(no subject)
by tomorrow, the final decision on whether or not i can go to Israel will have to be made.
I'm guessing with how things are looking right now, that my dad wont let me go.
I keep wondering if there would be something else I could do to make this happen. But i've been trying everything i've known to do. I've made a million phone calls. I've written letters. I've asked advice. At this point, short of a massive change in pitt policy, I'm pretty much sunk.
My dad is also getting second thoughts about the program in general. He's been sitting here laughing at the fact that I think I'm mature enough to go spend a year in a foreign country without any parental control.
I know I'm not remotely mature yet. but without being completely on my own, I'll never have the chance of reaching that level of independent maturity. I kind of need to make my own mistakes.
Going to Pitt next fall? I don't know. part of me is okay with that. it'll be a much easier adjustment. I can proably do study abroad during my sophmore or junior year or something. But it'll be undoubtably a different experience. part of me was okay with just going to pitt BECAUSE I knew that I would have this year in Israel. A year to break away from the traps, to not have the same pressures that i've been facing all my life. For example, if i go to Pitt, I know next year I'll probably end up teaching hebrew school, I'd be walking down the streets I know far too well. and I probably couldn't go a day without seeing some random person who knows me.
There's not much space for changing or growing in an environment like that. Maybe my dad is right. I want to get away from parental control for a bit. Not because I want to suddenly start a lifestyle as a crack addicted whore, but because I want to have a chance to decide who I am for myself.
Sorry to everyone who's had to put up with my stupid Israel vs. College problem. I'm sorry that it's basically been all I've talked about for the last week. I promise that once the decision is finally made, I will try to be positive about it and I will try not to talk about it too much.
If i can't go to Israel though, I'm going to KILL the next person who asks me "wait, weren't you going?" or "what are you doing next year?"
I'm guessing with how things are looking right now, that my dad wont let me go.
I keep wondering if there would be something else I could do to make this happen. But i've been trying everything i've known to do. I've made a million phone calls. I've written letters. I've asked advice. At this point, short of a massive change in pitt policy, I'm pretty much sunk.
My dad is also getting second thoughts about the program in general. He's been sitting here laughing at the fact that I think I'm mature enough to go spend a year in a foreign country without any parental control.
I know I'm not remotely mature yet. but without being completely on my own, I'll never have the chance of reaching that level of independent maturity. I kind of need to make my own mistakes.
Going to Pitt next fall? I don't know. part of me is okay with that. it'll be a much easier adjustment. I can proably do study abroad during my sophmore or junior year or something. But it'll be undoubtably a different experience. part of me was okay with just going to pitt BECAUSE I knew that I would have this year in Israel. A year to break away from the traps, to not have the same pressures that i've been facing all my life. For example, if i go to Pitt, I know next year I'll probably end up teaching hebrew school, I'd be walking down the streets I know far too well. and I probably couldn't go a day without seeing some random person who knows me.
There's not much space for changing or growing in an environment like that. Maybe my dad is right. I want to get away from parental control for a bit. Not because I want to suddenly start a lifestyle as a crack addicted whore, but because I want to have a chance to decide who I am for myself.
Sorry to everyone who's had to put up with my stupid Israel vs. College problem. I'm sorry that it's basically been all I've talked about for the last week. I promise that once the decision is finally made, I will try to be positive about it and I will try not to talk about it too much.
If i can't go to Israel though, I'm going to KILL the next person who asks me "wait, weren't you going?" or "what are you doing next year?"