today is my mother's birthday
walking home from work today with a bag of takeout chinese, as the sun was still peeking out and downtown hadn't yet been covered in the dim half light of evening, as i'm passing
the dog park, with three happy jumping dogs who have plenty of open space;
the streets in between cars and red lights;
a middle aged couple in old coats kissing on a parkbench;
i blink and try to breathe consistently and think about things that excite. that motivate.
there are a million ways to express what makes someone happy and a million ways for sadness, and none of them have anything to do with the literal reason.
what if the literal reason was more like feeling nothing, and how all of that nothing begins to interfere with everything?
i feel like i'm losing somehow, and it's nothing that is the worst enemy.
the dog park, with three happy jumping dogs who have plenty of open space;
the streets in between cars and red lights;
a middle aged couple in old coats kissing on a parkbench;
i blink and try to breathe consistently and think about things that excite. that motivate.
there are a million ways to express what makes someone happy and a million ways for sadness, and none of them have anything to do with the literal reason.
what if the literal reason was more like feeling nothing, and how all of that nothing begins to interfere with everything?
i feel like i'm losing somehow, and it's nothing that is the worst enemy.