The begining of a long process
Contagion Compositions,
In association with Acid Trip Productions,
Presents...
Love Nicholas
N.
N.D.C.
C.
(Inside the front cover is four blank name tags placed around a square each with a quote on it.)
1."I'm writing it on a piece of a paper I’m hoping you someday you might find...
well ll'i edih ti dniheb gniht emos yeht lliw reven kool dniheb." NIN
2. "Take me back to the day that i went blind SLM
I would like to see your face one last time"
3. We are the imagination of ourselves We Are the undesired infection We are constantly making up new pain.
4. "There’s no sight she'd rather see then poor ole broken hearted me" The trews
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Table of contents
(each chapter it’s self will be in chronological order not the whole thing)
Chapter 1. ---------------------Love & Hate (All my emotion of love
Trust & Death and hate)
Chapter 2.----------------------Creatively Drastic Mad Brilliance (Self searching)
Chapter 3.----------------------Lyrics of songs to be created
Chapter 4.----------------------Journal entries
Chapter 5.----------------------Misc.-Quotes and random writings
Page 1
Chapter 1. Love&Hate and Trust&Death
A Long December 20th2006
Love has blinded me too many times and real love has evaded me with great skill. What I wouldn't give to be on cloud nine, high on hope and pacified with dreams. I've been addicted to a lot but I must say love is defiantly the greatest of drugs. I know I’m in love with being in love but at least I’m no longer in love with the sound of being in love. My greatest mistake is that i don't speak my thoughts and clear my head. Instead i bottle it all up and shake it like champagne. What a damn mess I’ve made.
Hate has overpowered my memories once again. This duality inside of me has to end. Twisted and torn I’ve been beaten and reborn. I'm throwing in all my chips for this one last bet. I'm calling your bluff, Fate, you fucking bitch time for it to end!
December 20th 2006
Double Vision
Love is companionship; love is sharing in emotions and the miracle of life. Love is tender and thoughtful. Love cures when everything else can’t and love fills the days with joy and happiness. Love gives you a reason to wake up everyday. Love is a work in progress. Love is the definition of cloud nine. Love gives you a reason to wake up everyday love gives you a reason to wake up everyday love giveS you a reason to wake up everyday. LOVE GIVES YOU A REASON TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY. ------------------------------
Love is self destructive, love is cruel and envious. Love blinds and corrupts the future. Love is hurt and pain, love is war. Love is a poisonous agent that eats away at your heart and soul. Love ultimately turns to loneliness and despair. Love breaks all the rules and blackens out the good parts. Love is suicide. Love abandons you when you need it the most. Love consumes and an abuse, love is no friend. Love is suicide; love is suicide love is suicide love is suicide LOVE IS SUICIDE!
Page 2
Dec 24th 2006
With a Blink
Candy Cane Kisses and Bubble Gum Drops
Every time she breaths my heart stops
I lay next to her caressing delicate hair
My finger gliding across, her skin so fair
She moans and I hear the rhythm of her heart
Her pulse quickens and that beat makes mine start
Every second embraced feels like forever
But forever can take it’s time as long as were together
She’s the object of my passionate affection
The desire of my undying obsession
I can live with only her by my side
We go together like the moon and the tide
She gives me a new direction, the greatest distraction
And this testament of my love is only a fraction
Softly and gently I shower her with butterfly kisses
It’s then without deliberation I know I want her to be my Mrs.
“To find riches is a beggar’s dream, but to find love is a dream of kings” Sidney Sheldon
Jan 1st 2007
Locked Away
Karma shall have its wicked way,
For all your torture, it’s you that has to pay.
She’s got my head all fucked
My insides all turned out
She dismissed my complete exsistence
Erase my memories and provide a new way
I’m locking it up for good and uncasting your spell that needs no keys
Fuck all your lies and fuck your pretty face
I’m spitting out the last of your bitter sweet taste
Regaining control
Taking back my soul
I’ve concluded our time together was a lie
You amaze me with your downright deceit
Accept as I have our utter defeat
I suppose this is a manifesto of my retreat
Page 3
Feb 7th 2007
Untitled
“I will break you into pieces I will hold you up for all the world to see! Yeah what makes you think you are better than me?” Everclear
Such raw emotion oozes from those lines. An exact-o-knife cut revenge if you ask me, sweetened all the ore with the bitter taste of rust dripping off the blade. How easy it would be to crush these little girls with their juvenile lies. Present them bare assed in front of all. Then let the crowd send them on their way with an embarrassment of a spanking. Each of their lies compounded on top of one another each holding the other firmly in place, well most of the time. I marvel at how beautifully woven it has become. But little were they prepared for the bumble bee of truth it’s crashing through sending the spider dangling then careening to the floor. My steady eye and heavy boot pounce at this chance. The blood we shared splattered all across the stairs. Love Nicholas
Feb 15th 2007
A blank page with a white label placed in the center parallel with the top left and bottom right corners with an 1/8th of an inch boarder and inside the label it says “unbearable pain you can’t even explain”.
Feb 17th 2007
Have Some Composure
(Title made to look like it’s the name for a name tag)
God you’ve become a disgrace
Have some composure for Christ sakes
That silky hair is wrapped around her finger
A beautiful accessory to her flawed personality
She never shuts up and always talks out of turn
Have no fear, there’s no message, so have no concern
Nothing of her style is original
At best she’s a worn out punch line
Her trying to dress herself is like last year’s fashion
All sorts of fucked up with no passion
God you’re a disgrace
Have some composure for Christ sakes
I was so lost and confused
She found and abused
Thought she was clever my manipulating
Little did she know I was stipulating
I let her play her games of deception
What a sad girl it takes to lie about conception
All I want to do is hold you (her voices)
Al I want to do is choke you (my voices)
Fuck those bitches and all their shit
All your friends were right
Now she’s a miserable sight
God you’ve become such a disgrace
Have some fucking composure for Christ Sakes
Page 4
Feb 23 2007
A drawn picture of a tree or nuclear mushroom cloud
I’m the evil seed
The bad apple that doesn’t fall far from the tree
She’s got her delusions of heaven and
I got my delusions of grandeur
That’s why our love looks ugly but inside we bubbling with passion
She’s faith and I’m corruption
I volatile and her explosive
Our loves downright dangerous
A mad chemist couldn’t have found a more sinister concoction
All we ever lead to is combustion
Mar 3 2007
(The next three pieces of writing were written in November of 2006 but I didn’t receive the notebook till Christmas and I found the papers these pieces were written on in early march)
Just Another Breakup Note
A million letters written I’ll never send
A million and one thoughts well never share
You destroyed all of my trust and
Corrupted every beautiful thing we ever had
You deceit is insurmountable
I just want to shake you uncontrollably
And tell you how much I hate to love you
My existence depleted the world I once knew gone
Guess there’s nothing left to do then actually believe I’m wrong
This time there’s no break up song
No last slow dance
All that’s lefts is tears and ache
Soon it will all be gone and I’ll be released
My new life a waits, and I suppose it’s like I’m shedding skin
Fake Rape
I don’t hate you, I mean how I could, but then again how could I?
It was me that allowed all the pain and suffering
You claimed to be confused
But you knew exactly what to do and what to say
I blame myself yes it’s true, for real this time it’s my fault
I was blind and that loneliness was deafening
I really shouldn’t have given you all my favorite songs
I should have discarded you like the trash you are
You want to be wicked? Here’s some wicked for you.
I’ll kill your cat and put him in a jar to be pickled
You’ve tainted my trust and poisoned my soul
Let me find a means to show my appreciation and gratitude
How about this you filthy whore?
I’ll give you L.S.D. laced chocolates then when peaking I’ll tell you how your gruesomely dying
Or even better when you’re fucked up for all your deceitful lying
I’ll superglue your eyelids up and make you watch crimes of rape
Yes I think that shall do for now until something better comes to mind
Sentenced
I’m a prisoner here except it’s not my mind confined
It’s my heart that’s done no crime doing hard time
I can’t even fathom the words I need to say
For the accurate message I need to convey
I spend my time worrying about the future
None of which fills my heart with desperately needed sutures
I dream and I yearn for a better simpler life
Yet every time life turns for a good it’s the same ole procedure
In my back insert the knife
I feel like gambling my life away on a card game
I past the point of being emotionally insane
Three horrible attempts at suicide but not a one succeeded
I know what you’re thinking and how I’m a loser
And can he really be that conceited?
I’m driven myself mad with over analyzing
My mind is a battle field without a simple insertion in its vocabulary, compromising
Page 5