(no subject)
im back!!! went to north carolina to visit cousin...dealt with the amusements of military base
took her and adorable baby to hospital...discovered hes autistic and will prolly will never talk
went to aunts, had fun... discovered dog died
i feel like such a little kid right now, like really vulnerable. i just wanna hide under my bed till it all disapeares but it wont. my dad decided i had become too attached to her and let her go. found out she had been hit by a car while i was at my aunts, drove home and burried her yesterday. its too fucking quiet now. i dont have anyone to share my poptart with or make my bed furry and warm, or to wimper at me to hold her, or to dig through my trash and give me something to clean, i feel so fucking useless. everything leaves or dies. life sucks. when do i get my turn. i passed out last night and didnt even remember to let sean out i feel bad now. life continues i guess. sean spent the day with me. that helped alot, he helped my dad dig a hole and went with us to pick up her body and then helped me put her in the ground. my dad was such an ass about the whole thing. he just wanted to get back to work. it would have been better if he hadnt come back. i wanna kill him soo bad. i want to make him feel like my mom and i have felt for the past few years. i wish for just one moment i could just show him what he does to her, cory wants to come home and confront him about it all. when that happens, ill make sure im gone.
other than that, life continues. fixing car...working...cleaning...being a babbling whining, crying person that i am.
took her and adorable baby to hospital...discovered hes autistic and will prolly will never talk
went to aunts, had fun... discovered dog died
i feel like such a little kid right now, like really vulnerable. i just wanna hide under my bed till it all disapeares but it wont. my dad decided i had become too attached to her and let her go. found out she had been hit by a car while i was at my aunts, drove home and burried her yesterday. its too fucking quiet now. i dont have anyone to share my poptart with or make my bed furry and warm, or to wimper at me to hold her, or to dig through my trash and give me something to clean, i feel so fucking useless. everything leaves or dies. life sucks. when do i get my turn. i passed out last night and didnt even remember to let sean out i feel bad now. life continues i guess. sean spent the day with me. that helped alot, he helped my dad dig a hole and went with us to pick up her body and then helped me put her in the ground. my dad was such an ass about the whole thing. he just wanted to get back to work. it would have been better if he hadnt come back. i wanna kill him soo bad. i want to make him feel like my mom and i have felt for the past few years. i wish for just one moment i could just show him what he does to her, cory wants to come home and confront him about it all. when that happens, ill make sure im gone.
other than that, life continues. fixing car...working...cleaning...being a babbling whining, crying person that i am.