This came out of nowhere

[beavepot]

For most of my life I have done what other people wanted me to do. I’d always ask for an opinion for someone else as that be family or friend. I really did not do much of what I wanted to do, then there was that day I was fed up with the life I was living. This day changed me for the rest of my life I had no idea what I was getting into nor did I care. All I did know, I was leaving and it was my decision. I broke the cycle that I was revolving around and had no idea what was in store for me next. The feeling was numbness I was not sad I had no fear and I was not happy. For the first year I thought I made a terrible mistake. That was only because I let past events seize me again and take control. It was brought to my attention right before I was about to be released right back to the life I once had before. The feeling of this overwhelmed me and I could not even put it into words. I was given a second chance though; I took this reality check and moved on with my new life. Last year I began to slowly slip back into old habits again and by the end of the year almost killed me more then once. Well this may not come to alarm to you but I do not believe in god heaven or hell. I do believe in a higher force though on which you have a set path for your life. If you come off track of this path the force lets you go before you destroy yourself and ensures that it will not happen again by choice of ones self. It was not clear to me until recently. I can’t believe it took so many near death experiences to realize all of this. Well anyways I don’t want to bad mouth anyone else religion by any means what so ever. This is what I feel and think. Well getting back to the point, getting away from situations that you could say would side track or blind you with everyday life. I was sent to a country I have never been to before. I felt the numbness again it was about the same feeling I had 2 years ago. I wasn’t sad had no fear and wasn’t happy again. Sometimes I get mad since I cant leave this place and just go some random place to think. I’m so glad that I was sent out here, It would have took me many more years to realize what I want to do. I have never been so content in my life, it’s hard to believe it is really going to happen like I feel that I am in a dream at times. I am going back school I am doing what I want I am going to take very little influence from others. Filter the bad from good.

I am going to make a difference for someone else.