Mixed Emotions
I dont know why i still feel like this. I found out my ex has a new gurl now.. and i hate this bitch because i think shes the reason why me and him never got back together because yea they did shit. but i mean i want to see him happy but then again i still care for him and miss him. i dont want to see her hurt him because shes fucked around with a lot of people.. or maybe its that i dont wanna see him fall in love with her. this all really sux. being in this small ass town of Ramona sucks because you cant avoid anything.. every one is everywhere. and i need to change shit because this lifestyle of mine hasnt been the greatest. ive been trying to forget about him.. my mind says to let go but my heart still holds on. why cant our hearts do what our minds tell it to? i know that if i stay here ill just end up going back to putting myself through the heartache of all my past here. i need to start back new again because how am i supposed to forget about things when they are constantly in front of my face? i dont think i could bare watching him fall in love with her like he once did with me. And I hear the words he says to her. i know i found someone else... but its hard to give this up when you let him into your life.. he knows everything about me.. everything that has ever happened to me.. and everytime ive failed.. he's always been there to catch my fall. he said he'd never leave my side and that he'd always be there for me. but it doesnt seem that way. it feels as though he's turning his back on me like everyone else has. my best friends are all basically gone. one with her boy almost 24/7 and the other went away for school. and he said he would always be there whenever i needed him. i just need someone to talk to ... a shoulder to cry on.. but i cant turn to him. its because of him that i cry. i would spend every day and night to try to make him see.. but i dont have enough strength in me to get thrown back down because i know that this time.. no one will be there to catch my fall.