just a little feeling...
so i want a guy to write me songs...and sing to me..maybe play the guitar or the piano. i think it would be the sweetest thing. I dont want him to do it because i asked him to..i want it to be a random idea that pops into his head. i want to be with a guy who loves music as much as i do...and who isnt closed minded about music or other things.
I also would like to be able to write a guy a song and not feel like an idiot.. for some reason when ever i do something like that it feels wrong. who knows maybe i havent met the right person to do that for. i dont know. i feel like the guys im attracted to..and the guys i actualy end up going out with are never the same..actualy...they arent. eh..i guess its what ever. that might be one of the reasons im never truly happy in a relationship. Or maybe its the fact that im severely screwed up when it comes to guys..and my emotions.
I have decided that I make things to easy for myself. I dont aim high for anything really. I think its something I need to change. I didnt really aim to high with my pick in colleges...and I dont really have any high expectations for graduating with honors or anything (although thats been clear since 9th grade) and I have no idea what it is I want to do with my life. that is making me super angry.
I guess its ok that I dont know what i want to do. Part of me just wants to pick up and go travel. It seems so flipping easy in the movies it makes me angry. of course they dont mention that that random bus ticket costs 200 dollars..or that the hotel costs 50 dollars a night. Anythings possible if you put your mind to it...YEAH RIGHT.
Im trying really hard to find a job..its a little hard..and it makes me angry when everyone around me is getting jobs so easily...willie deffinately sat in physics telling me that it only took him a month to find a job..and that he has another one lined up...blah blah blah..shut the fuck up cuz i dont give a damn about your shitty as job. and then emily keeps switching jobs like nothing else man. whoa...does that drive me nuts. Jenny says that i could apply to pelly-g's but im not to sure if i want to. i deffiantely wouldnt mind working with her..its just the rest of the people there. it would basicaly be my first job..and i dont know if i could handle that.. i think i might rather work at m-donalds or something..
I dont know..all I know is that I want money really flipping bad..and I should do something about it soon or else im gonna go nuts.
So im pretty excited about alfred state..and I hope that they find it out of the kindness of their hearts to except me into their culinary arts program. I want to go there so badly.
When we get back from break....I think im gonna change my first period class. Part of me doesnt want to..im kind of afraid that my vioce is going..like im starting to suck or something..but there are times when im like WHOA AMALIA...you sound great.
I love music...love it love it love it. Im itching to get away and travel for some reason. I want to get my drivers licence..by a really cheap car..and just be on my way. i think it would be great. I want to see california again..I want to notice the differences in the houses and the smells and the people..and the little things like the way people talk..or the way the tv programs change just a little..or what they say on the radio. I want to see their malls..go into a vintage store...i want to meet a boy..someone who i can tell all of my friends about...someone who might actualy want to come home with me because it will be an adventure. I want to have lots of adventures..and if I go to college..im afraid that I will never be able to do so...and if I do get to do it..then I will have a husband..or a child..or both...idk. I want to be free on my own for a little while.
I wouldnt mind being a single parent.. I think it would be awesome to travel with my kid when they were little..but when they turned 4 or 5 we would have to stop moving so that they could get into school and make friends..and be social and what ever.
I love kids...and i want to have them soon...i dont want to be one of those old mothers..I love the fact that my mom is young. I know that its hard..i've seen people go through it..I know that i could handle it..its actualy one of the only things im positive i could handle..and would love doing for the rest of my life. I dont think i want to raise my kids in rochester though...thats part of the reason why I want to travel..to see where i want to live and spend the rest of my life. I would visit rochester..for my mom and friends and brother..i just dont think i want to live here for the rest of my life.
There are so many things i want to do..oh my gosh..i cant even write them all down..part of me cant remember half of them at the moment..but I will know them when it comes to my head..or someone asks me to do something.
I want to sing in front of thousands of people..and not suck..and look great..
I also want to be skinny...I dont care if im a little bit chunky..but the way i look now deffinately has to go. and that is my goal for when i go to college..to be rid of this excess weight..and im just dying to know how people are going to treat me different..cuz i know that they will.
I just want to know what its like to be skinny...because i cant remember ever feeling skinny..even when i was..
that sucks major butt.
i hope i reach my goal...
sorry for ranting.
-amalia lyn.
I also would like to be able to write a guy a song and not feel like an idiot.. for some reason when ever i do something like that it feels wrong. who knows maybe i havent met the right person to do that for. i dont know. i feel like the guys im attracted to..and the guys i actualy end up going out with are never the same..actualy...they arent. eh..i guess its what ever. that might be one of the reasons im never truly happy in a relationship. Or maybe its the fact that im severely screwed up when it comes to guys..and my emotions.
I have decided that I make things to easy for myself. I dont aim high for anything really. I think its something I need to change. I didnt really aim to high with my pick in colleges...and I dont really have any high expectations for graduating with honors or anything (although thats been clear since 9th grade) and I have no idea what it is I want to do with my life. that is making me super angry.
I guess its ok that I dont know what i want to do. Part of me just wants to pick up and go travel. It seems so flipping easy in the movies it makes me angry. of course they dont mention that that random bus ticket costs 200 dollars..or that the hotel costs 50 dollars a night. Anythings possible if you put your mind to it...YEAH RIGHT.
Im trying really hard to find a job..its a little hard..and it makes me angry when everyone around me is getting jobs so easily...willie deffinately sat in physics telling me that it only took him a month to find a job..and that he has another one lined up...blah blah blah..shut the fuck up cuz i dont give a damn about your shitty as job. and then emily keeps switching jobs like nothing else man. whoa...does that drive me nuts. Jenny says that i could apply to pelly-g's but im not to sure if i want to. i deffiantely wouldnt mind working with her..its just the rest of the people there. it would basicaly be my first job..and i dont know if i could handle that.. i think i might rather work at m-donalds or something..
I dont know..all I know is that I want money really flipping bad..and I should do something about it soon or else im gonna go nuts.
So im pretty excited about alfred state..and I hope that they find it out of the kindness of their hearts to except me into their culinary arts program. I want to go there so badly.
When we get back from break....I think im gonna change my first period class. Part of me doesnt want to..im kind of afraid that my vioce is going..like im starting to suck or something..but there are times when im like WHOA AMALIA...you sound great.
I love music...love it love it love it. Im itching to get away and travel for some reason. I want to get my drivers licence..by a really cheap car..and just be on my way. i think it would be great. I want to see california again..I want to notice the differences in the houses and the smells and the people..and the little things like the way people talk..or the way the tv programs change just a little..or what they say on the radio. I want to see their malls..go into a vintage store...i want to meet a boy..someone who i can tell all of my friends about...someone who might actualy want to come home with me because it will be an adventure. I want to have lots of adventures..and if I go to college..im afraid that I will never be able to do so...and if I do get to do it..then I will have a husband..or a child..or both...idk. I want to be free on my own for a little while.
I wouldnt mind being a single parent.. I think it would be awesome to travel with my kid when they were little..but when they turned 4 or 5 we would have to stop moving so that they could get into school and make friends..and be social and what ever.
I love kids...and i want to have them soon...i dont want to be one of those old mothers..I love the fact that my mom is young. I know that its hard..i've seen people go through it..I know that i could handle it..its actualy one of the only things im positive i could handle..and would love doing for the rest of my life. I dont think i want to raise my kids in rochester though...thats part of the reason why I want to travel..to see where i want to live and spend the rest of my life. I would visit rochester..for my mom and friends and brother..i just dont think i want to live here for the rest of my life.
There are so many things i want to do..oh my gosh..i cant even write them all down..part of me cant remember half of them at the moment..but I will know them when it comes to my head..or someone asks me to do something.
I want to sing in front of thousands of people..and not suck..and look great..
I also want to be skinny...I dont care if im a little bit chunky..but the way i look now deffinately has to go. and that is my goal for when i go to college..to be rid of this excess weight..and im just dying to know how people are going to treat me different..cuz i know that they will.
I just want to know what its like to be skinny...because i cant remember ever feeling skinny..even when i was..
that sucks major butt.
i hope i reach my goal...
sorry for ranting.
-amalia lyn.