(no subject)
Right now, I'm trying so hard to be strong...but every time something big happens, too many big things happen...and then things start to spin and I do stuff...I can't afford to do stuff this time. I'm still paying for last time. A huge portion of all the time I spent at BK this summer has to go to pay for my stupidity. I keep telling myself no pills and so far I have been good. I finally got things together. I know what I want to do with school. Things were better at home...I got used to the fact that Deanna isn't my roommate no matter how much I want her to be...I got over Barry. And yes it's still hard for me to see him with Jen and to see the watch that he bought on our first date. But whenever I see Barry, it's a constant reminder of how I screwed up, how I blew it, how I wasn't good enough...I guess if I would have seen Dan every day it would have been the same thing...but I didn't. Yet at the same time, having to see Barry all the time makes me remember that I can make, I can be strong, and I can eventually put the pieces back together.
I always say that happiness is the worst thing for me to believe in because it kicks me in the ass everytime. It never fails. My dad just likes to make decisions that he insists are the right ones...I don't want to go to church and I don't want to be a nurse....I finally decided what I want to do with my major and I'm not starting over to be a nurse.
Right now, my relationship with Mindi is really shaky...She's really mad and hurt and confused, but I can't really blame her. I didn't want to hurt her but I did...but I'm going to do whatever I can to fix it.
And as for Justin....I'm going to fight for him too. My parents are trying to take him away, but I won't let them...they can't have everything. I don't know exactly how I'm going to make this one work, but I have to. He's the one stable thing I'm counting on having....sometimes it makes it sooooo much easier for me when he tells me certain things....I'm going to keep fighting for everything...I have to.
I always say that happiness is the worst thing for me to believe in because it kicks me in the ass everytime. It never fails. My dad just likes to make decisions that he insists are the right ones...I don't want to go to church and I don't want to be a nurse....I finally decided what I want to do with my major and I'm not starting over to be a nurse.
Right now, my relationship with Mindi is really shaky...She's really mad and hurt and confused, but I can't really blame her. I didn't want to hurt her but I did...but I'm going to do whatever I can to fix it.
And as for Justin....I'm going to fight for him too. My parents are trying to take him away, but I won't let them...they can't have everything. I don't know exactly how I'm going to make this one work, but I have to. He's the one stable thing I'm counting on having....sometimes it makes it sooooo much easier for me when he tells me certain things....I'm going to keep fighting for everything...I have to.