pain
I TRIED TO KILL THE PAIN, BUT ONLY BROUGHT MORE
i lay dying and im pouring crismson regret and betrayal... im dying praying bleeding & screaming... am i too lost to be saved? am i too lost?
for way too many reasons, the past couple years in the life of lauren have progressively gotten worse to the point of not wanting to continue... and several points lately i thought i had finally hit rock bottom, and that my life couldnt get any worse.. once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, right? WRONG. it continues too worsen, and so i thought hey, since most of my problems result from me being too nice and people using and abusing me, maybe i should make a decision to make me happy once.. cuz i knew if i made another decision to make someone else happy (and then they hurt me) that i would end up killing myself. in a very abbreviated version this is what happened:
i met dave at the nd picnic and i thought he was cool. the following weekend (or maybe the one after that) i went to a nd football game (to see him) but hes in band and i didnt wanna talk to him too much so he wouldnt get in trouble.. even though he spent the entire time talking to these two girls ( go figure) meh.... that nite was also very very bad for lauren and im not getting into why lets just say it has to do with THE BITCH... anyways.. so i also met chelley's (ex) boyfriend, kevin, there that nite too... she was treating him really badly and i felt bad for him. (he was cute too lol) anywayz.. immedialtly i like clicked with him.. (you know my weird personality/mood detector thing) as i was leaving though, dave asked if i wanted to go to homecoming and i sed yes. (idk why, cuz someone realized i existed i guess) so following that we went on 2 dates and one was to the movies and was very uncomfortable.
first we talked alot about random shit, then we went thru his fone book and at least 75% was gurls.. then we watched the movie and talked the whole time. wen he walked me to my door i got a lil kiss, in which i was not expecting, and didnt really feel right. i liked him though... which is what scared me.. i absolutely cannot get hurt again. the second date i guess... i invited him to my house to watch hello dolly cuz hes in the play at regina.. turns out the movie wasnt even on so he spent the nite reading my yearbook looking at all the chics he knows and ignoring me (oh did i feel special) although there wasnt much time for me any other time anyway cuz hes so busy.
meanwhile i began talking to kevin online.. and hes very sweet. there was just a sense of comfort to talk about whatever i wanted. you cant help who you like, so yeah i started to like him a wee bit... i went to the movies again with a bunch of my friends and he was there... he sat next to me and by the end of the movie asked me out... i said yes. i knew it was kinda fucked up that dave had asked me to a dance and i sed yes then kevin asked me to be his girlfriend and i sed yes... and it may seem mean, but i cant change what happened. crap well i have got to go now... but i will continue my story later... (hopefully today, but i cant promise anything)
i lay dying and im pouring crismson regret and betrayal... im dying praying bleeding & screaming... am i too lost to be saved? am i too lost?
for way too many reasons, the past couple years in the life of lauren have progressively gotten worse to the point of not wanting to continue... and several points lately i thought i had finally hit rock bottom, and that my life couldnt get any worse.. once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, right? WRONG. it continues too worsen, and so i thought hey, since most of my problems result from me being too nice and people using and abusing me, maybe i should make a decision to make me happy once.. cuz i knew if i made another decision to make someone else happy (and then they hurt me) that i would end up killing myself. in a very abbreviated version this is what happened:
i met dave at the nd picnic and i thought he was cool. the following weekend (or maybe the one after that) i went to a nd football game (to see him) but hes in band and i didnt wanna talk to him too much so he wouldnt get in trouble.. even though he spent the entire time talking to these two girls ( go figure) meh.... that nite was also very very bad for lauren and im not getting into why lets just say it has to do with THE BITCH... anyways.. so i also met chelley's (ex) boyfriend, kevin, there that nite too... she was treating him really badly and i felt bad for him. (he was cute too lol) anywayz.. immedialtly i like clicked with him.. (you know my weird personality/mood detector thing) as i was leaving though, dave asked if i wanted to go to homecoming and i sed yes. (idk why, cuz someone realized i existed i guess) so following that we went on 2 dates and one was to the movies and was very uncomfortable.
first we talked alot about random shit, then we went thru his fone book and at least 75% was gurls.. then we watched the movie and talked the whole time. wen he walked me to my door i got a lil kiss, in which i was not expecting, and didnt really feel right. i liked him though... which is what scared me.. i absolutely cannot get hurt again. the second date i guess... i invited him to my house to watch hello dolly cuz hes in the play at regina.. turns out the movie wasnt even on so he spent the nite reading my yearbook looking at all the chics he knows and ignoring me (oh did i feel special) although there wasnt much time for me any other time anyway cuz hes so busy.
meanwhile i began talking to kevin online.. and hes very sweet. there was just a sense of comfort to talk about whatever i wanted. you cant help who you like, so yeah i started to like him a wee bit... i went to the movies again with a bunch of my friends and he was there... he sat next to me and by the end of the movie asked me out... i said yes. i knew it was kinda fucked up that dave had asked me to a dance and i sed yes then kevin asked me to be his girlfriend and i sed yes... and it may seem mean, but i cant change what happened. crap well i have got to go now... but i will continue my story later... (hopefully today, but i cant promise anything)