(no subject)
"Death is certain. Life is not." People are afraid of death because it's not something they can control to the degree that they want. Sometimes I think "If i were to die today, I can't really say that I'd be extremely disappointed", but there are days when I think "If I died today, think of all that I'd be leaving behind". I know I'm not living my life to the fullest, and if possible, I'd give up my life to someone like Brian, who I really didn't know, so that he'd be able to have a second chance. It's scary to me because I've never lost anyone that I was really close to. Three people that my family knew of, including my great aunt, passed away in the span of the past few months, but I didn't feel moved, and I felt bad about it. I felt like some emotionless, numb, cruel creature who didn't care, but I just realize that I wasn't extremely close to those people to the point that I'd grieve. Just the other day the thought hit me that someone else who passed away would never be here ever again. It's like my body doesn't respond to these events until long after they've happened. It's like my mind is trying to protect my heart from the inevitable, thus, it takes a while for those emotions to set in. I've never even been to a funeral before in my entire life. In a way, I want to grieve, just so I can know that I'm not some emotionless being. It'd make me feel selfless...