life.
this entry is going to be rather long and personal. read if you like. or you can just look at the pictures. no one has to comment, i just feel like expressing myself right now.
life lately has been amazing. its been so high then so low that it drives me nuts. im learning all the little cliches to be true. like you never know how much you love soemthing till you lose it. i havnt really lost anything but time. time i used to cherrish with my friends. i dont have much time for things with polo and school and all. these past two week however were nice to slip away from that. i forget that im supposed to cherish these years and not get caught up in the little nonsense things. ive been accepted to boulder, my first choice school. im thrilled because its what i dreamed of. i cannot believe im living finally living it. but i am scared to death to leave. i took poway for granted so much. i dont even have to leave here to realize how great it is. we all say how lame and boring poway can be but in reality its not that bad. pshh listen to me talk about how i dont want to leave the town. thats nothing, i dont want to leave the people. my closest friends are all here. my parents are here. my whole life is here. i know im just a two hour plane ride away, but that doesnt seem enough for me. im horrible at keeping in touch. im horrible at catching up. i dont want to ever be a stranger to my best friends. i dont know weather to be excited for college or upset to leave everything. i keep talking about how badly i want to be out of highschool, but in reality i dont. i dont want it to be over. i dont want my time here to be up. i want the next 8 months to be the time of my life. i want to seize every moment and let the little things go. last night i sat in bed for two hours crying and thinking. i had a melt down on the phone with my boyfriend and i was feeling really shitty afterwards. i cant tell you how amazing my night turned out to be. just laying in bed listening to music and having a great cry was exactly what i needed. i believe everything happens for a reason. i think i needed to have a melt down so i could say things ive kept bottled up. i needed a good cry because ive been so caught up in things lately it was hard to breathe. my ipod was on random and i kept telling myself the next song would describe my life or tell me some important message, something really meaningful. not once was i dissappointed in the next song. i mean every melody or chorus every lyric i felt i could relate to. even the song titles gave me goosebumps. be alright, a line allows progress a circle does not, as soon as beauty dies, such great heights, nothing wrong, cant stand me now, damn, ocean breathes salty, the good that wont come out, those to come, seeing other people, get me away from here, im dying...these are just a few from the two hours. just listening made me realize how incredibly lucky i was. my biggest problem is leaving for school. how selfish can i be? there are kids starving to death, being beat to death, being raped and murdered and pregnant and i cant even deal with having the blessing of going to college to my first choice school? honestly, i used to think i was a pretty good person but right now i think im lost in my own thoughts. i need ot be more appreciative and not analyze things till i confuse myself. i am only as strong as my weakest character.
and one more thing. since i am getting things off my chest. there are things in life i dislike. id be lying if i said i didnt hate things. but i try really hard not to ever use that word. i think its an awfully strong word used way too often. yes, i do use it out of frustration or when i truely dislike somtheing soo much, but other then that, i try not to hate things. i cannot think of one person in my life that i hoenstly hate. there are people i dont really like or dont feel compatible with but i dont hate people. its a wasted feeling if you ask me. to hate someone is to waste time and emotion on them. ive never been through a real tramatic experience where someone hurts me really bad so i guess i dont know if i understand people that hate for reasons. i dont know if i am ok with hating someone for reasons. ive never had to face that. what doesnt kill you though, only makes you stronger. i dont have a problem with people who hate me either. not that i know of anyone who hates me, but if you do, so be it. i can deal with that but im not going to hate you back. ok so thats my thoughts on the word hate.
life lately has been amazing. its been so high then so low that it drives me nuts. im learning all the little cliches to be true. like you never know how much you love soemthing till you lose it. i havnt really lost anything but time. time i used to cherrish with my friends. i dont have much time for things with polo and school and all. these past two week however were nice to slip away from that. i forget that im supposed to cherish these years and not get caught up in the little nonsense things. ive been accepted to boulder, my first choice school. im thrilled because its what i dreamed of. i cannot believe im living finally living it. but i am scared to death to leave. i took poway for granted so much. i dont even have to leave here to realize how great it is. we all say how lame and boring poway can be but in reality its not that bad. pshh listen to me talk about how i dont want to leave the town. thats nothing, i dont want to leave the people. my closest friends are all here. my parents are here. my whole life is here. i know im just a two hour plane ride away, but that doesnt seem enough for me. im horrible at keeping in touch. im horrible at catching up. i dont want to ever be a stranger to my best friends. i dont know weather to be excited for college or upset to leave everything. i keep talking about how badly i want to be out of highschool, but in reality i dont. i dont want it to be over. i dont want my time here to be up. i want the next 8 months to be the time of my life. i want to seize every moment and let the little things go. last night i sat in bed for two hours crying and thinking. i had a melt down on the phone with my boyfriend and i was feeling really shitty afterwards. i cant tell you how amazing my night turned out to be. just laying in bed listening to music and having a great cry was exactly what i needed. i believe everything happens for a reason. i think i needed to have a melt down so i could say things ive kept bottled up. i needed a good cry because ive been so caught up in things lately it was hard to breathe. my ipod was on random and i kept telling myself the next song would describe my life or tell me some important message, something really meaningful. not once was i dissappointed in the next song. i mean every melody or chorus every lyric i felt i could relate to. even the song titles gave me goosebumps. be alright, a line allows progress a circle does not, as soon as beauty dies, such great heights, nothing wrong, cant stand me now, damn, ocean breathes salty, the good that wont come out, those to come, seeing other people, get me away from here, im dying...these are just a few from the two hours. just listening made me realize how incredibly lucky i was. my biggest problem is leaving for school. how selfish can i be? there are kids starving to death, being beat to death, being raped and murdered and pregnant and i cant even deal with having the blessing of going to college to my first choice school? honestly, i used to think i was a pretty good person but right now i think im lost in my own thoughts. i need ot be more appreciative and not analyze things till i confuse myself. i am only as strong as my weakest character.
and one more thing. since i am getting things off my chest. there are things in life i dislike. id be lying if i said i didnt hate things. but i try really hard not to ever use that word. i think its an awfully strong word used way too often. yes, i do use it out of frustration or when i truely dislike somtheing soo much, but other then that, i try not to hate things. i cannot think of one person in my life that i hoenstly hate. there are people i dont really like or dont feel compatible with but i dont hate people. its a wasted feeling if you ask me. to hate someone is to waste time and emotion on them. ive never been through a real tramatic experience where someone hurts me really bad so i guess i dont know if i understand people that hate for reasons. i dont know if i am ok with hating someone for reasons. ive never had to face that. what doesnt kill you though, only makes you stronger. i dont have a problem with people who hate me either. not that i know of anyone who hates me, but if you do, so be it. i can deal with that but im not going to hate you back. ok so thats my thoughts on the word hate.