The One Good Thing
I don't think the DW crossposter is working, so, meh, and apologies if this does somehow show up twice.
I had a follow-up with my primary doctor today - I think the intent of my going in was to get new labs for cholesterol, which I was sort of dreading, but then I got handed papers to fill out for an anxiety screening (which I *really* hated), and then it turned into a discussion on my headaches, because they have been flaring up again. I'd gone through a lot of trouble with non-med treatments last year - I am the blue-light glasses, posture-corrector wearing, hot and/or ice pack on the neck draping, enlarging text on the screen regularly, taking frequent breaks to move around, drinking All the Water person. (Geez, I sound like a lot of fun to be around.) Anyway, I am not 100% sure I am crazy about the new doctor, but they seem to be much more proactive/invested than my previous doctor. They just do that thing where they are often looking at the computer while listening, and then when they do look at you, you know they are thinking in their head rather than really looking at you (I can only imagine I would do the same if I were trying to mentally thumb through a thousand potential diagnoses/causes). So I left with a couple of new prescriptions, a recommendation to start a diary and track my blood pressure with it, and the plan to return in two weeks to determine if follow-up with a neurologist is necessary.
It sounds like a royal pain the butt. But I also think, how much more could I get done if I weren't in pain as much? So there's that.
Anyway, I came home and did the world's shortest yoga flow, then went for a Zombie run, and I felt marginally better about my morning. Honestly, it was not a steady or far run, but I had some sprints that made me feel momentarily like the runner I used to be, and wow, did I need that.
Work, on the other hand, has been drudgery lately, and still was today - I'm working on streamlining and consolidating two 400+ page documents that are large epidemiology/case-study/cohort/mortality reviews (it's no wonder I have a headache, really). Tomorrow I get to take a break from that and summarize public comments on a recent proposal, which is like herding cats and dogs and fish and chickens.
I recently finished reading The Body is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, and I thought it was a pretty good read about how well we internalize systemic ideals of beauty and attractiveness and, moreso, how those tie into stereotypes around race, gender identity, class, disability, etc. I am still working my way through Intuitive Eating, which reads a little too self-help for me (although I bought it, ostensibly, because I wanted help to better under my body's signals around eating). But I don't fit the "has tried every crash diet and hates themselves" mentality that the authors appear to assume one must suffer under, because at heart, dear readers, some part of me is fundamentally lazy (I just hide it well). But self-hate is very tiring and zaps a lot of energy, and I have a job to do and children who still need me and Spanish to learn. So, I don't know, hopefully I'll find time to finish that, maybe when I no longer have a headache.