Mental note: Dustin could die today, and I wouldn't care.
Well let us see... I haven't updated my journal in a while. Things have been down a lot but that's why I feel today would be a wise time to update.
It's funny because I have no desire to give a history of the last few weeks, not because it hurts (which it did for a while) but because I feel like it's behind me...
But I will go ahead so that when I look back on this I will remember. ***dot dot dot...***
Dustin left me for a freshman named Alison after knowing her for just 3 days. He threw everything we had away for something new. We had said we loved eachother and that we wouldn't date anyone for the time being. That lasted a week. So he is with her, now... doesn't call... doesn't spend time with me anymore... I guess we were not only in love but we obviously weren't really best friends, either because I got thrown away like I was nothing...
It did hurt for some time, but I decided I was tired of missing him and that this time I wasn't going to decay for 3 years wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Instead of thinking about someone who doesn't love me... I was going to break free.
I didn't get rid of the things that reminded me of him, like I wanted to do, but instead whenever I see them now, I laugh and realize how stupid everything was...
Then about a week ago(?)... An old friend of mine IMed me out of nowhere. Blake Cowing. We just made conversation, and then I came to realize that he had just broken up with his girlfriend of a year and a half, Alyssa Nicholson, and we decided that we were going through the same garbage but we could pull through together. Old friends connecting on an emotional level... it felt good.
Well we both work, so we hadn't found time to send together, but we talked at school, online and on the phone a bit.
I had plans of moving to France, but they were interrupted by my sister's feelings torwards the idea, and the fact that I didn't want others to think it was because I was giving up. Which I was. But why the fuck was I giving up life here for someone who now means nothing to me?
Fuck That.
I didn't quit my amazing job. Instead I am trying to kick ass. Friday night I had to work down in Palm Coast (20 min or -) from Daytona. We were shooting Senior Portraits. I have a family friend who lived down there, so instead of driving 2 hours down, 2 hours back x's 2 ( because I had work on Saturday too) I decided to simply stay at his house Friday night and then drive home after work on Saturday. Mother agreed and it was great.
I got off work at about 8ish, helped pack up and Kyle and I drove around, went to McDonald's and then talked for like EVER in his car while sitting in a Blockbuster parking lot. We talked about sex and stuff. He thought it was "so fucking awesome" that I was so honest and open about the subject. He wished more girls would do that and it made me laugh. We went to his house and did stuff on his computer, talked and then went to bed around 2 am. I had to wake up at 7 for work, but it was okay. I wasn't tired. I worked all fucking day Saturday, met some great people, and when we were packing up, I twisted my leg, through out my knee and fell on my face. It hurt so bad that I was in tears and couldn't even move. I was screaming in pain. My screams were so shrill that it even hurt my hears. My manager picked me up and carried me across the gym and sat me down on the bleechers.
I work with 20-28 years olds if you don't count my mother, so my co-worker Darren came over to me as I was crying in pain, and asked me if I was alright. I like him. He is very cool but also 21. I didn't want to seem like a pussy so I didn't even wait 5 min. I got up and attempted to carry things out to the Uhaul like nothign happend. Darren ( I call him 2-E) tried helping me to make sure I was okay, but I didn't want his help. He started gimping around making fun of me and gave me the nickname "hard ass". LOL. I love it.
Today Blake and I had planned to def. spend time together. I called him around 10ish, because my cell phone got cut off. He said his car died on Blanding last night and he was going to take care of it, so I had time to clean my room but I fell asleep when I was done.
He called my house, and I freaked when I answered. He laughed and I told him about my knee. He kept asking me if I was okay. It was sweet. I took a shower, and he came over. We went to our friend Amanda Olsen's house. She is so awesome.
He didn't want me climbing her stairs. He even asked me if I wanted him to carry me, but me being a hardass, I did it myself. It hurt like a motherfucker but you would have never known by my face. We took online quizzes and played with a fake gun. After I shot everyone including myself in the room, I took an online quiz to find out what type of "chocolate" I was. Milk Chocolate. Haha.
Amanda and I walked downstairs and talked in her kitchen for a long time about boys, life, school, Blake and Alyssa, and how I liked Blake. LOL.
Then Blake came down with Peter, and we all hung out. Amanda and I thought it would be awesome to straighten Blake's hair, so we did and I took pics and videos. Then Peter went to pick up their friend, Austin to make a spanish video for school. He walked in and OMG. He was so cute, all quiet and mysterious. I always melt for those types. Everytime.
Peter and I decided to race upstairs to get Amanda's old yearbook to look up someone. Blake was like "No Raven! You can't hurt your knee. I don't want you to go. I want you to be careful." I was like "No I can do it." and Peter ran while I hopped real fucking fast on my left leg. Coming down, I slipped because I was leaning on the left side of my body due to the pain, and I fell down the stairs. FUCKING OUCH.
We sat down in the living room and Peter and I decided we wanted to watch Anchorman. Holy shit. I was playing with Blake's phone and on his screen I put "Sex Panther". If you do not know what that is, rent the movie. hahahaha. It was great. Blake was sitting next to me, and on th other side of him was Austin. I noticed everytime I looked up that Austin was looking at me. We stared at eachother for a little bit, and I thought it was cute. There is always a way that the quiet mysterious boys flirt and it's with their eyes and facial expressions. I know this well, and I enjoyed it a lot. I hope he likes me.
Amanda's friend had to leave, so they asked me to be in their Spanish video. Which meant I had to put on a prom dress. I freaked out. Me? In a prom dress? No way. I hate my body. But I put one on anyway and walked downstairs. Everyone looked at me and I felt self concious. It looked good on me, actually and I got a couple smiles from Blake and Austin. I felt happy.
It was coming time for us to leave, but we were playing with the video camera and when we put it on night vision, it turned my hair blond looking. Blake and I decided that I would look really good blond. I just might consider it. Then we "realllllllly" had to go and I had to change out of the dress and say goodbye.
Blake and I talked the whole ride home and took more pictures. I had an amazing day. Bring me tomorrow! <3
I love you.
Amanda beginning to straighten Blake’s hair.
Blake’s “I wonder how I got in this” look.
Amanda calling her friend Heather who took forever to come over.
Amanda and I in her bathroom before I took Heather’s dress off.
Amanda and I are so cute. <3 I love her.
A bad picture of Peter. LOL. He’s so cool. And the next millionaire, seriously.
And last but not least, Austin. He’s such a cute guy!