how, why!

[beautifulme690]

How could I just let myself start liking him again! god damnit everytime. Why do I bother liking guys when everytime I do I either ruin it or they do, yeah relationships are chances one takes yes but why cant my chances turn into something more.? why cant I feel like I did once before with that one guy.. I really loved him and I keep realizing that everyday when I see him in the halls and think oh what we used to have.. I just want that feeling to go away. No one thought id get over him that easy well I HAD to for the best I thought, and how much I alwasy hate saying this I was right for once in my life.. and nothing makes me more happy to know that and now I bet I have mascara everywhere.. no guys every care about you, im threw im concentrating on something important like my life.. that shoudl be the only thing that matters where its going and where im going. I should of NEVER messed with guys its too much for my small brain to handle, I cant even try and be smart! its not easy going threw days of cheating and asking for help. I should fucking know what im doing but no im soo much slower then everyone else! I just thank him for giving the time to talk to me back and actully talk! I mean I just fucking told him I liked him again! whos honest and brave now.. then awile later I was like I like you so much and now he doesnt kno wat to do because of stuff idk.. I mean I always get my hopes up. I actully thought id marry Brandon! ha laugh my ass off! that woulda been fucking interesting.. no comemnt there not much else to say.. but if I thought that with him im soo sure I can find someone a Million times better. Well im ending this with-- Im not hiding my feelings for u anymore.. trying to think I dont like u when I kno I do.. if I didnt like u then why do I always stare at you?! and think about you ALL the time.. or get jelous when u feel left out.. or even come back to u after 2 years? idk if thats not what I think it is then tell me what is it. I realized the reason I could never stay or REALLY try it with Anthony is because there was always a reason and now im begining to believe that u are my reason.. I like you what else can I say?

Please give me the 2nd chance that uve been thinking on giving me.. <3