Fury, ecstasy, revolution....
I'm sick again. Bad cold or a sinus infection, I can't tell which. I'd feel fine if I cut my head off and just left the rest of my body. Unfortunately, I need it for other things.
Been re-watching Slings and Arrows. I managed to get the first and third season (if anyone knows where I can find the second, I'd be desperately thankful. I'm going to buy them all when I get back to the US anyway, but I need them NOW). What strikes me more than -ever- about the show is not its brilliance (I KNOW it's brilliant) or how much it calls to me, but the sheer Canadiana of it. Slings and Arrows is -truly- a show about Canadian theatre and Canada in general. And it's not in big screaming things like Canadian flags. It's a bunch of little things.
The lighting. Something about the show looks distinctly like the light in Toronto and southern canada. Southern canadian nights have this... very specific light to them, like nothing I've seen anywhere else in the world. There are several scenes in it that have that exact tone of light. It screams of Toronto, of St. Catherines. It's... just Canada. It's not even a pretty light. It's dull, gray, rather distant and bland. There is a certain tinge of drama to it, but it's not stunning. It is the light of a canadian winter and fall. It makes me ache for Canada.
And the way people say 'Sorry', they say it RIGHT in the show. Little mentions of Ken Gass and the Factory theatre. How intimately I've come to know the Toronto theatre scene and how much I miss it. And, strangely, that I've now spotted three actor friends/people who have auditioned for me in minor roles or as extras in the show. How strange. Amanda Levincrown looks VERY distinct when she's laughing, and very cute.
I'll get back there *breathe* I frakking have to. Slings and Arrows doesn't call to me because it's a theatre show any more, but because it's CANADA, and I miss that so very, very much. I miss winter. I miss snow. I miss being able to wear a big thick jacket and scarf. This will be my second winter without snow. It feels wrong.
I think, more and more, it's very clear that directing -is- what I was meant to be doing with my life. This Twelfth Night project is just making that more evident than ever. The reactions to it have been -great-. People are very excited for it, for me. Every body I've talked to about it has thought it was a great idea, save one person, and his reaction seemed more jealousy than anything. Truth be told, I was shocked by people's reactions. As usual, with any idea I have for stage, it came to me so easily. To me it felt like simple logic. It was as instinctive as breathing, eating, or walking. There were no long, grueling nights of ripping out my hair saying I need an idea for a script! It just popped into my head and I started work.
Everything I've ever directed has been this way. Granted, the work -after- the idea has been grueling, difficult, wonderful and insanity. But the actual idea was simple as pie. Yet people continue to think these ideas are brilliant. A few people have asked me how I come up with it and it's not something I can answer. It's just there, it's my nature.
If that's not an indication that this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, well, I don't know what is. Now... just to get there. The hard part. I think I need to start applying to various places for my Masters in Directing. Maybe York, though I suspect they will laugh in my face. Ryerson? I dunno if they have a program. Maybe somewhere in the US, even if it will keep me away from Canada a bit longer. It's something I need to do.
I mean...how -does- one really -break into- the profession of directing? I've been preparing and schooling all of my life to be an actor. I knew how to do that, or well, the basics. Directing is a whole new ball game. Frak.
I'm thinking of upgrading to a paid account. Just an idea. Hm.
There was more I was going to write, but it somehow isn't in my brain any more. I'll think of it later. Update again soon...
I love and miss you all.
-e
I leave you with a quote. From Slings and Arrows:
"The theatre is an empty box, and it is our task to fill it with fury, with ecstasy, with revolution."