(no subject)
Well yesterday I got in a fight with an another employee, he ended up almost running me over and trying to pull my hair out.(and hes a big boy!!!!) Well then I was talking to Sean about my weight and how fat I have become and havent voiced it to anyone. But voiced it to him b/c the truth is I dont feel good enough for him. He is everything I could ask for.... and I dont think I deserve him. So I work harder and I exercise longer and eat better, and become greater,. And I do all this just so I can see the happiness within his eyes. I want to make him happy b/c hes has ask's so little of me... He doesnt want me to be anything more, or anything less then who I am. He gives me so much by giving such little grief. Its never a competition never a fight. Just equality and reality in one. Which makes life sooo much more easier, and makes me strive to become stronger and more confident!!! Its twisted I know but the turth. It seems people use me when they get bored or need to talk to someone. But I can count on his calls to be because he would rather be talking to me then anyone else. I know he would call me first if he needed cheering up or wanted to share a laugh, to make sure I am ok or just to say goodmorning and tell me about him wishing I was there so we could just talk joke and laugh for hours... This relationship I have with him I cannot explain, its beyond explaination. I have felt so strongly for him but were afriad to say anything for fear of hurting other people but I have learned one thing, if I am happy I should show it and if it DOES make me happy it should make people who love me happy to see me actully happy for once!!!! I have never felt so much for so many things, and not become confused by it, but actully eased by it. I got asked the other day, "are you truly happy" and surprised myself by saying "I couldnt see myself much happier then I am now." life just seems to finally getting better and I am not just trying to tell myself this but actully feel it. But what makes it so great is I give him the same release. I ease his pain, make him smile and laugh. We both love the feeling of eachothers precence and feel completly comfoterable in front of eachother. Im sorry if I am boring you I am just so freaking in Love that I need to tell the world... or atleast feel that way!!! In time you guys will meet him hoefully!! Me and him both arent use to the pda and like just to be inside and watch t.v. playing *A* (meaning one) video game then talk about anything thats been bothering us. We then tell eachother our deepest thoughts and concerns and, think were being to serious so switch into a topic so oddly that we both cant halp it but start laughing and, thinking (ohh ok then....*confused*). I gotta admit hes probably the most randomist (is that a word??) person I have ever met. I now cannot see myself without him and think how unhappy we both would become agian without the support and happiness of eachother. I know my life has changed dramatically since I have met him and I do believe its for the better, and would never EVER let go for anything!!! I couldn't do antyhign that would bring a frown to his face, except close my mouth funny!!! which he thinks it amusing to copy and looks just as funny and stern as I do!!(hey its not my fault braces man braces!!!). But I could right more but I know you are sick of hearing it so I am going to sit here and wait for madeline to call me knowing she was suppose to an hour and a half ago. Thanks madeline and everyone wonders why I feel like I am put aside.... tty all later bye bye yall
.CaReBeAr
.CaReBeAr