Tough to be, but who else is gonna do it.

[beautifullen]

not sure what's going on right now. we're all here just kind of waiting by the phone. it's an awkward time. it takes me back to the time of when my dad passed away. i remember that everytime the phone rang i hoped and prayed that it would be the doctors or someone calling to tell us the whole thing was a bit mistake and that my dad was coming home to us. of course, that call never came. now here i am again, waitng by the phone. this time for a phone call that i do hope never comes.

am writing again. feels good to be writing again. doesn't even matter if i ever send anything in. i just want to enjoy writing again. right now i'm writing poetry and working on the scarey stories that i have collected over the years. it's fun. i'm always happiest when i'm writing. it is my escape from reality. through it i make my own reality. i can rewind and replay things the way i want to them to happen. is it avoidance? probably. do i care? no. hahahaha