(no subject)
So, things pretty much suck right now. No matter where I look, I can't seem to find the good in things. My aunt Meredith passed away a few days ago, her funeral is today. I really wish I could have made it, but I'm not financially stable enough that my budget will allow me to splurge on a plane ticket. Part of me feels really guilty about it, but I realize some things are beyond my control.
Things at home are awful. Watching my grandmother deteriorate is chewing me up inside. I went out with my dad yesterday (total disaster) and stopped in to say hello. When I came upstairs, she was laying in bed, half asleep. When she awoke to my voice and got out of bed, she appeared so frail. I hate seeing her like this. Moreover, I hate the way my dad treats her. He was on edge all day yesterday, making snide comments about everything. Finally, when we were out to eat, I told him it would be a good idea for him to go to anger management classes again. That really made him lose his temper. In fact, he threw a twenty on the table and stormed right out of the restaurant. So, I walked home from Harvard square. Not so bad considering it was a beautiful night, I got some exercise, and boy did I need the fresh air to help me vent. I called my mom and I let it all out. AND, I gave the homeless lady a tampon.
I want to get better, to help myself, but all I can think about is my grandmother...it makes me tear up.
I'm not going to give up, not just yet. I don't know what it is that keeps me going, I just do.
I have to go clean the bathroom now, the toilet overflowed!
Things at home are awful. Watching my grandmother deteriorate is chewing me up inside. I went out with my dad yesterday (total disaster) and stopped in to say hello. When I came upstairs, she was laying in bed, half asleep. When she awoke to my voice and got out of bed, she appeared so frail. I hate seeing her like this. Moreover, I hate the way my dad treats her. He was on edge all day yesterday, making snide comments about everything. Finally, when we were out to eat, I told him it would be a good idea for him to go to anger management classes again. That really made him lose his temper. In fact, he threw a twenty on the table and stormed right out of the restaurant. So, I walked home from Harvard square. Not so bad considering it was a beautiful night, I got some exercise, and boy did I need the fresh air to help me vent. I called my mom and I let it all out. AND, I gave the homeless lady a tampon.
I want to get better, to help myself, but all I can think about is my grandmother...it makes me tear up.
I'm not going to give up, not just yet. I don't know what it is that keeps me going, I just do.
I have to go clean the bathroom now, the toilet overflowed!