Smallville! The Musical
Sent here via Sabershadowkat's rec page and he also directs you to laurakaye's comment (the first one, I believe) all very hilarious. Seriously wish I had been active in this fandom at its height as it is so very, very awesome :)
Originally posted by 3jane at Smallville!
Jane has a bunny. It involves Smallville and Rodgers & Hammerstein, so consider yourselves warned.
The great, avant-garde musical,
SMALLVILLE!(you know, like OKLAHOMA!)
starring:
Clark Kent as Laurey, the lovely, limpid farm girl, er boy, love-object
Lex Luthor as Curly, the brash, clever cowboy in love and denial
Pete Ross as Will, the impulsive cowboy forever frustrated by his rather unusual girlfriend
Chloe Sullivan as Ado Annie, the unusual girlfriend (casting at Te's request)
Martha Kent as Aunt Eller, the middle-aged woman whose task in life it is to flirt with Lex, er, Curly
Whitney Fordham as Jud, the disturbing hired man who lusts after Laurey (okay, Clark) in ways that they have restraining orders for, these days
Victoria as Gertie, the girl Curly/Lex romps with to convince himself that he's not in love with Clark
The upshot of all this is that everybody has to sing. Lex, for instance, rides into Smallville in his Porsche singing Oh What a Beautiful Morning, hits Clark, dives into the water, and Clark rips the roof off his car.
Cut to Pete, just getting off the bus, bearing pretty things for Chloe. He sings Everything's Up-to-Date in Metropolis and boogies with Martha. Many rather effeminate cowboys dance around them.
Pete visits Chloe at the paper, to give her his gifts, and finds her intimately conversing and giggling with a Kryptonite-mutant with extra hands, all of which are busy.
Pete sulks until the mutant goes away, then sings All Er Nothin' with Chloe. Chloe wins the argument, but Pete's left thinking that he did. All is well.
Meanwhile, the beauteous Clark finishes his swim and finds Chloe about to skinny-dip. She confesses to consorting with mutants while Pete was away. She sings I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No. Clark is amused, and advises Chloe to put more energy into her love life and less into her paranormal investigations. Chloe agrees he's right, but notes it's unlikely she'll actually follow his advice.
Lex and Clark re-encounter one another and flirt for long periods of time, while Martha watches in amusement. Lex offers to take Clark to the box social. Lex, sneakily, offers to bring Clark in his Porsche With No Roof on Top. (What, you thought Lex would go with the horses? Never. The manure factor's too high, and he likes to leave that stuff at work.)
Then, inexplicably, both get distracted by other people. Lex announces he'll be bringing Victoria to the Box Social. Clark retorts that he'll be coming with Whitney. (Okay, I admit Lana would have made more sense, but Jud's a great part, and he's got more personality than the rest of the characters put together, and Kristin Kreuk couldn't play him on a bet. So it's Whitney. Besides, you need two guys to achive the requisite homosexual tension with Curly confronts Jud.)
While they all romp before the box social, the girls and girly boys take a moment to rest inside. Dressed only in their underwear and loosened corsets, the girls watch Clark moon over Lex and Victoria. Abruptly, Clark turns from the window, puts his hands to his corsetted hips, and belts out Many a New Day:
Many a light lad may kiss and fly
A kiss gone by is bygone
Never have I asked an August sky
Where has last July gone
Never have I wandered through the rye
Wondering, where has some guy gone
Many a new day will dawn before I do!
On the last notes, Clark's voice breaks and he dissolves into tears. Chloe gives him a hug.
Meanwhile, Lex disengages himself from Victoria, who slinks off in search of other worlds to conquer. Lex makes his way to the dark shadows where Whitney's brooding. They go together to the bunkhouse (told you this was homoerotic) and Lex starts a campaign of psychological warfare that seems to have as much to do with removing Whitney permenantly as it does with getting the right date for dinner. Whitney contemplates ending his own life while Lex whispers they'll-be-sorry-when-I'm-gone fantasies in his ear.
Eventually, Whitney whirls and kisses Lex frantically. Lex goes with it, then chloroforms Whitney when they break apart. (Not how R&H did it, but this is my version, and there's gonna be smooching, dammit!)
Lex runs for the house, but stops in time to look casual as he arrives. He catches Clark on the porch and draws him away, just as it starts to rain. They smile and touch, then sing People Will Say We're In Love:
Clark:
Don't throw boquets at me
Don't please my folks too much
Don't laugh at my jokes too much
People will say we're in love
Don't start collecting things
Give me my rose and my glove
Sweetheart, they're suspecting things
People will say we're in love
Lex:
Don't praise my charm too much
Don't look so vain with me
Don't stand in the rain with me
People will say we're in love
Don't dance all night iwth me
Til the stars fade from above
They'll see it's alright with me
People will say we're in love
They kiss. Repeatedly. Things get to the point of some superficial layers of clothes missing before Chloe and Pete come tearing around a corner, looking fairly rumpled themselves and grinning stupidly. They drag Lex and Clark into the house, where Jonathan Kent is making a belated appearance. (At this stage, it occurs to Jane that Jonathan should have been cast as jud, but that would just be wrong on so very many levels. There would have been no kissing, and the lust level would have been a lot less fun between Jonathan and Clark than, say, between Lionel and Lex. So, behold, Jonathan now.) The ensemble sings The Farmer and the Businessman Should Be Friends. Clark and Lex kiss. Chloe and Pete kiss too, because this is a musical about two couples, no matter how little it may seem like it.
Abruptly, a many-handed mutant catches Chloe's eye and she dashes out the door, dragging Pete behind her. But it turns out that the mutant is just delivering an urgent press release, and brought it to the box social because that's where Chloe is and it's a mutant who knows the importance of good staging.
Chloe whoops! The press release announces that Kansas has just legalized sodomy, so Clark and Lex can do it to their hearts' content. (What about the whole underage thing, you ask? Shut up.)
Everyone sings a concluding number called Smallville!. The song describes a number of complicated sex acts fairly explicitly, and causes one or two members of the company, probably those whose corsets were tightened too firmly, to faint. Lex and Clark and Pete and Chloe kiss, and the curtain comes down.
roll credits
Originally posted by 3jane at Smallville!
Jane has a bunny. It involves Smallville and Rodgers & Hammerstein, so consider yourselves warned.
The great, avant-garde musical,
SMALLVILLE!(you know, like OKLAHOMA!)
starring:
Clark Kent as Laurey, the lovely, limpid farm girl, er boy, love-object
Lex Luthor as Curly, the brash, clever cowboy in love and denial
Pete Ross as Will, the impulsive cowboy forever frustrated by his rather unusual girlfriend
Chloe Sullivan as Ado Annie, the unusual girlfriend (casting at Te's request)
Martha Kent as Aunt Eller, the middle-aged woman whose task in life it is to flirt with Lex, er, Curly
Whitney Fordham as Jud, the disturbing hired man who lusts after Laurey (okay, Clark) in ways that they have restraining orders for, these days
Victoria as Gertie, the girl Curly/Lex romps with to convince himself that he's not in love with Clark
The upshot of all this is that everybody has to sing. Lex, for instance, rides into Smallville in his Porsche singing Oh What a Beautiful Morning, hits Clark, dives into the water, and Clark rips the roof off his car.
Cut to Pete, just getting off the bus, bearing pretty things for Chloe. He sings Everything's Up-to-Date in Metropolis and boogies with Martha. Many rather effeminate cowboys dance around them.
Pete visits Chloe at the paper, to give her his gifts, and finds her intimately conversing and giggling with a Kryptonite-mutant with extra hands, all of which are busy.
Pete sulks until the mutant goes away, then sings All Er Nothin' with Chloe. Chloe wins the argument, but Pete's left thinking that he did. All is well.
Meanwhile, the beauteous Clark finishes his swim and finds Chloe about to skinny-dip. She confesses to consorting with mutants while Pete was away. She sings I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No. Clark is amused, and advises Chloe to put more energy into her love life and less into her paranormal investigations. Chloe agrees he's right, but notes it's unlikely she'll actually follow his advice.
Lex and Clark re-encounter one another and flirt for long periods of time, while Martha watches in amusement. Lex offers to take Clark to the box social. Lex, sneakily, offers to bring Clark in his Porsche With No Roof on Top. (What, you thought Lex would go with the horses? Never. The manure factor's too high, and he likes to leave that stuff at work.)
Then, inexplicably, both get distracted by other people. Lex announces he'll be bringing Victoria to the Box Social. Clark retorts that he'll be coming with Whitney. (Okay, I admit Lana would have made more sense, but Jud's a great part, and he's got more personality than the rest of the characters put together, and Kristin Kreuk couldn't play him on a bet. So it's Whitney. Besides, you need two guys to achive the requisite homosexual tension with Curly confronts Jud.)
While they all romp before the box social, the girls and girly boys take a moment to rest inside. Dressed only in their underwear and loosened corsets, the girls watch Clark moon over Lex and Victoria. Abruptly, Clark turns from the window, puts his hands to his corsetted hips, and belts out Many a New Day:
Many a light lad may kiss and fly
A kiss gone by is bygone
Never have I asked an August sky
Where has last July gone
Never have I wandered through the rye
Wondering, where has some guy gone
Many a new day will dawn before I do!
On the last notes, Clark's voice breaks and he dissolves into tears. Chloe gives him a hug.
Meanwhile, Lex disengages himself from Victoria, who slinks off in search of other worlds to conquer. Lex makes his way to the dark shadows where Whitney's brooding. They go together to the bunkhouse (told you this was homoerotic) and Lex starts a campaign of psychological warfare that seems to have as much to do with removing Whitney permenantly as it does with getting the right date for dinner. Whitney contemplates ending his own life while Lex whispers they'll-be-sorry-when-I'm-gone fantasies in his ear.
Eventually, Whitney whirls and kisses Lex frantically. Lex goes with it, then chloroforms Whitney when they break apart. (Not how R&H did it, but this is my version, and there's gonna be smooching, dammit!)
Lex runs for the house, but stops in time to look casual as he arrives. He catches Clark on the porch and draws him away, just as it starts to rain. They smile and touch, then sing People Will Say We're In Love:
Clark:
Don't throw boquets at me
Don't please my folks too much
Don't laugh at my jokes too much
People will say we're in love
Don't start collecting things
Give me my rose and my glove
Sweetheart, they're suspecting things
People will say we're in love
Lex:
Don't praise my charm too much
Don't look so vain with me
Don't stand in the rain with me
People will say we're in love
Don't dance all night iwth me
Til the stars fade from above
They'll see it's alright with me
People will say we're in love
They kiss. Repeatedly. Things get to the point of some superficial layers of clothes missing before Chloe and Pete come tearing around a corner, looking fairly rumpled themselves and grinning stupidly. They drag Lex and Clark into the house, where Jonathan Kent is making a belated appearance. (At this stage, it occurs to Jane that Jonathan should have been cast as jud, but that would just be wrong on so very many levels. There would have been no kissing, and the lust level would have been a lot less fun between Jonathan and Clark than, say, between Lionel and Lex. So, behold, Jonathan now.) The ensemble sings The Farmer and the Businessman Should Be Friends. Clark and Lex kiss. Chloe and Pete kiss too, because this is a musical about two couples, no matter how little it may seem like it.
Abruptly, a many-handed mutant catches Chloe's eye and she dashes out the door, dragging Pete behind her. But it turns out that the mutant is just delivering an urgent press release, and brought it to the box social because that's where Chloe is and it's a mutant who knows the importance of good staging.
Chloe whoops! The press release announces that Kansas has just legalized sodomy, so Clark and Lex can do it to their hearts' content. (What about the whole underage thing, you ask? Shut up.)
Everyone sings a concluding number called Smallville!. The song describes a number of complicated sex acts fairly explicitly, and causes one or two members of the company, probably those whose corsets were tightened too firmly, to faint. Lex and Clark and Pete and Chloe kiss, and the curtain comes down.
roll credits