(no subject)
Today I got a phone call from Danco... He wanted to come over and get some chords for his PS2, which I couldn't find, but he wanted to come over still after I told him that. We stood in my drive way just talking, and I noticed this ring on his finger.. it caught my eye mainly cuz Danco never really wears jewelery, and later on in the conversation he breaks it to me that he and Hilda are now engaged.. After only 5 months with her, he already agreed to marrige. 3 years of telling eachother how we wanted to spend our lives together and even sharing the same dream of marrying eachother some day, and still no ring no nothing on my finger. Turns out Hilda asked him. I asked if it was cuz she's knocked up, and he said no. It's just "because.. I don't know." He doesn't know why he's marrying this bitch? It killed me. It fucking ripped me apart worse than when we had broken up.. Breaking up just means we aren't together anymore but there's always the possibility of some how, some way, some day down the road re-uniting and starting again.. But him getting married to somebody that is not me means all those promises and premature proposals and letters saying, "I'm so lucky I found my one and only, the only one I will ever love, and spend my entire life with. My wife, my angel.." were lies and his love for me isn't anything anymore because he's going to recite his vows to her.
He is putting matiriel items before true love. He said he will always love what we had and me and will never forget or regret the time we shared because it meant everything to him.. but he said "with us there was just no future tho. It just could never be." And that the path in his life he chose is finally the right one (meaning now because he's working and sober and has his own car ((which Hilda bought him)) and I'm not the one taking care of him anymore cuz now he's surviving... however he has to.. with her.) and God helped him find this path and it just needs to stay this way. He said he still hurts over me and doesn't want me to hurt, but I that I needed to "take it like a man" that he's marrying somebody other than me and is wearing her ring. I then had to remind him that I am not a man, I'm a girl. The girl that still loves him and now has to really let him go and do whatever it is that makes him happy, even if that means spending his life with her and not me.
He kept trying to make bullshit conversation and I was already in tears. I just wanted him to leave. We hugged good-bye and he told me he's gonna call me from now on, not to call him, and he needs me in his life as well as needs to still be in mine. I'm so fucking torn appart right now and all the time I thought I had some what mended myself back together is now equivalent to shit because this hurts more than anything I have ever felt in my entire life. I almost passed out when I got into the house and in my momma's arms, I was crying so hard. He always manages to squeeze his way back into my life and destroy everything I tried to make my own. I hate Hilda so much. I'm so lost and confused right now and I don't have any idea as to what the fuck I need to be doing. All I can do right now is hurt. Back to starting point one, yet again. I hope I can make it thru this. I know I have to, even if it kills me.
He is putting matiriel items before true love. He said he will always love what we had and me and will never forget or regret the time we shared because it meant everything to him.. but he said "with us there was just no future tho. It just could never be." And that the path in his life he chose is finally the right one (meaning now because he's working and sober and has his own car ((which Hilda bought him)) and I'm not the one taking care of him anymore cuz now he's surviving... however he has to.. with her.) and God helped him find this path and it just needs to stay this way. He said he still hurts over me and doesn't want me to hurt, but I that I needed to "take it like a man" that he's marrying somebody other than me and is wearing her ring. I then had to remind him that I am not a man, I'm a girl. The girl that still loves him and now has to really let him go and do whatever it is that makes him happy, even if that means spending his life with her and not me.
He kept trying to make bullshit conversation and I was already in tears. I just wanted him to leave. We hugged good-bye and he told me he's gonna call me from now on, not to call him, and he needs me in his life as well as needs to still be in mine. I'm so fucking torn appart right now and all the time I thought I had some what mended myself back together is now equivalent to shit because this hurts more than anything I have ever felt in my entire life. I almost passed out when I got into the house and in my momma's arms, I was crying so hard. He always manages to squeeze his way back into my life and destroy everything I tried to make my own. I hate Hilda so much. I'm so lost and confused right now and I don't have any idea as to what the fuck I need to be doing. All I can do right now is hurt. Back to starting point one, yet again. I hope I can make it thru this. I know I have to, even if it kills me.