Praise the Lord, Motherfucker.
- I so very badly want to have a Dead Poets Society of my own.
Have you seen that Burger King commercial for their 'chicken fries' with the talking chickens? Two chickens, who were very ghetto indeed, ostracize another chicken for hanging out with french fries, to which that brave lone chicken replies 'Maybe I do!' Never before, in any commercial, have I seen a food so willing to die. Only maybe the Kool-Aid man shares this sense of pride in aiding other glasses filled with the same life-blood toward their deaths.
OH YEAH!
- So the Christian faction is finally fighting back the morally reprehensible world around us by creating a video game that embodies the dictum of fighting fire with fire. They believe they could combat the secular gaming market with like-minded party games like "The Bible Game." And if "The Bible Game" is to "Mario Party," then "Left Behind: Eternal Forces" is to both the "Command and Conquer" and "Grand Theft Auto" series.
I am not joking.
- The goal of "Left Behind: Eternal Forces," which is based on the best-selling novels about the Biblical rapture, is to go about a post-apocalyptic New York City converting non-believers (anyone who is not a conservative Evangelical, including moderate Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, men dressed in very fabulous clothing, etc.) to your army which fights the forces of the Antichrist. The Antichrist, of course, has taken over the United Nations and utilizes it for his plans for world domination.
- Still not joking. I know, you're thinking "That's way too subtle a commentary for a game of this magnitude." But it's true. Satan controls the nations of the world. And he's kicking ass and taking names in New York.
The developers of the game promise a 'Christian' game with all the 'cool stuff' to attract the more secular players. This includes a realistic representation of New York City, by scanning over 500 blocks of real New York City blocks. This way, the fire and brimstone surrounding NYC is more powerful in it's depiction of the 9/11 environment. Races and denominations all pit against one another in an epic battle of violence and gore. For even more "cool" and "Christian" elements of the game, consider the dialogue. Not much has been said about the game so far, but when a heathen refuses to convert to conservative Evangelical Christianity for the sake of saving his soul (which, one would think if they did, they would immediately be taken up to heaven, at least according to the plot of the game), you blow him or her away. Armed to the teeth with high-tech weaponry, if you're not using it to eliminate Satan's forces, you use it to kill regular folks like you and me. And when you do, your character screams at the top of his lungs (and I am NOT making this up!) "Praise the Lord!"
What makes the game even more questionable in it's execution is the fact that in some modes of game play, you can switch sides and play for the side of evil. Maybe this is Christians taking a more subtle role of being more open minded. Or just some more of the 'cool stuff' they promised.
- And what a time to make such a game! Still in a Post-9/11 world, they truly attempt at recreating the hectic environment of that day by painting the portrait of NYC with burning, demolished buildings and people fighting amongst one another. Even the ambulances at painted with the numbers '911' on top, whereas real ambulances have a red cross on their tops. And with wars breaking out all over the Middle East, they may have an edge on the market given the fear of Christian parents looking for a game for their very secular children, and the willing-to-die Nintendo pilots getting ready for war.
Praise the Lord!
- I work at two pizzerias as a delivery boy. They each have their ups and downs, their smiles and frowns. Namely those of the kids who are excited, regardless of the elapsed time between the call and my arrival, who scream 'Peetsah may-in!' and the parents who are pissed no matter what. And the fat guys who are pissed no matter what happens to them.
- I have yet to experience that grotesquely explicit and cliche pizza delivery story. You know which one I'm talking about. When it happens, I'll tell you all about it when you're older.
You really have to think about the state of how long Castro has held out. What if he's been dead for years, and has really been replaced constantly, all in the name of conserving Communism?
Ain't nothin' but a G-thang baby.
- I love you with all my heart.
[After Bart is wrongfully accused of stealing the money from the church's collection plate, Lisa reads the offertory reading the following week, calling for the real thief to come clean.]
Lisa: "There is someone among us with a guilty conscience. After much soul-searching I decided it would be wrong of me to name names. But I urge that guilty person here, under the eyes of God, to come forward -- to confess, and save yourself from the torment of your own personal hell!"
Skinner: "Aah! I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam!"
Abe: "I was the one who canceled 'Star Trek'!"
Dr. Hibbert: "I left my Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick!"
Have you seen that Burger King commercial for their 'chicken fries' with the talking chickens? Two chickens, who were very ghetto indeed, ostracize another chicken for hanging out with french fries, to which that brave lone chicken replies 'Maybe I do!' Never before, in any commercial, have I seen a food so willing to die. Only maybe the Kool-Aid man shares this sense of pride in aiding other glasses filled with the same life-blood toward their deaths.
OH YEAH!
- So the Christian faction is finally fighting back the morally reprehensible world around us by creating a video game that embodies the dictum of fighting fire with fire. They believe they could combat the secular gaming market with like-minded party games like "The Bible Game." And if "The Bible Game" is to "Mario Party," then "Left Behind: Eternal Forces" is to both the "Command and Conquer" and "Grand Theft Auto" series.
I am not joking.
- The goal of "Left Behind: Eternal Forces," which is based on the best-selling novels about the Biblical rapture, is to go about a post-apocalyptic New York City converting non-believers (anyone who is not a conservative Evangelical, including moderate Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, men dressed in very fabulous clothing, etc.) to your army which fights the forces of the Antichrist. The Antichrist, of course, has taken over the United Nations and utilizes it for his plans for world domination.
- Still not joking. I know, you're thinking "That's way too subtle a commentary for a game of this magnitude." But it's true. Satan controls the nations of the world. And he's kicking ass and taking names in New York.
The developers of the game promise a 'Christian' game with all the 'cool stuff' to attract the more secular players. This includes a realistic representation of New York City, by scanning over 500 blocks of real New York City blocks. This way, the fire and brimstone surrounding NYC is more powerful in it's depiction of the 9/11 environment. Races and denominations all pit against one another in an epic battle of violence and gore. For even more "cool" and "Christian" elements of the game, consider the dialogue. Not much has been said about the game so far, but when a heathen refuses to convert to conservative Evangelical Christianity for the sake of saving his soul (which, one would think if they did, they would immediately be taken up to heaven, at least according to the plot of the game), you blow him or her away. Armed to the teeth with high-tech weaponry, if you're not using it to eliminate Satan's forces, you use it to kill regular folks like you and me. And when you do, your character screams at the top of his lungs (and I am NOT making this up!) "Praise the Lord!"
What makes the game even more questionable in it's execution is the fact that in some modes of game play, you can switch sides and play for the side of evil. Maybe this is Christians taking a more subtle role of being more open minded. Or just some more of the 'cool stuff' they promised.
- And what a time to make such a game! Still in a Post-9/11 world, they truly attempt at recreating the hectic environment of that day by painting the portrait of NYC with burning, demolished buildings and people fighting amongst one another. Even the ambulances at painted with the numbers '911' on top, whereas real ambulances have a red cross on their tops. And with wars breaking out all over the Middle East, they may have an edge on the market given the fear of Christian parents looking for a game for their very secular children, and the willing-to-die Nintendo pilots getting ready for war.
Praise the Lord!
- I work at two pizzerias as a delivery boy. They each have their ups and downs, their smiles and frowns. Namely those of the kids who are excited, regardless of the elapsed time between the call and my arrival, who scream 'Peetsah may-in!' and the parents who are pissed no matter what. And the fat guys who are pissed no matter what happens to them.
- I have yet to experience that grotesquely explicit and cliche pizza delivery story. You know which one I'm talking about. When it happens, I'll tell you all about it when you're older.
You really have to think about the state of how long Castro has held out. What if he's been dead for years, and has really been replaced constantly, all in the name of conserving Communism?
Ain't nothin' but a G-thang baby.
- I love you with all my heart.
[After Bart is wrongfully accused of stealing the money from the church's collection plate, Lisa reads the offertory reading the following week, calling for the real thief to come clean.]
Lisa: "There is someone among us with a guilty conscience. After much soul-searching I decided it would be wrong of me to name names. But I urge that guilty person here, under the eyes of God, to come forward -- to confess, and save yourself from the torment of your own personal hell!"
Skinner: "Aah! I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam!"
Abe: "I was the one who canceled 'Star Trek'!"
Dr. Hibbert: "I left my Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick!"