Listening to the Souls in the Fool's Night: Finn, Kurt, T
Title: Listening to the Souls in the Fool's Night
Author: beautyofwilting
Pairing, Characters: Finn Hudson, Kurt Hummel. Could be Fin/Kurt if you want to read it that way, but not really...
Summary: It's (barely) April 17th, 2010, and while it may be a new day, it's still as taunting as the one before. [Need to read one thing first; follow-up to the following chapter of one amazing story]
Rating: T/PG-13 for adult concepts. I don't know if it might be triggering but it deals with assault.
Warning: Deals with assault of the worst kind. Spoilers for "Home", but you'd only notice if you've seen the episode.
Disclaimer: I do not own GLEE, Day of Silence, the story Day of Silence, or the lovely Spring Awakening song that provided my title.
Author's Note: This is my response/follow-up to one specific chapter of an amazing collection. The collection/story is called Day of Silence, and it's on FF.net. The whole thing is made up of related oneshots basically, each one being a Glee member's personal story while going through DoS at McKinley. It is beautifully written and almost brought me to tears more than once. I would recommend that anyone read it, whether or not they planned on reading what's below. To read the specific chapter I'm basing this off of, go to this link or the one in my summary. It is Finn's chapter.
Basically, what you need to take from that lovely chapter: Finn is doing DoS like all of the rest of the Glee kids. Karofsky decides to mess with Finn and (with his brother) has Finn up against a wall in the locker room. He exposes Finn and is going to do more when he stops. A very shaken Kurt enters the locker room a bit after. Finn has a new-found respect for Kurt (and also worries a bit) and walks him to class to protect him.
Listening to the Souls in the Fool's Night
Here lies Finn Hudson.
Friend, son, Glee-stud, previously stalked by Rachel Berry, currently absolutely no one.
He's never felt so empty in his life. Never. He's pretty sure he wouldn't even make it to level two at this point. What's worse: he still doesn't care. And it's not because his life has gotten so important that he no longer cares about video games. (He plays them every single night, right before bed.) He just can't bring himself to do much of anything.
So here lies Finn Hudson, splayed out on the small mattress in his old house. Usually, he wouldn't even be here, but the house hasn't been sold yet, and he really just needs some place to think. Or not think. Or whatever.
Being Finn, he just kind of lays there, in his bed, late at night, thinking about it. Most of the time, he can picture what he thinks of, but he's not really seeing anything but his ceiling.
He turns on his side and pulls out his phone. Silently, he thumbs through his contacts for Kurt's number. When he finds it, he hits the call button.
It's on the fourth ring before Finn realizes that it's two in the morning.
It's on the sixth ring before he considers hanging up.
It's on the eighth when Kurt finally answers the phone.
It's silent on both sides, and when Finn goes to talk, his voice feels awkward from being un-used all day.
"I'm sorry," he says. Short, sweet, and simple. They're the most words he's said in twenty-four hours. They don't really mean as much as they should. So, he says more,
"The shit you have to put up with everyday isn't okay, man. And, I'm really sorry you have to deal with that, Kurt."
One would think after a day of saying nothing that Finn could handle the silence. (he really can't.)
Again, Finn speaks, "It's two, right? Like, we did the entire day. I mean, you can talk, right?"
"Yes, Finn," Kurt says, and Finn's never been this happy to hear that oddly high-pitched voice before, "I was just... getting over the shock of you calling me. I didn't think you'd ever actually use my number."
Finn shrugs.
"You're cool. Well, as cool as any of us Glee kids can be. Besides, I figured, maybe it'd be nice to have someone to talk to."
(For him, or for you?)
"Do you need someone to talk to?" Kurt asks, hinting towards what happened earlier that day.
Finn shakes his head. This time, he tries not to picture the wall that went on forever; crushing his lungs to the point where breathing seemed impossible, but he kept breathing anyway because he heard really bad stuff with names he couldn't pronounce happened when you didn't.
"It'll taunt you for a while," Kurt says suddenly. For a second, Finn isn't sure what exactly they're talking about. Then, he just really hopes Kurt's like Rachel and kind of psychic. Because if he isn't....
"Some days, you'll go to zip up your own pants and shudder a bit. You might have dreams that never seem to end where someone doesn't open the door, or maybe no one gets to you quick enough. And you'll wake up crying because there's really nothing else your body can do. Because when you're crying, you don't have to breathe, or see, or hear, or think. All you have to do is get rid of this waste from inside of you, almost as if you can expel all of the bad thoughts. But you can't. You never can, and you never fully will. But, eventually, it won't taunt you as bad."
Finn can almost see it, when he takes those deep breaths and his eyes are tight together. He can almost see Kurt where he was, against the wall with some ape of an ass against him.
"I'm here for you," Finn says, "No matter what, no matter when, I am always here for you. You understand? And, I'm sorry for everything."
(Read: I'm sorry for who I used to be.)
"You never did anything."
(Read: I'm sorry for who you were too.)
"Yeah, I did. I mean, I never did anything as bad as those guys, but I never stopped any of it either. Until Glee, I never did anything but look away, or watch. But, not anymore. I'm done sitting back and letting things happen."
More than that, Finn's done being silent. One day was enough. It's time to be heard. It's time someone listens. It's time someone cares.
"Finn."
It's practically a whisper. Soft, clipped, and painful.
For the first time, Finn realizes just how small Kurt's voice is. What happened to Kurt today? If all of... that could happen to him, what did his (sort of) brother go through?
"That whole being here thing, goes for listening to," Finn tells him. And when he feels the choked sound from the other line, he knows that the only voice that really needs to be heard has been talking all along. He wonders why it took him so long to finally hear it.
Author: beautyofwilting
Pairing, Characters: Finn Hudson, Kurt Hummel. Could be Fin/Kurt if you want to read it that way, but not really...
Summary: It's (barely) April 17th, 2010, and while it may be a new day, it's still as taunting as the one before. [Need to read one thing first; follow-up to the following chapter of one amazing story]
Rating: T/PG-13 for adult concepts. I don't know if it might be triggering but it deals with assault.
Warning: Deals with assault of the worst kind. Spoilers for "Home", but you'd only notice if you've seen the episode.
Disclaimer: I do not own GLEE, Day of Silence, the story Day of Silence, or the lovely Spring Awakening song that provided my title.
Author's Note: This is my response/follow-up to one specific chapter of an amazing collection. The collection/story is called Day of Silence, and it's on FF.net. The whole thing is made up of related oneshots basically, each one being a Glee member's personal story while going through DoS at McKinley. It is beautifully written and almost brought me to tears more than once. I would recommend that anyone read it, whether or not they planned on reading what's below. To read the specific chapter I'm basing this off of, go to this link or the one in my summary. It is Finn's chapter.
Basically, what you need to take from that lovely chapter: Finn is doing DoS like all of the rest of the Glee kids. Karofsky decides to mess with Finn and (with his brother) has Finn up against a wall in the locker room. He exposes Finn and is going to do more when he stops. A very shaken Kurt enters the locker room a bit after. Finn has a new-found respect for Kurt (and also worries a bit) and walks him to class to protect him.
Listening to the Souls in the Fool's Night
Here lies Finn Hudson.
Friend, son, Glee-stud, previously stalked by Rachel Berry, currently absolutely no one.
He's never felt so empty in his life. Never. He's pretty sure he wouldn't even make it to level two at this point. What's worse: he still doesn't care. And it's not because his life has gotten so important that he no longer cares about video games. (He plays them every single night, right before bed.) He just can't bring himself to do much of anything.
So here lies Finn Hudson, splayed out on the small mattress in his old house. Usually, he wouldn't even be here, but the house hasn't been sold yet, and he really just needs some place to think. Or not think. Or whatever.
Being Finn, he just kind of lays there, in his bed, late at night, thinking about it. Most of the time, he can picture what he thinks of, but he's not really seeing anything but his ceiling.
He turns on his side and pulls out his phone. Silently, he thumbs through his contacts for Kurt's number. When he finds it, he hits the call button.
It's on the fourth ring before Finn realizes that it's two in the morning.
It's on the sixth ring before he considers hanging up.
It's on the eighth when Kurt finally answers the phone.
It's silent on both sides, and when Finn goes to talk, his voice feels awkward from being un-used all day.
"I'm sorry," he says. Short, sweet, and simple. They're the most words he's said in twenty-four hours. They don't really mean as much as they should. So, he says more,
"The shit you have to put up with everyday isn't okay, man. And, I'm really sorry you have to deal with that, Kurt."
One would think after a day of saying nothing that Finn could handle the silence. (he really can't.)
Again, Finn speaks, "It's two, right? Like, we did the entire day. I mean, you can talk, right?"
"Yes, Finn," Kurt says, and Finn's never been this happy to hear that oddly high-pitched voice before, "I was just... getting over the shock of you calling me. I didn't think you'd ever actually use my number."
Finn shrugs.
"You're cool. Well, as cool as any of us Glee kids can be. Besides, I figured, maybe it'd be nice to have someone to talk to."
(For him, or for you?)
"Do you need someone to talk to?" Kurt asks, hinting towards what happened earlier that day.
Finn shakes his head. This time, he tries not to picture the wall that went on forever; crushing his lungs to the point where breathing seemed impossible, but he kept breathing anyway because he heard really bad stuff with names he couldn't pronounce happened when you didn't.
"It'll taunt you for a while," Kurt says suddenly. For a second, Finn isn't sure what exactly they're talking about. Then, he just really hopes Kurt's like Rachel and kind of psychic. Because if he isn't....
"Some days, you'll go to zip up your own pants and shudder a bit. You might have dreams that never seem to end where someone doesn't open the door, or maybe no one gets to you quick enough. And you'll wake up crying because there's really nothing else your body can do. Because when you're crying, you don't have to breathe, or see, or hear, or think. All you have to do is get rid of this waste from inside of you, almost as if you can expel all of the bad thoughts. But you can't. You never can, and you never fully will. But, eventually, it won't taunt you as bad."
Finn can almost see it, when he takes those deep breaths and his eyes are tight together. He can almost see Kurt where he was, against the wall with some ape of an ass against him.
"I'm here for you," Finn says, "No matter what, no matter when, I am always here for you. You understand? And, I'm sorry for everything."
(Read: I'm sorry for who I used to be.)
"You never did anything."
(Read: I'm sorry for who you were too.)
"Yeah, I did. I mean, I never did anything as bad as those guys, but I never stopped any of it either. Until Glee, I never did anything but look away, or watch. But, not anymore. I'm done sitting back and letting things happen."
More than that, Finn's done being silent. One day was enough. It's time to be heard. It's time someone listens. It's time someone cares.
"Finn."
It's practically a whisper. Soft, clipped, and painful.
For the first time, Finn realizes just how small Kurt's voice is. What happened to Kurt today? If all of... that could happen to him, what did his (sort of) brother go through?
"That whole being here thing, goes for listening to," Finn tells him. And when he feels the choked sound from the other line, he knows that the only voice that really needs to be heard has been talking all along. He wonders why it took him so long to finally hear it.