(no subject)
so i've been a junior for 2 days, as of today.
it's so weird, i don't feel like a junior and i don't feel like my friends are seniors. i look at them and they still seem like juniors to me idk. i don't want them to ever leave, graduation is going to be so sad. but i don't want to think about that now, i'm just hoping for a great year and that things don't change that much even though i'm kindof skeptical right now, but time will tell.
so basically looking back on summer, it was good. i can't really complain, but the thing that really sucked was that the week before preseason had the crappiest weather ever and i was so looking forward to that for beach time. i went to camp up in esopus, ny and it was definitely one of the highlights of my summer, if not the highlight. i met amazing new friends and met the most amazing campers ever. i went into the experience knowing it would be a good one, but not expecting how sad i would be to leave and how much it would have affected me, i came home and cried for like the whole day and just slept. i felt so drained and i felt like no one understood how much fun i had in that one week. it's the type of thing where you have to go be there to understand. everyone that goes to esopus has the same exact feelings on it and everyone is just so connected. i was glad alicia came with me because i know i always have her to look back on camp with. i cannot wait for next year, but i really hope we make plans soon and hang out with all the camp people, i miss them like crazy<3
i went to the beach a decent amount and hung out with friends a good amount. things could have been better, but weren't terrible. the summer basically ended with a bang on august 31st when christine had another one of her crazy parties once again. she is amazing and pulls off great parties time after time, i live for them. i got so wasted, definitely never drank so much in my life before, i get worse and worse each time. i seriously don't remember like anything, just random stuff. however, i was not exactly a good girl =X ed, angela's boyfriend, had been telling me all night to hook up with his friend chris, the kid has like no balls though but like he kept telling me to just go up to him and hook up with him. well i didn't really do that but like idk some how i ended up with him outside and he was saying he was going to puke and i was comforting him and we peed together in the bushes as angela reminded me the next day even though i really don't remember that. then somehow and i will never know how, we ended up in the woods next to her house and next thing i realized we were just hooking up. i seriously feel like i was drugged because i kept going in and out. like i remember tiny parts of it, i remember like snapping out of it and realizing his hand was like latched onto my boob and i was like oh, that's totally normal. like i thought nothing of it, then next time i realize his hands are down my pants, not doing good things exactly. well like good things for me haha but i shouldn't have allowed him to do it, but like i said, i was totally wasted and in my head, it was totally normal. so we must have been there for like at least a half hour because finally ang found me and her and sean said they were looking for me for the longest time and i felt really bad afterwards, but at the time i was totally out of it. then i ended up puking in the bushes because rachel told me to even though i didn't have to so she told me to stick my fingers down my throat and i was like no but i made myself throw up anyway, and it was in front of a lot of people, it was gross and i can't believe i did that lol. so i went home around 12:30 and looking back on it, that was a bad idea because i was definitely not sober, i was at probably my worst point and got home and encountered my mom and idr what i said to her. the whole end of the night is totally blurry for me. but overall i would say it definitely ended the summer on a good note because i had alot of fun.
oh so i tried out for soccer, busting my ass to make varsity, only to get cut and put on jv, again. i was soo upset and cried for like the night and it just sucked. i hate the coach with a burning passion for all the shit she has put me through for the past 2 years between soccer and lacrosse. she plays with my head and i always get screwed over, she has no idea the effect she has had on me, in a bad way. but now, i am sticking it out on jv to show her that i do not belong there and i belong on varsity. everyone knows i belong up there and doesn't know what she was thinking, but that's expected. i will make my way up there because she deserves to be proven wrong and made a fool of. the jv practices are pathetic, but somehow we managed to win today and i got voted captain =) that makes me really happy because at least that is one perk. and i played a ton today but i didn't score which really pissed me off, but i feel like busted my ass for that team and the goals will come.
i think i got a little heat exhaustion today because i came home and felt like complete shit with a stomach ache and head ache, so i slept for alot of the night. it was nice to relax.
tomorrow i have practice for a little then i will hopefully be working because even though it's not my favorite thing, i need some more money. maybe i will write in this thing more often this year, although probably not because i never stick to it haha.
it's so weird, i don't feel like a junior and i don't feel like my friends are seniors. i look at them and they still seem like juniors to me idk. i don't want them to ever leave, graduation is going to be so sad. but i don't want to think about that now, i'm just hoping for a great year and that things don't change that much even though i'm kindof skeptical right now, but time will tell.
so basically looking back on summer, it was good. i can't really complain, but the thing that really sucked was that the week before preseason had the crappiest weather ever and i was so looking forward to that for beach time. i went to camp up in esopus, ny and it was definitely one of the highlights of my summer, if not the highlight. i met amazing new friends and met the most amazing campers ever. i went into the experience knowing it would be a good one, but not expecting how sad i would be to leave and how much it would have affected me, i came home and cried for like the whole day and just slept. i felt so drained and i felt like no one understood how much fun i had in that one week. it's the type of thing where you have to go be there to understand. everyone that goes to esopus has the same exact feelings on it and everyone is just so connected. i was glad alicia came with me because i know i always have her to look back on camp with. i cannot wait for next year, but i really hope we make plans soon and hang out with all the camp people, i miss them like crazy<3
i went to the beach a decent amount and hung out with friends a good amount. things could have been better, but weren't terrible. the summer basically ended with a bang on august 31st when christine had another one of her crazy parties once again. she is amazing and pulls off great parties time after time, i live for them. i got so wasted, definitely never drank so much in my life before, i get worse and worse each time. i seriously don't remember like anything, just random stuff. however, i was not exactly a good girl =X ed, angela's boyfriend, had been telling me all night to hook up with his friend chris, the kid has like no balls though but like he kept telling me to just go up to him and hook up with him. well i didn't really do that but like idk some how i ended up with him outside and he was saying he was going to puke and i was comforting him and we peed together in the bushes as angela reminded me the next day even though i really don't remember that. then somehow and i will never know how, we ended up in the woods next to her house and next thing i realized we were just hooking up. i seriously feel like i was drugged because i kept going in and out. like i remember tiny parts of it, i remember like snapping out of it and realizing his hand was like latched onto my boob and i was like oh, that's totally normal. like i thought nothing of it, then next time i realize his hands are down my pants, not doing good things exactly. well like good things for me haha but i shouldn't have allowed him to do it, but like i said, i was totally wasted and in my head, it was totally normal. so we must have been there for like at least a half hour because finally ang found me and her and sean said they were looking for me for the longest time and i felt really bad afterwards, but at the time i was totally out of it. then i ended up puking in the bushes because rachel told me to even though i didn't have to so she told me to stick my fingers down my throat and i was like no but i made myself throw up anyway, and it was in front of a lot of people, it was gross and i can't believe i did that lol. so i went home around 12:30 and looking back on it, that was a bad idea because i was definitely not sober, i was at probably my worst point and got home and encountered my mom and idr what i said to her. the whole end of the night is totally blurry for me. but overall i would say it definitely ended the summer on a good note because i had alot of fun.
oh so i tried out for soccer, busting my ass to make varsity, only to get cut and put on jv, again. i was soo upset and cried for like the night and it just sucked. i hate the coach with a burning passion for all the shit she has put me through for the past 2 years between soccer and lacrosse. she plays with my head and i always get screwed over, she has no idea the effect she has had on me, in a bad way. but now, i am sticking it out on jv to show her that i do not belong there and i belong on varsity. everyone knows i belong up there and doesn't know what she was thinking, but that's expected. i will make my way up there because she deserves to be proven wrong and made a fool of. the jv practices are pathetic, but somehow we managed to win today and i got voted captain =) that makes me really happy because at least that is one perk. and i played a ton today but i didn't score which really pissed me off, but i feel like busted my ass for that team and the goals will come.
i think i got a little heat exhaustion today because i came home and felt like complete shit with a stomach ache and head ache, so i slept for alot of the night. it was nice to relax.
tomorrow i have practice for a little then i will hopefully be working because even though it's not my favorite thing, i need some more money. maybe i will write in this thing more often this year, although probably not because i never stick to it haha.