Some thoughts
With seemingly everybody from the graduating class of 2002 getting married, the pressure is on for us to grow up and settle down. People feel this pressure whether they are in a relationship that doesn't seem to progress anywhere, or freshly single, or even those that feel as if they have been cursed with an eternally single existance.
Settle down? Some of us fresh out of high school were ready to do so. People such as Jaimi Bollinger. Some people you figured would take the longest to settle down such as Pam Conneran or JD Wetlaufer are engaged and soon-to-be married. Sometimes I wonder if I ever went wrong. A guy at my work talked fairly disgustedly about guys that are assholes to women, but somehow they flock to him. The funny part is that he's kind of a jerk to a girl at my work and even though he has a girlfriend, the girl at our work is totally smitten for him. He despises guys that are much like him when it comes to how they treat women. So where does this leave nice guys? Well, the problem with nice guys is that it's not that there's always necessarily a lack of women. Just a lack of women we are attracted to.
I was ready to settle down. But was I really? Looking back I realize the two weeks that it took for me to come to the conclusion that I was ready were filled with emotion and a very long hospital visit and that I wasn't thinking rationally. But it's love so who does? Love is irrational, that's why it's emotion, not logic. There I go thinking with the wrong part of my brain. (I'll have to ask Tregan which one it is).
A friend of mine recently became single after a relationship of over two years. Three weeks later and he started dating another girl exclusively. Needless to say, my friend was not to happy about this. Who would be? Two years tossed down the drain? It happens in movies all the time, why not real life? They break up, the guy goes for another girl and they live happily ever after? Except for the girl who finds herself single usually has some sort of glaring personality flaw that the movie exposes and parades around like a pink elephant at a circus. The funny part about the "broken hearted girl" is that I have known her for years and in all of the years that I have known her, I have never been aware of any apparent flaws. Perhaps it was because I was blinded for years by my own feelings for her, but even after they had begun to fade I still didn't see any glaring difficulties one would have dating her.
The same friend read a book called "He's Just Not THAT Into You," where the author describes things such as "he's not that into you if he doesn't call." Perhaps it's just me that when I like someone, I'm a chickenshit and don't do anything about it (actually that's exactly what it is) but I don't find many of the things that the book describes to be true. It implies that all men are very upfront and blunt about their feelings, whereas many are not.
The same friend again, I had feelings for all throughout high school, but did I EVER say ANYTHING? Heck no. It's so much easier to deal with feelings when you don't know what the other person thinks or feels. I was starkly surprised two years ago when I first found out they were dating because I found myself slightly jealous. Of course, being my normal self, I dismissed it and went back to college, but on every break, I always felt a pang of jealousy when the name was brought up. In talking with my friend Matt, I realized this summer that I finally have come to terms with their relationship and accepted it. Why did it take so long? I don't know. It wasn't consciously. It was one of those things I found myself totally unaware of.
As all things go, once they become easy, they actually become harder. For when I finally come to terms with it, they break up, sending me even deeper into the already dizzying pool of emotion. That book that she read even says that distance doesn't matter if he's THAT into you. Distance does matter. At least I thought so. Then again, if I was away for years and still found myself with feelings whenever I came back up then the distance really didn't matter, right?
But what does one do when the pressure is on to "settle down?" The key is not to rush into anything. Take all the time you need. Take more time than you think you need. Live life. Enjoy it. You have years of life ahead of you and 21 and fresh out of school is hardly enough time to enjoy the freedom of being independant. Breath in the fresh air and think to yourself "what a wonderful world."
Settle down? Some of us fresh out of high school were ready to do so. People such as Jaimi Bollinger. Some people you figured would take the longest to settle down such as Pam Conneran or JD Wetlaufer are engaged and soon-to-be married. Sometimes I wonder if I ever went wrong. A guy at my work talked fairly disgustedly about guys that are assholes to women, but somehow they flock to him. The funny part is that he's kind of a jerk to a girl at my work and even though he has a girlfriend, the girl at our work is totally smitten for him. He despises guys that are much like him when it comes to how they treat women. So where does this leave nice guys? Well, the problem with nice guys is that it's not that there's always necessarily a lack of women. Just a lack of women we are attracted to.
I was ready to settle down. But was I really? Looking back I realize the two weeks that it took for me to come to the conclusion that I was ready were filled with emotion and a very long hospital visit and that I wasn't thinking rationally. But it's love so who does? Love is irrational, that's why it's emotion, not logic. There I go thinking with the wrong part of my brain. (I'll have to ask Tregan which one it is).
A friend of mine recently became single after a relationship of over two years. Three weeks later and he started dating another girl exclusively. Needless to say, my friend was not to happy about this. Who would be? Two years tossed down the drain? It happens in movies all the time, why not real life? They break up, the guy goes for another girl and they live happily ever after? Except for the girl who finds herself single usually has some sort of glaring personality flaw that the movie exposes and parades around like a pink elephant at a circus. The funny part about the "broken hearted girl" is that I have known her for years and in all of the years that I have known her, I have never been aware of any apparent flaws. Perhaps it was because I was blinded for years by my own feelings for her, but even after they had begun to fade I still didn't see any glaring difficulties one would have dating her.
The same friend read a book called "He's Just Not THAT Into You," where the author describes things such as "he's not that into you if he doesn't call." Perhaps it's just me that when I like someone, I'm a chickenshit and don't do anything about it (actually that's exactly what it is) but I don't find many of the things that the book describes to be true. It implies that all men are very upfront and blunt about their feelings, whereas many are not.
The same friend again, I had feelings for all throughout high school, but did I EVER say ANYTHING? Heck no. It's so much easier to deal with feelings when you don't know what the other person thinks or feels. I was starkly surprised two years ago when I first found out they were dating because I found myself slightly jealous. Of course, being my normal self, I dismissed it and went back to college, but on every break, I always felt a pang of jealousy when the name was brought up. In talking with my friend Matt, I realized this summer that I finally have come to terms with their relationship and accepted it. Why did it take so long? I don't know. It wasn't consciously. It was one of those things I found myself totally unaware of.
As all things go, once they become easy, they actually become harder. For when I finally come to terms with it, they break up, sending me even deeper into the already dizzying pool of emotion. That book that she read even says that distance doesn't matter if he's THAT into you. Distance does matter. At least I thought so. Then again, if I was away for years and still found myself with feelings whenever I came back up then the distance really didn't matter, right?
But what does one do when the pressure is on to "settle down?" The key is not to rush into anything. Take all the time you need. Take more time than you think you need. Live life. Enjoy it. You have years of life ahead of you and 21 and fresh out of school is hardly enough time to enjoy the freedom of being independant. Breath in the fresh air and think to yourself "what a wonderful world."