(no subject)
Holy Benchmark Batman!! I'm DONE with classes for the semester!
Well, this is bittersweet. On one hand I'M DONE and on the other I actually like school and classes and learning and all that horrible stuff and I'm probably not going to be able to come back next semester or whatever so that's sad. And I still have finals to go :(
Still Emo about the holiday season and that friendless-ness situation but I honestly don't feel like poisoning myself or cutting my wrists into finely sliced pieces at the moment (didn't yesterday either) so I guess that's good. I don't know. I'm not sure that I'd know what happiness is if it came up and bitch slapped me at the moment--I'm just kinda...numb at the moment which is always the best part of depression because you can get so much more done in that state of mind. I mean, when you don't fell anything and have absolutely no desire to do anything then you can really focus on the outside world and get what you need from there done--like work or keeping up appearances or whatever. I know I always get my school work done much better when I'm too numb to be distracted or interested in other things. I mean, yeah I don't see a point in doing my work either other than it will distract me from introverting and analyzing myself to the point that I do feel things (which is very very bad since its usually self-deprecating thoughts) and that if I'm going to try and not kill myself I have to keep interacting with the outside world, hence keep working on papers and reading and such.
So there's that and I still haven't found anything to get my family for Christmas and that's frustrating.
Other than not studying I can't really think of anything else that is going on at the current time. I'm just sitting in the Union, reveling in the fact that I have no more classes to attend this semester and wondering what I should do for lunch--'cause I'm hongray.
Well, this is bittersweet. On one hand I'M DONE and on the other I actually like school and classes and learning and all that horrible stuff and I'm probably not going to be able to come back next semester or whatever so that's sad. And I still have finals to go :(
Still Emo about the holiday season and that friendless-ness situation but I honestly don't feel like poisoning myself or cutting my wrists into finely sliced pieces at the moment (didn't yesterday either) so I guess that's good. I don't know. I'm not sure that I'd know what happiness is if it came up and bitch slapped me at the moment--I'm just kinda...numb at the moment which is always the best part of depression because you can get so much more done in that state of mind. I mean, when you don't fell anything and have absolutely no desire to do anything then you can really focus on the outside world and get what you need from there done--like work or keeping up appearances or whatever. I know I always get my school work done much better when I'm too numb to be distracted or interested in other things. I mean, yeah I don't see a point in doing my work either other than it will distract me from introverting and analyzing myself to the point that I do feel things (which is very very bad since its usually self-deprecating thoughts) and that if I'm going to try and not kill myself I have to keep interacting with the outside world, hence keep working on papers and reading and such.
So there's that and I still haven't found anything to get my family for Christmas and that's frustrating.
Other than not studying I can't really think of anything else that is going on at the current time. I'm just sitting in the Union, reveling in the fact that I have no more classes to attend this semester and wondering what I should do for lunch--'cause I'm hongray.