thats exactly why.
it's been almost 8 months since I wrote.
The change that has happened, so fast. so fucking fast, you've gotten sick. I sit here in your bedroom as you lay sick on the couch in the kitchen. Tonight a nurse is watching over you through the night. To make sure you don't fall.... again. I feel as if i'll forever have nightmares about seeing you fall these past couple of days. Looking at you, every single glance I catch.. I want to just take all your pain away. Seeing you slowly die, slowly get your life taken from you due to this fucking cancer makes me feel such an array of emotions.
I don't want you to leave. I mean, you just can't leave. You scooped us up, and gave us such an amazing life. Why does this have to be cut short?! I'm not even 31 years old, I have so so many more years to make you even more proud me. My throat is burning right now, trying to hold back the tears.. this just can't be happening. I mean, you're such a brilliant, most genuine man there is. You give people life, you make them feel better, you ..simply CARE for them. I'm sorry Rocco, I'm so so so so so so so sorry that this has to happen to you. I'm absolutely helpless, and this is just something I can't fix.
I'm so scared. I'm scared to not have you around us. I'm... scared.
I love you I love you I love you..always I love you...