faith and confusion
something happened yesterday, no, two days ago? i think. yes.
do you ever ask god for a sign? just to know that things can be okay. to find some sort of peace, and trust that things will work out the way they're meant to be. even if it's not what you want right now. believing that "some of god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."
this is called Faith. a part of it anyway. i suppose that faith is far more expansive than that little paragraph. but it's a part of it. and that part applies to me very much right now.
i took off my cross. i always wear it. with the exception of when i wore the ring on my chain instead, i've worn it since i bought it at the church on the hill in sedona. elyse and i went up there shortly after she came home from having her baby. standing in the tiny church with elyse, i knew i loved her. not like i wanted to marry her, but i wanted to be someone for her, help her get through life, be a friend. i bought us both crosses that day.
i took off my cross, cause i've been questioning my ability to not only help people get through their lives, but simply get through my own. it didn't hold the meaning that it used to.
i've been struggling with having hope and faith for the last three weeks, since dave and i haven't spoken to each other. i wonder what will happen, and if i will get past it all. or even if i want to get past it. i mean, how good is the love if you can forget it? i'd like to think that i won't forget it. i haven't yet. but 3 weeks isn't very long as far as life is concerned. i can't quite believe that this is forever. that's a long time.
so i struggle every day with the consequences of the choices that i've made. and wonder if i could have changed it. i don't know. i can't know. i can only wonder, and that won't make anything different, or better. and i guess i've started to accept that.
i asked for a sign, from god or something, and i received it. it's as obvious as they come. junior showed up at work today, and i had not seen him since melissa's birthday. he had a bracelet which i stole. written on the bracelet, a single word.
FAITH .
in caps and bolded just like you see here. that was my sign. that's what i can look at when i get angry, or sad, or frustrated, when i don't know what to think. i can read that, and believe that things will work out the way they are meant to. just like my mom says. i'll have that love and happiness again one day, whether it's with him or someone else. it's a fact that i'll find it again.
do you ever ask god for a sign? just to know that things can be okay. to find some sort of peace, and trust that things will work out the way they're meant to be. even if it's not what you want right now. believing that "some of god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."
this is called Faith. a part of it anyway. i suppose that faith is far more expansive than that little paragraph. but it's a part of it. and that part applies to me very much right now.
i took off my cross. i always wear it. with the exception of when i wore the ring on my chain instead, i've worn it since i bought it at the church on the hill in sedona. elyse and i went up there shortly after she came home from having her baby. standing in the tiny church with elyse, i knew i loved her. not like i wanted to marry her, but i wanted to be someone for her, help her get through life, be a friend. i bought us both crosses that day.
i took off my cross, cause i've been questioning my ability to not only help people get through their lives, but simply get through my own. it didn't hold the meaning that it used to.
i've been struggling with having hope and faith for the last three weeks, since dave and i haven't spoken to each other. i wonder what will happen, and if i will get past it all. or even if i want to get past it. i mean, how good is the love if you can forget it? i'd like to think that i won't forget it. i haven't yet. but 3 weeks isn't very long as far as life is concerned. i can't quite believe that this is forever. that's a long time.
so i struggle every day with the consequences of the choices that i've made. and wonder if i could have changed it. i don't know. i can't know. i can only wonder, and that won't make anything different, or better. and i guess i've started to accept that.
i asked for a sign, from god or something, and i received it. it's as obvious as they come. junior showed up at work today, and i had not seen him since melissa's birthday. he had a bracelet which i stole. written on the bracelet, a single word.
FAITH .
in caps and bolded just like you see here. that was my sign. that's what i can look at when i get angry, or sad, or frustrated, when i don't know what to think. i can read that, and believe that things will work out the way they are meant to. just like my mom says. i'll have that love and happiness again one day, whether it's with him or someone else. it's a fact that i'll find it again.