(no subject)
I've come to the conclusion that I don't know what happiness is, nor do I know how to socialize or feel happiness. I see it all around me, but I am plagued by a constant empty feeling. When I get invited to something, I go, sure. But if I know I won't enjoy it, I don't go. That should be an obvious. I long to just sit and talk to someone. Just to get all this stuff off my chest. I hold it back these days because no one wants to listen. I listen to the problems of others and try to offer advice, but still, I get nothing in return.
I understand that others have problems too, so I don't share mine as much. I feel when I try to, no one wants to listen. It's depressing. I have ADD, and I bought a book on it. And I agree with what I've read about adults who have trouble coping with things and that the best way to cope with things is to open up and talk about it, otherwise it plagues your mind day in and day out. It makes me come off as a miserable person. I want to talk to people but the best I get is on AIM. And if that's all i'm worth to you, then I feel pretty worthless. I would lend you an ear in a heartbeat, but in return, I get rejection and feelings of being ignored. I would say "no one understands," but that sounds much too like an emo person. But in some ways, that's how I feel. No one understands. It depresses me.
I admit I have quirks. Many. I may come off as being childish or immature at times, but that's usually what happens when my medication wears off. And it's hard to help from doing that, when they wear off. I'm happiest when I am not on them, I am relaxed and chill and want to laugh and smile, but I can't concentrate and focus, so I find myself on my meds to get the job done and keep focused. At the expense of being more outgoing and enjoying life.
So if someone reads this and thinks, "wow, he's a negative person," honestly, I'm not, I'm just really depressed feeling because I feel lost in my own life and in my own mind. I see so many others achieving their dreams, and I don't even know where I am going or how I am going to get there. I like my job right now. I work on cars. It's fascinating because I get to do hands on work and I can see the results of what I've done, and I feel complete. But it also helps me from focusing on negatives in my life. I don't know what to say other than that.
I wish I didn't feel trapped. There are days when I feel like maybe I am meant to be alone.
-N
I understand that others have problems too, so I don't share mine as much. I feel when I try to, no one wants to listen. It's depressing. I have ADD, and I bought a book on it. And I agree with what I've read about adults who have trouble coping with things and that the best way to cope with things is to open up and talk about it, otherwise it plagues your mind day in and day out. It makes me come off as a miserable person. I want to talk to people but the best I get is on AIM. And if that's all i'm worth to you, then I feel pretty worthless. I would lend you an ear in a heartbeat, but in return, I get rejection and feelings of being ignored. I would say "no one understands," but that sounds much too like an emo person. But in some ways, that's how I feel. No one understands. It depresses me.
I admit I have quirks. Many. I may come off as being childish or immature at times, but that's usually what happens when my medication wears off. And it's hard to help from doing that, when they wear off. I'm happiest when I am not on them, I am relaxed and chill and want to laugh and smile, but I can't concentrate and focus, so I find myself on my meds to get the job done and keep focused. At the expense of being more outgoing and enjoying life.
So if someone reads this and thinks, "wow, he's a negative person," honestly, I'm not, I'm just really depressed feeling because I feel lost in my own life and in my own mind. I see so many others achieving their dreams, and I don't even know where I am going or how I am going to get there. I like my job right now. I work on cars. It's fascinating because I get to do hands on work and I can see the results of what I've done, and I feel complete. But it also helps me from focusing on negatives in my life. I don't know what to say other than that.
I wish I didn't feel trapped. There are days when I feel like maybe I am meant to be alone.
-N