The ManDate
Disclaimer - the arguments contained herein are meant for no one individual in particular, but culled from responses I received from this post - both on this site and in various conversations.
So, as I had alluded in a previous post, M. is planning a visit back to his alma mater to hang out with a bunch of old college buddies next weekend. It's something they did last year as well, and the reason he stated for not inviting me was sleeping arrangements (they weren't going to be getting hotel rooms, but rather camping out on someone's floor...as though I've never done this, but still, I understand it is difficult to just bring along an extra body when this is the case) - and that they may be talking about WoW the whole time so I might find it boring. I then posited, why are you going if it's going to be so tiresome and boring? Or do you just think that I would be bored (because of course I can't do non-normative things and not be bored out of my mind, right?)? The latter seems the case and I'm a little flabbergasted, because M. and I geek out over DDR together, we play frisbee golf, snowboard, we eat greasy diner food together, we make crass jokes and enjoy absurd internet finds (while I still refuse to watch one guy one cup, I'm pretty confident I could eat pizza through the whole gruesome affair) AND I scream louder at the TV during hockey. He's gone to poetry readings and concerts and opera with me, he's read and heard my poems, cooked with me, washed dishes regularly, and all sorts of other non-"manly" things. While I am glad that M. does not esteem or cling to the idea of "dude time", I feel he is often complicit in the culture of girls-go-here-boys-go-there socialization. I don't blame him, but I wish he would question his assumptions a little more critically.
Basically, my point is this: separate is NOT equal. When will men understand that we are not all delicate ladyflowers who must be sheltered from the rude man talk and that YES, they can be 'themselves' around us. If you can't be yourself around a woman, it begs the question, why should I trust you? Why should I value you if you can't be a sincere person and you have to wear some kind of lady-appropriate mask in order to interact with me?
If you are STILL not convinced that women are incapable of the grossitude of man talk, I beg you to read this. Though, be warned, if you are a dude who is still afraid of women's bodily functions, or bodily functions in general, I would suggest you skip it, though this too begs the question, why (if you are straight) do you fuck women you can't stand to be open with or see openly? I am of the school that there is no such goddamn thing as TMI. We are information processing and storing machines by nature, humans. Keep the information out of the silence, keep it flowing around (and I DO mean flowing!), because it is beautiful, and necessary (to tell nasty tampon stories). In short, don't let's isolate each other('s voices) more than we already are.
So, as I had alluded in a previous post, M. is planning a visit back to his alma mater to hang out with a bunch of old college buddies next weekend. It's something they did last year as well, and the reason he stated for not inviting me was sleeping arrangements (they weren't going to be getting hotel rooms, but rather camping out on someone's floor...as though I've never done this, but still, I understand it is difficult to just bring along an extra body when this is the case) - and that they may be talking about WoW the whole time so I might find it boring. I then posited, why are you going if it's going to be so tiresome and boring? Or do you just think that I would be bored (because of course I can't do non-normative things and not be bored out of my mind, right?)? The latter seems the case and I'm a little flabbergasted, because M. and I geek out over DDR together, we play frisbee golf, snowboard, we eat greasy diner food together, we make crass jokes and enjoy absurd internet finds (while I still refuse to watch one guy one cup, I'm pretty confident I could eat pizza through the whole gruesome affair) AND I scream louder at the TV during hockey. He's gone to poetry readings and concerts and opera with me, he's read and heard my poems, cooked with me, washed dishes regularly, and all sorts of other non-"manly" things. While I am glad that M. does not esteem or cling to the idea of "dude time", I feel he is often complicit in the culture of girls-go-here-boys-go-there socialization. I don't blame him, but I wish he would question his assumptions a little more critically.
Basically, my point is this: separate is NOT equal. When will men understand that we are not all delicate ladyflowers who must be sheltered from the rude man talk and that YES, they can be 'themselves' around us. If you can't be yourself around a woman, it begs the question, why should I trust you? Why should I value you if you can't be a sincere person and you have to wear some kind of lady-appropriate mask in order to interact with me?
If you are STILL not convinced that women are incapable of the grossitude of man talk, I beg you to read this. Though, be warned, if you are a dude who is still afraid of women's bodily functions, or bodily functions in general, I would suggest you skip it, though this too begs the question, why (if you are straight) do you fuck women you can't stand to be open with or see openly? I am of the school that there is no such goddamn thing as TMI. We are information processing and storing machines by nature, humans. Keep the information out of the silence, keep it flowing around (and I DO mean flowing!), because it is beautiful, and necessary (to tell nasty tampon stories). In short, don't let's isolate each other('s voices) more than we already are.