.
“If you’re dead then why can I see you?”
My back was now to Edward, but I felt him stand behind me, hands poised to spin me around and ask questions to which I didn’t have the answers. I heard the wet sound of his mouth opening to speak but I held up a hand, silencing him.
Victoria rolled her eyes at my question, standing like a cobra might strike.
“I thought that was obvious.”
I rotated my shoulders, getting irritated.
“Stop trying to confuse me.”
“It’s not my fault you’re easily confused, little girl.”
I hissed, fed-up with the roundabout, circular shape to our argument.
“Tell me.”
I could almost see the syllables of make me being molded like clay in her mouth, before she thought better of it and smiled, feral and wide.
“That little elf bitch can see the future. Your boy toy can read minds. There are a lot of vampires in our world who know things they shouldn’t. See things they shouldn’t.” Her eyebrows rose to punctuate her point and I blanched. Was she trying to say…
“Are you suggesting my ability is to see the dead?”
Victoria’s face shined then, and if it wasn’t for the narrow, hardened set to her carefully concealed eyes I’d almost be inclined to think she was proud. That she was helping me.
“In a way.”
I scowled.
“Prove it.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Are you saying that you’d rather believe you’re the only schizophrenic vampire in existence than admit that I’m actually here?”
“You aren’t actually here. But yes. I always knew my brain didn’t work right.”
Edward let out a confused little whinny behind me, and I nearly jumped, having forgotten he was there. Briefly I wondered what he must be thinking about this whole thing, hearing only one side to this already convoluted conversation, and I found myself tilting my head, taking my eyes off Victoria for a moment to read his expression. He looked so baffled it was almost pained.
She gave a delighted giggle and I glared in her direction, a flicker, before scoping Edward out again.
“I believe, for the first time in your relationship, he’s starting to agree with you.”
At Victoria’s words I studied him more carefully, and I couldn’t say she was wrong. It was startling, truly, to see the second-guessing in his eyes and feel it reflected into my own chest. Doubt begets doubt.
“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”
Edward’s eyes cleared instantly, like a hastily wiped chalkboard, but I could still see the faint white markings of his hesitance.
“Of course not.”
“He’s lying.”
And, despite the source, I knew it was true.
My eyes squeezed shut, giving my head a little shake, feeling the heavy thoughts thump against the inside of my skull. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
“Why are you doing this to us?” My gaze refocused on fiery red waves and cherry lips, feeling weary even though I knew I’d already caught my last nods of sleep of my now eternal life.
“Well, see that’s the thing: I don’t really have a choice. Vampires aren’t like humans. We don’t pass into the great beyond after the ripping and the burning and the blackness. We linger. Death doesn’t cure the ailment of our immortality.” I stared at her, horrified. That would mean…
“But that’s the best part. I had planned on torturing you and, when I got bored with that, killing you painfully. But humans break so easily. Accidents happen. They practically curdle like milk if you leave them for too long. This… this is so much better.”
Edward moved beside me, grasping my wrist within his tapered fingers and tugging me around to face him. His gaze searched my face. I looked toward Victoria; maybe for answers, maybe because I knew she was the only one I could trust to be what I expected.
She considered, pursing her lips.
“You know he doesn’t really love you. He loves the idea of you. He loves to be loved in that he hates it, and that he loves to hate himself. But even he knew it wouldn’t last. He didn’t want to turn you from the beginning because he knew eventually the illusion would shatter. This is just a fluke; now he’s stuck with you.”
I shook my head, unable, unwilling, to understand what this would mean for me. For us.
“Bella?”
Carved marble jaw, amber irises, perfect lips, but his eyes. His eyes held doubt like vial would hold poison. Wrong wrong wrong.
Because that was the thing. There wasn’t any danger lying in wait that hadn’t already struck. Because when I looked at Edward I didn’t see the man that would love me forever, love every selfish, flawed part of me, but the man that would always think I was a little bit crazy. Even if I convinced him otherwise, even if they all eventually believed me, I would always know that he hadn’t been there from the beginning. He had always been looking for an explanation for why I could possibly love him. I knew him and his martyring mind well enough to realize that he would rather think I was insane than believe that I loved him of my own free will.
Victoria’s lips curled and I was almost sick.
“Forever.”
pt. v >>