MUHVUHFUFFING AH-MUH
i had my first asthma attack today in over seven years.
i was at the pool i had planned on working at this summer, getting recertified as a lifeguard. we had to swim 500 yards, which is tough for the out of shape, but shouldn't have been that big of a deal for me. 25 yards into it, i felt a little tightness in my chest. 50 yards into it, i felt my throat begin to constrict. 75 yards into it, my tongue swelled up. now, understand that i don't even own an inhaler anymore. i thought asthma was something i had outgrown. i mean, it hadn't been an issue since my sophomore year in high school when i had an attack during a 5 mile run for soccer tryouts. i was confused, struggling for air. i climbed out of the pool, jammed my fingers into the back of my throat, pulled down my tongue and began breathing. i was, to put it lightly, VERY FUCKING ANGRY. the training instructor walked over.
"are you ok?"
"MUHVUHFUFFING AH-MUH. HOCH-HUCHUR MUHVURFUFFUH."
"what?"
"MAH MUHVUHFUFFING AH-MUH! FUFF THIH THIP!"
"your asthma?"
"YEH, MUHVUHFUFFER!"
sitting on the benches, waiting for my tongue to recede, i watched the rest of the participants finish their sets. much to my dismay and embarrassment, even the fat girl passed. even the fat girl.
-ZGS
i was at the pool i had planned on working at this summer, getting recertified as a lifeguard. we had to swim 500 yards, which is tough for the out of shape, but shouldn't have been that big of a deal for me. 25 yards into it, i felt a little tightness in my chest. 50 yards into it, i felt my throat begin to constrict. 75 yards into it, my tongue swelled up. now, understand that i don't even own an inhaler anymore. i thought asthma was something i had outgrown. i mean, it hadn't been an issue since my sophomore year in high school when i had an attack during a 5 mile run for soccer tryouts. i was confused, struggling for air. i climbed out of the pool, jammed my fingers into the back of my throat, pulled down my tongue and began breathing. i was, to put it lightly, VERY FUCKING ANGRY. the training instructor walked over.
"are you ok?"
"MUHVUHFUFFING AH-MUH. HOCH-HUCHUR MUHVURFUFFUH."
"what?"
"MAH MUHVUHFUFFING AH-MUH! FUFF THIH THIP!"
"your asthma?"
"YEH, MUHVUHFUFFER!"
sitting on the benches, waiting for my tongue to recede, i watched the rest of the participants finish their sets. much to my dismay and embarrassment, even the fat girl passed. even the fat girl.
-ZGS