(no subject)
I hate this.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I feel like something's going to happen.
Idk, I have this nervous sort of feeling in my stomach.
I want to do something tonight. Just...I want to be out of the house. And with my friends.
I have plans 2morrow...but idk..my mom seems to have plans 2morrow too. If anything, we're still going to the movies.
I keep thinking about everything. From the beginning to the end. Trying to pick it apart so maybe what's happened will make enough sense.
I need to be rescued. I need to keep my mind busy. I hate when no one's online. I hate when I'm at home alone everyday.
I want to be alone, but at the same time I don't. My mom keeps trying to get me to do things. Molly keeps running into my room at odd times, trying to get my attention. She doesn't understand why this keeps happening. She always gets this scared look on her face when she catches me crying.
For some reason, I don't want to be around my family. I don't even feel like I'm functioning. I feel really dead.
I don't want to be around my family, but I do want to be around my friends. Especially the ones that dont mind if we don't end up doing anything entertaining, but idk...I don't want to bore them with how I am right now. I just want someone here, just someone to be around.
Where we can just watch TV, and eat food. Maybe go see a movie. Someone who wont mind if they keep talking, and I don't have to really talk back. Someone who wont be expecting anything. Someone who I can just..emotionally lean on. Idk.
I feel really left out of the world at this moment. I feel left out of MY world. What my world used to be. How it used to be. I feel like I've been cheated out of a good thing.
I'm glad I have plans tomorrow though. And I can't wait until my computer gets fixed. The next few nights are gonna be hard. I wont be able to be on and talk to people at 1 in the morning when I can't sleep because I'm thinking too much. Oh well. I can manage.
If I'm not needed, then there's no reason to keep believing I am.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I feel like something's going to happen.
Idk, I have this nervous sort of feeling in my stomach.
I want to do something tonight. Just...I want to be out of the house. And with my friends.
I have plans 2morrow...but idk..my mom seems to have plans 2morrow too. If anything, we're still going to the movies.
I keep thinking about everything. From the beginning to the end. Trying to pick it apart so maybe what's happened will make enough sense.
I need to be rescued. I need to keep my mind busy. I hate when no one's online. I hate when I'm at home alone everyday.
I want to be alone, but at the same time I don't. My mom keeps trying to get me to do things. Molly keeps running into my room at odd times, trying to get my attention. She doesn't understand why this keeps happening. She always gets this scared look on her face when she catches me crying.
For some reason, I don't want to be around my family. I don't even feel like I'm functioning. I feel really dead.
I don't want to be around my family, but I do want to be around my friends. Especially the ones that dont mind if we don't end up doing anything entertaining, but idk...I don't want to bore them with how I am right now. I just want someone here, just someone to be around.
Where we can just watch TV, and eat food. Maybe go see a movie. Someone who wont mind if they keep talking, and I don't have to really talk back. Someone who wont be expecting anything. Someone who I can just..emotionally lean on. Idk.
I feel really left out of the world at this moment. I feel left out of MY world. What my world used to be. How it used to be. I feel like I've been cheated out of a good thing.
I'm glad I have plans tomorrow though. And I can't wait until my computer gets fixed. The next few nights are gonna be hard. I wont be able to be on and talk to people at 1 in the morning when I can't sleep because I'm thinking too much. Oh well. I can manage.
If I'm not needed, then there's no reason to keep believing I am.