Silence of the Damns

[beauty_sleeps]

So, I hate getting phone calls where you answer and there is nobody there for, like, 42 seconds. You wait while a computer tells the caller that a live person has answered your phone. And you just KNOW that they're sitting at the other end jamming microwave kettle corn into their greasy mouths and yammering with their coworkers, while waiting for an unsuspecting person to answer their home phone.

I have decided NOT to take it anymore. I got one of those calls last night, and another today. Now, usually I just hang up when I hear the dead silence, but this morning I have cramps and I'm pissy, so I decided now was time to exact my revenge. The phone rings, and I inevitably answer. Dead silence. And so it begins.

Me: Hello?
Caller: (silence)
Me: (haha, it's my chance!)
Caller: (silence)
Me: (patiently waiting)
Caller: (silence - hey, I told you it's, like, 42 seconds)
Caller: Hello? (you see, now I've got a person. an ACTUAL person)
Me: (silence)
Caller: Hello?
Me: (silence)
Caller: Helloooo? Is anybody there???
Me: Yeah, don't you hate it when you answer the phone and there's nobody there?!? Well, me too, now stop calling my house or I'll fucking have you arrested.
Caller: Damn...
Me: (click)

Then I did my patented happy booty dance all around the kitchen. I LOVE ME!