(no subject)
I think my depression cloud is lifting. I feel really good. I can't wait to start learning. I've starting meditating, which has been good. I have to get back to where I was, but it should go well. My ability to just sit has gotten rusty, but these things happen. I feel vibrant. I don't know how else to describe it. I'm ready to delve into magickal work. Not quickly mind you, I have to test the water, so to say. I don't want to burn out again. But there have been huge pushes for me to start onward and upward again.
There has been influxes of 101 classes starting up around me, and maybe this is reason why I feel the push to continue. Not that I want to take these classes, which makes me frustrated, because I'm not 101. I need more than basic meditations and color corespondences. I would love to have a group to work with again, but I can't go through that beginning stuff again, it's like going to first grade again and it just aggrivates me. I wish I could just test out and advance to the next level or something. lol but I realize why groups, covens etc do that, to make sure you understand what you are doing and get a feel for how you work, but crimity sake. Let me prove what I know and we can move on. I can move and work energy, I can see auras, and can read tarot descently, I can invoke/evoke (i suppose it depends on deity, but I have a strong connection with a few, so it counts :)) I can meditate for periods of time, I can visualize very well, i can cast a spell and actually have it work (though I don't care for spell casting at all but thats a whole different discussion) I can shield and work with my own chakras and energy. Jesus it's like a resume'. But yet anywhere I go I have to do the 101 stuff. I know a lot about wiccan history, too. Clutterbuck, damn it, Clutterbuck. haha. I know quite a bit of practical magick too, herbs, stones and such. But does anyone give a tinker's damn? No.
I would love to be able to teach, but I'm not ordained through some hack church, so I have no credentials. Haha at this point I doubt anyone would trust me enough to teach them, look at what i have going for me. I'm an asshole in the community, i'm 21 (so that means i'm retarded, could you inagin me trying to teach a 40 year old, that would go over like a fart in church), and I have nothing in back of my name, or in front for that matter, I'm not "Lady" something or "Rev." something. So yeah. That sucks.
So what was I originally talking about?
And that's the way it was.