People disgust me
I just got into an actual fight with my mother about recycling.. what the hell!? This just proves our need to be nonexistent with one another, because honestly, who the hell gets into a fight about recycling??? Let me explain..
I live in a shithole that, unlike Dearborn, did not pick up recycled items with the garbage. If we would like to recycle here, we are forced to make the extra effort to drive to a building where we're allowed to drop off our recycled goods. Now, throughout the span of my shitty high school career, I was induced with apathy [at least towards recycling] and said "fuck that" as my parents did, being retired and all [they grew lazy]. So, unfortunately, for a good four years there was no recycling coming from my household. But now that I am home again, and after learning of our deteriorating environment [not that it wasn't before, it just grows worse and worse everyday] even moreso, I am determined to start recycling. I feel bad if I don't. It takes two seconds to wash out a bottle/can and throw it into a separate bag.. maybe a good 10 minutes or so to drop it off eventually. It is such a small effort that makes a big difference in the long run.
The fact that people are too lazy to even do that makes me want to vomit. Really now, doesn't anyone care about what the world is going to be like for the future generations? Obviously my mother doesn't given that she has refused, REFUSED to recycle. She thinks she has done enough recycling in her lifetime. I'm thinking, it's not like a fucking job, it's because you give two shits! Ugh. She said not to bring up about how she doesn't "do enough" because she does much more than enough [especially in her condition]. I really wish that wasn't always a cop-out, because I feel like it's her excuse everytime. I'm not saying I know how it feels to be in her position--I don't. I just wish she wouldn't dwell on it to the point where she feels she can't do anything with her life.
She claims that in Dearborn, they [my parents] were the ones recycling and not me. I was like, Okay Mom, how old was I again? Yeah, that's right...8th grade. I don't know, maybe 14? At 14 I didn't really take into account how the environment would futuristically affect my life. Jesus. So I told her now I care more, and she brushed it off like "Everyone goes through that college phase where they want to change everything...". That really pissed me off. It's like she was discouraging me to recycle and telling me I didn't really care because it was just a phase. So I said, "It's not a phase, I actually want to be passionate about things enough to try and make a difference and change things for the rest of my life." I'm going into politics [hopefully] for god's sake.
The conversation ended with her telling me she's still not going to recycle, and me sitting at the kitchen table in disgust and amazement that she would honestly not rinse out a fucking can.
I'm still amazed.
Now we're not talking. Typical.
LAZY LAZY LAZY. Does she not read those damn 7 deadly sins she has taped to the fridge? She's so hypocritical. One big joke.
ANYWAYS...
Since I've been back I've had to opportunity to see a few of my friends, and after thorough analysis of our time together, I've realized that no matter how good of friends you think you are with someone, time apart grows people apart. It just happens, and it's nobody's fault. You [all] live separate lives, and in the time you do, you make new friends and experience new things, all things which [hopefully] aid in your growth. This growth happens outside of the normal comfort zone, outside of the acceptance from the people you are typically surrounded by, thus the slow divergence from your old self to your new self, an old path of life to a new one. The months that pass in between leave no room for puzzling the pieces back together. It is impossible to regress back, at least in true form. The inside jokes aren't the same, and the tact in which you say them changes. Everything is different, especially yourself.
Now I'm not saying that this pertains to everyone, but I have experienced it myself, but then again, not with everyone. Just some people I have seen. I feel that our lives are too different now, that the relation is too opposite. The resistance grows stronger each time we see each other, and the desperation to fix things never works out the way we want it to. Part of me wants to just let it go, because in some respects, I feel it holding me back. But I know I can't [let go]. It's odd that I can't, but it's inevitably so. I've just grown tired of the mannerisms. It's not that they are childish, but just not welcoming to my personality.
It's something I need to figure out how to handle, because right now I'm lost on what to do.
I miss my Boston friends. I miss Ali. I miss my Michigan friends [Kara, Matt, Tina... I MISS YOU SO MUCH]. I'm so used to seeing them every summer, and now that I'm not able to, I feel so half-hearted. I need them. They are the ones who really know me, the real me. And my Boston friends are the ones who are getting to know the real me, helping me transition from teenager to adult. We're all forced to jump headfirst into the unknown, and we all help build one another's foundation to maintain our own senses of security. I miss that connection. I miss them [all].
Sigh.
It's sunny and 80 degrees outside. This calls for a trip to jamba and a good book. I love reading outside. I need to clear my head. I'm not even in school and the stress is building. Good thing I'm starting work next week and can finally get out of this house, not that I don't try to avoid it every second I get anyway.
I live in a shithole that, unlike Dearborn, did not pick up recycled items with the garbage. If we would like to recycle here, we are forced to make the extra effort to drive to a building where we're allowed to drop off our recycled goods. Now, throughout the span of my shitty high school career, I was induced with apathy [at least towards recycling] and said "fuck that" as my parents did, being retired and all [they grew lazy]. So, unfortunately, for a good four years there was no recycling coming from my household. But now that I am home again, and after learning of our deteriorating environment [not that it wasn't before, it just grows worse and worse everyday] even moreso, I am determined to start recycling. I feel bad if I don't. It takes two seconds to wash out a bottle/can and throw it into a separate bag.. maybe a good 10 minutes or so to drop it off eventually. It is such a small effort that makes a big difference in the long run.
The fact that people are too lazy to even do that makes me want to vomit. Really now, doesn't anyone care about what the world is going to be like for the future generations? Obviously my mother doesn't given that she has refused, REFUSED to recycle. She thinks she has done enough recycling in her lifetime. I'm thinking, it's not like a fucking job, it's because you give two shits! Ugh. She said not to bring up about how she doesn't "do enough" because she does much more than enough [especially in her condition]. I really wish that wasn't always a cop-out, because I feel like it's her excuse everytime. I'm not saying I know how it feels to be in her position--I don't. I just wish she wouldn't dwell on it to the point where she feels she can't do anything with her life.
She claims that in Dearborn, they [my parents] were the ones recycling and not me. I was like, Okay Mom, how old was I again? Yeah, that's right...8th grade. I don't know, maybe 14? At 14 I didn't really take into account how the environment would futuristically affect my life. Jesus. So I told her now I care more, and she brushed it off like "Everyone goes through that college phase where they want to change everything...". That really pissed me off. It's like she was discouraging me to recycle and telling me I didn't really care because it was just a phase. So I said, "It's not a phase, I actually want to be passionate about things enough to try and make a difference and change things for the rest of my life." I'm going into politics [hopefully] for god's sake.
The conversation ended with her telling me she's still not going to recycle, and me sitting at the kitchen table in disgust and amazement that she would honestly not rinse out a fucking can.
I'm still amazed.
Now we're not talking. Typical.
LAZY LAZY LAZY. Does she not read those damn 7 deadly sins she has taped to the fridge? She's so hypocritical. One big joke.
ANYWAYS...
Since I've been back I've had to opportunity to see a few of my friends, and after thorough analysis of our time together, I've realized that no matter how good of friends you think you are with someone, time apart grows people apart. It just happens, and it's nobody's fault. You [all] live separate lives, and in the time you do, you make new friends and experience new things, all things which [hopefully] aid in your growth. This growth happens outside of the normal comfort zone, outside of the acceptance from the people you are typically surrounded by, thus the slow divergence from your old self to your new self, an old path of life to a new one. The months that pass in between leave no room for puzzling the pieces back together. It is impossible to regress back, at least in true form. The inside jokes aren't the same, and the tact in which you say them changes. Everything is different, especially yourself.
Now I'm not saying that this pertains to everyone, but I have experienced it myself, but then again, not with everyone. Just some people I have seen. I feel that our lives are too different now, that the relation is too opposite. The resistance grows stronger each time we see each other, and the desperation to fix things never works out the way we want it to. Part of me wants to just let it go, because in some respects, I feel it holding me back. But I know I can't [let go]. It's odd that I can't, but it's inevitably so. I've just grown tired of the mannerisms. It's not that they are childish, but just not welcoming to my personality.
It's something I need to figure out how to handle, because right now I'm lost on what to do.
I miss my Boston friends. I miss Ali. I miss my Michigan friends [Kara, Matt, Tina... I MISS YOU SO MUCH]. I'm so used to seeing them every summer, and now that I'm not able to, I feel so half-hearted. I need them. They are the ones who really know me, the real me. And my Boston friends are the ones who are getting to know the real me, helping me transition from teenager to adult. We're all forced to jump headfirst into the unknown, and we all help build one another's foundation to maintain our own senses of security. I miss that connection. I miss them [all].
Sigh.
It's sunny and 80 degrees outside. This calls for a trip to jamba and a good book. I love reading outside. I need to clear my head. I'm not even in school and the stress is building. Good thing I'm starting work next week and can finally get out of this house, not that I don't try to avoid it every second I get anyway.