Eve
I turn kind, gentle men into angry, frustrated, violent monsters.
I think this is why Satan approached Eve instead of Adam; through her he was able to bring about the downfall of humanity. Through me he destroys men, too.
I don't do it purposely... I do realize I'm doing it, sometimes, and I stop.
Men have needs, not only sexual, that they seem to need women to meet for them/help them to meet. (Hence the reason God created Eve in the first place.) By having control of the satiation or frustration of that need, women carry a lot of power. I use that power to drive men crazy, I think.
I do it in a way similar to Hannibal Lecter. I talk circles around them. I confuse them with my twisted logic and rationalizations, and then I change my tune and try to convince them that I've been saying the same thing all along. And I believe myself when I do it. I play the wounded and wronged, and I feel the part. I deny them the love and understanding that they crave, and then tell them that they had it all along and just didn't realize it. I tell them I need more, that I deserve more, that if they were not defective they would give me more and better. Yet I fail to acknowledge anything they give and continue to criticize them for the slightest mistep. I yell at them for peeing in the house, so they pee outside, hoping to please me, with the promise of a doggie treat if they do, but they pee outside and come to me panting and wagging their tails, hoping to get that treat, and are punished again for something else instead. They want to give me what they want, but they can't figure that out, because I make it impossible for them to determine.
So after years of feeling like I must hate them, despite my hurt claims otherwise that I love them and always have, they are ready to ring my neck. It takes great restraint for them not to. Sometimes, they continue breaking their own necks, bending over backwards and contorting themselves in ways they only thought they could imagine in order to "make me happy" or to win my love and affection, so much to the point that they abandone completely who they once were--their values and morals, and dreams or ideals. They become dishonest, because honesty is not rewarded by me, and dishonesty spares them my hurt or angry outbursts.
Why do I behave this way? Why haven't I realized before now that it's been me all along?
Perhaps I'm so angry all the time because of repressed memories. Perhaps I was mistreated by men when I was younger and powerless to do anything about it. Perhaps the abuse and sense of powerlessness festered in me, causing me to feel this rage that seeps out in my treatment of men.
I did have a male babysitter when I was very small (pre-grade school). He played guitar, and I wanted him to like me.
I've always wanted everyone to like me, to an unhealthy extent.
The neighborhood boys when I was a pre-schooler/kindergartener tried to convince the girls of the neighborhood to show them our privates. They offered a candy bar to anyone who would. None of the other girls would pull down their pants for the boys. But I did. I did it for the candy bar. I wanted the boys to like me, too, but mostly I wanted the candy bar.
My lack of self-respect goes way back.
How does a person loose respect for themselves? Is that something that is even lost? or is it something that we must develop. I lost my virginity at 14 mostly because I had no self-respect/self-love.
Perhaps my dad violated me when I was too young to know better, or remember. I'm sure if he did, I would not ever want to remember it. That would be a memory so painful that it would stay repressed. I can't imagine how I would even begin to deal with that. I hope it never happened. I think it did not.
Maybe it's not even anything that I don't remember/anything repressed. Perhaps it's just due to all of the stuff I do remember. Perhaps I'm still angry about all of that? I dunno.
I've never considered myself a man-hater before.
I've believed I loved these men and have done my best to show them...
Still, even men, whom when we met professed non-violence and respect towards all women, particularly the woman they love... men who weren't just giving lip service, because they displayed non-violent natures, extreme kindness and respectfullness (great manners and true gentlemen)... they were non-violent and respectful toward their own families and many others... yet after spending years with me, they become mean and violent.
I'm falling asleep now.
What's wrong with me? (besides the fact that I'm a cold, cruel, evil bitch.)
I think this is why Satan approached Eve instead of Adam; through her he was able to bring about the downfall of humanity. Through me he destroys men, too.
I don't do it purposely... I do realize I'm doing it, sometimes, and I stop.
Men have needs, not only sexual, that they seem to need women to meet for them/help them to meet. (Hence the reason God created Eve in the first place.) By having control of the satiation or frustration of that need, women carry a lot of power. I use that power to drive men crazy, I think.
I do it in a way similar to Hannibal Lecter. I talk circles around them. I confuse them with my twisted logic and rationalizations, and then I change my tune and try to convince them that I've been saying the same thing all along. And I believe myself when I do it. I play the wounded and wronged, and I feel the part. I deny them the love and understanding that they crave, and then tell them that they had it all along and just didn't realize it. I tell them I need more, that I deserve more, that if they were not defective they would give me more and better. Yet I fail to acknowledge anything they give and continue to criticize them for the slightest mistep. I yell at them for peeing in the house, so they pee outside, hoping to please me, with the promise of a doggie treat if they do, but they pee outside and come to me panting and wagging their tails, hoping to get that treat, and are punished again for something else instead. They want to give me what they want, but they can't figure that out, because I make it impossible for them to determine.
So after years of feeling like I must hate them, despite my hurt claims otherwise that I love them and always have, they are ready to ring my neck. It takes great restraint for them not to. Sometimes, they continue breaking their own necks, bending over backwards and contorting themselves in ways they only thought they could imagine in order to "make me happy" or to win my love and affection, so much to the point that they abandone completely who they once were--their values and morals, and dreams or ideals. They become dishonest, because honesty is not rewarded by me, and dishonesty spares them my hurt or angry outbursts.
Why do I behave this way? Why haven't I realized before now that it's been me all along?
Perhaps I'm so angry all the time because of repressed memories. Perhaps I was mistreated by men when I was younger and powerless to do anything about it. Perhaps the abuse and sense of powerlessness festered in me, causing me to feel this rage that seeps out in my treatment of men.
I did have a male babysitter when I was very small (pre-grade school). He played guitar, and I wanted him to like me.
I've always wanted everyone to like me, to an unhealthy extent.
The neighborhood boys when I was a pre-schooler/kindergartener tried to convince the girls of the neighborhood to show them our privates. They offered a candy bar to anyone who would. None of the other girls would pull down their pants for the boys. But I did. I did it for the candy bar. I wanted the boys to like me, too, but mostly I wanted the candy bar.
My lack of self-respect goes way back.
How does a person loose respect for themselves? Is that something that is even lost? or is it something that we must develop. I lost my virginity at 14 mostly because I had no self-respect/self-love.
Perhaps my dad violated me when I was too young to know better, or remember. I'm sure if he did, I would not ever want to remember it. That would be a memory so painful that it would stay repressed. I can't imagine how I would even begin to deal with that. I hope it never happened. I think it did not.
Maybe it's not even anything that I don't remember/anything repressed. Perhaps it's just due to all of the stuff I do remember. Perhaps I'm still angry about all of that? I dunno.
I've never considered myself a man-hater before.
I've believed I loved these men and have done my best to show them...
Still, even men, whom when we met professed non-violence and respect towards all women, particularly the woman they love... men who weren't just giving lip service, because they displayed non-violent natures, extreme kindness and respectfullness (great manners and true gentlemen)... they were non-violent and respectful toward their own families and many others... yet after spending years with me, they become mean and violent.
I'm falling asleep now.
What's wrong with me? (besides the fact that I'm a cold, cruel, evil bitch.)