(no subject)
well, i'm at work right now...its my lunch and i'm still here. i have no where to go cause i
am broke as a joke until friday. i kinda like this job. i make a lot of money and i need it. so i guess i had better learn to like it if i end up hating it, right? now i will prolly end up working in an office for the rest of my life and never finish school. i cant even go to school for an hour and take a fucking test because i am here all day. i only need 5 goddam credits too. isnt that hella sad? i think it is. i was all excited that i would finally have a fucking high school diploma but now i prolly wont. what the fuck is that about? errr...i'm pissed. goddammit...and i gotta go back to work in 10 fuckin minutes. i think i got a lot of aggression right now cause i keep cussin like its the thing to do. oh well. everyone here is really nice...but right now i dont feel like talking to anyone cause i'm in a bad mood. i feel like shit and i got cramps like no one's business. i wanna crawl into a hole so no one can talk to me. either that or beat the shit out of someone...i think the second idea would probably make me feel sooo much better than crawling in a hole would but i'm supposed to try to be good from now on. plus i had to stop smoking fuckin pot because of this job. i think that is the worst part of it all. its like they are taking away my air...and i need air to live. plus i might not even pass the drug test that they give me either. i've been drinking HELLA water everyday nonstop because i heard it helps get pot out of your system...whatever it takes to try and pass though right? i've never made this money at a job before so i guess i am required to put some effort into it, huh? i GUESS. i had a bad dream last night. it involved one of my best friends fucking around with my ex-boyfriend, the only guy i've ever loved. not only that, but after i asked her to stop talking to him, she told me that they were going out. i freaked out and beat her ass. but the worst part was that i had already lost him and then i lost her. i woke up feeling like shit. i hate missing someone that i should hate. i hate hating him..but he hurt me so bad. why do i try to compare every guy that i like to him? i try everything to get him out of my memory but i cant. i even threw away all the letters, pictures, everything that reminded me of him. i still feel the hole deep inside my heart that he left in me. it feels like it grows bigger and bigger everytime he crosses my mind. i hate that he gives me these feelings. why cant i move on? i ask myself that all the time when i already know the answer...i cant move on because he was the greatest guy i've ever met. i cant move on because my heart wont let me. and i hate him because of that. well, my lunch is over. but i dont wanna do any work. err...i miss kristine...i need to call her. i need some one to talk to or something before i EXPLODE....
am broke as a joke until friday. i kinda like this job. i make a lot of money and i need it. so i guess i had better learn to like it if i end up hating it, right? now i will prolly end up working in an office for the rest of my life and never finish school. i cant even go to school for an hour and take a fucking test because i am here all day. i only need 5 goddam credits too. isnt that hella sad? i think it is. i was all excited that i would finally have a fucking high school diploma but now i prolly wont. what the fuck is that about? errr...i'm pissed. goddammit...and i gotta go back to work in 10 fuckin minutes. i think i got a lot of aggression right now cause i keep cussin like its the thing to do. oh well. everyone here is really nice...but right now i dont feel like talking to anyone cause i'm in a bad mood. i feel like shit and i got cramps like no one's business. i wanna crawl into a hole so no one can talk to me. either that or beat the shit out of someone...i think the second idea would probably make me feel sooo much better than crawling in a hole would but i'm supposed to try to be good from now on. plus i had to stop smoking fuckin pot because of this job. i think that is the worst part of it all. its like they are taking away my air...and i need air to live. plus i might not even pass the drug test that they give me either. i've been drinking HELLA water everyday nonstop because i heard it helps get pot out of your system...whatever it takes to try and pass though right? i've never made this money at a job before so i guess i am required to put some effort into it, huh? i GUESS. i had a bad dream last night. it involved one of my best friends fucking around with my ex-boyfriend, the only guy i've ever loved. not only that, but after i asked her to stop talking to him, she told me that they were going out. i freaked out and beat her ass. but the worst part was that i had already lost him and then i lost her. i woke up feeling like shit. i hate missing someone that i should hate. i hate hating him..but he hurt me so bad. why do i try to compare every guy that i like to him? i try everything to get him out of my memory but i cant. i even threw away all the letters, pictures, everything that reminded me of him. i still feel the hole deep inside my heart that he left in me. it feels like it grows bigger and bigger everytime he crosses my mind. i hate that he gives me these feelings. why cant i move on? i ask myself that all the time when i already know the answer...i cant move on because he was the greatest guy i've ever met. i cant move on because my heart wont let me. and i hate him because of that. well, my lunch is over. but i dont wanna do any work. err...i miss kristine...i need to call her. i need some one to talk to or something before i EXPLODE....