(no subject)
Dustin yelled at me bc adam was over his house and i let him hold jordan when they were gone. I started to yell but then started crying uncontrolably... i still am and its an hour later. I know my family hates him All except my mom. And all my friends feel the same. But its so difficult . We live together. And i wish we didnt. But he has no where to go. His mom just moved to flint. His dad in chelsea. And no one in town to live with besides me. I blame my mom. Even tho i wanted him here in the first place. She should of been like other moms and said no to my bf living with me.
But i realized something tonight. I cant be with adam. I can try but i will just hurt myself more. My family hates him and so do my friends and that is just to much to go up against. Im not that strong. So the kissing and cuddlling at home has to stop. The "i love yous" have to stop. EVERYTHING. Im breaking down. And i cant handle much more.
I seriously want to die tonight. Just end it all. But i dont believe in that. I wont go to heaven. And without that.... i mine as well say in this hell. Take me away. To a place where happiness lies just a head. no more tears, no more pain, no more confusion. Just bliss. I just want to be my old self again. I want to be happy. I hate being sad all the time. God please let me feel happiness once agian. I cant breathe. I certainly cant sleep. Geez, exams should be lovely tomorrow.
But i realized something tonight. I cant be with adam. I can try but i will just hurt myself more. My family hates him and so do my friends and that is just to much to go up against. Im not that strong. So the kissing and cuddlling at home has to stop. The "i love yous" have to stop. EVERYTHING. Im breaking down. And i cant handle much more.
I seriously want to die tonight. Just end it all. But i dont believe in that. I wont go to heaven. And without that.... i mine as well say in this hell. Take me away. To a place where happiness lies just a head. no more tears, no more pain, no more confusion. Just bliss. I just want to be my old self again. I want to be happy. I hate being sad all the time. God please let me feel happiness once agian. I cant breathe. I certainly cant sleep. Geez, exams should be lovely tomorrow.