(no subject)
I hate my job and I'm almost sure my job hates me. It sucks, but is completely true. I don't think many people get me. I know it's difficult to work with me at times because I call people out on bullshit and I hate coworkers that think I'll do anything for them when they act naive and stupid to get out of work. So it leaves me in a weird postition with many of them. Can't say that I blame them. But I am always there when people need to talk about their life and I am good at that no matter where I am. It sucks because 3 years back me and these people would be best friends. Always going out. Probably getting myself into a lot of trouble. Now, they'd rather not hang out or work with me it feels like. It leaves me feeling sad, and I don't think I really fit in and No One likes feeling that way. I think I need to look for a new job. :( I hate being so god damn old all the time. Old soul in a young body.
My period is making me into an emotional person.
Just tried another bank for consolidating my loans. If it doesn't go through, Brian will cosign for me through Wells Fargo. I'd rather NOT have him on my loans or anyone for that matter BUT he's already on 1 of the 2 and if I don't consolidate before my grace period is over he will still be on 1 no matter what I do. So we'll see what happens.........Story of my life.
Brian applied for another job today. I think he will get it. Hopefully it will open up more doors for him. I want him to have the things he's always wanted. Maybe this will make that possible.
I need to see how much we owe on the house. Maybe we can make a little money off it when we sell.
Downtown Atlanta looked nicer than I ever dreamed it was, but I never lost the fear that I would get shot. Not to say everyone is carrying a gun! BUT my stomach never let me think I was safe. Usually I pay careful attention to my gut feelings. I'm usually right.
Sorry that I'm writing every on my mind but I've been bottling it up a Little too long so I'm going to get it all out so I can sleep well again.
I REALLY hate it when people use me. It's like an ongoing story.
I wish I was made out of money!!
The whole family situation is very scary. I always felt like I had a crutch if anything ever went south with me. I never used it but it felt safe. Now it has crumbled. I will be there for them however I can, but it's almost too much to think about. What's the next step lawyer?
I'd like to think I had some poetic phrases deep inside me that I could write on this, but I think they have been and will continue to be lost.
Today is rough.