(07)

[beautifull_xox]

well not a whole lot has happened today. ive been sitting around the house since i skipped school AGAIN! ive been doing alot of thinking today and i still havent resolved any of my problems. they keep finding a way to turn around on me when i think i figure it out and then make me feel stupid and lost. its really hard. i want to talk to david so bad but i dont think he wants to talk to me. or maybe its cuz he trusted someone with something and they told me..? i dont know. i talked to Joe last night for about an hour and we talked about how me and him never hang out anymore and he told me im more than welcome to go to the movies with him and some of his friends whenever they go and that he was gonna start coming over and we were gonna hang out more after he gets off restriction. maybe we'll be best friends again like the good old days. i miss em. OH and i got a letter from my ex today. he had mailed it to Joe and told him to give it to me, he was asking how ive been and told me he's coming home Jan. 28-31 and that he wanted to hang out and wants me to go to the movies with him. i dont know if i will tho because i have a boyfriend and well, you know the rest. things between me and david dont seem to be working out as much as i want them to.. it really hurts tho too cuz i found out that david told jenna that he thinks im being too serious about the relationship and that he doesnt think he likes or loves me as much as i do him. and it hurts really bad. why do i keep trying with guys? everytime i get a good guy who i like alot and want to actually be with, he doesnt feel the same way or likes someone else more than me. im not saying thats whats happening right now because im not sure, i just dont know. its like everytime i get close to a guy and really do start to like him, i push him away. and david if you read this, im sorry if it was something i did or said and if you still want to go out with me then ill take it down a couple of notches if you want, i just dont want you to be unhappy with all this. and if you think we should break up dont hide it and lead me on and make yourself unhappy. and maybe love is too strong of a word for right now, i just dont know. but i REALLY need to talk to you so please call me when you read this. anyways, im gonna go now and find something to get my mind off things. comment if you wish.

xox Ashleigh