(no subject)
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I hate being stuck in between rocks and hard places. I hate being told to make “my own choices” when either way I’m going to hurt someone. I hate being treated like an adult at all the wrong times. My dad is making write and give my Grams eulogy (she’s not even dead yet), my Gram wants me to go see her in the hospital (I haven’t yet),. HOWEVER my dad and my gram both want my to write the eulogy before I go see her because my dad doesn’t want it to be a sad/sick/depressed anything, and my gram wants to read it and “approve” it. I just don’t think I can do that I don’t think I can even write it much less write while she’s still alive, and while going to the hospital is hard enough for me I have to go with that hanging over my shoulders. I’ve gotten out of it that last two days by using all the excuses that I won’t even admit to myself I’ve been using. I could not go see her, I could hope she just gets better, or I could wait until she dies and trust that she hears whatever it I have to say anyway. Visiting hours are over at 8:30, and I’m not going to work.
i like my own time and space, but i really hate being alone for somethings.
jessika jo