ramblings from four am.
This is something I wrote in my real journal very, very early this morning:
I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm bad with closure. I get stressed and freak out and shut down. RIght now I find my range with Aaron is either too emotional or almost completely closed off. I am really concerned about how I will be after he leaves. I don't know what will happen. I'm going to lose my roommate, love, best friend, drinking/smoking buddy and constant companion. I'm going to be alone. I don't like that feeling. God, this is so upsetting. I don't even know who to talk to.
I definitely think these next two weeks are just the beginning of wandering through the unknown for awhile. I'm beginning to have some doubts about my decision to return East. I really feel it is the right move, but I don't want to leave this place. Maybe Juneau can be my light at the end of the tunnel for a bit.
Wow, exactly two weeks from now I will be at the start of my ferry cruise through Southeast. I am not really looking forward to leaving and being back on the East Coast, but I am excited about the ferry. It is going to be a good way to get some closure. I want to get myself a chair in the Solarium and spend a lot of time reflecting and thinking about everything I've learned and expperienced. I'm hoping to sit in my bubble and write and smoke and read and listen to music and knit. Becky and Anna will also be on the ferry so I'm sure we'll spend some time together as well. I really hope to see the lights on the ferry, that would be amazing.
Yeah, that sums up a good bit of what all is going on in my life right now.
I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm bad with closure. I get stressed and freak out and shut down. RIght now I find my range with Aaron is either too emotional or almost completely closed off. I am really concerned about how I will be after he leaves. I don't know what will happen. I'm going to lose my roommate, love, best friend, drinking/smoking buddy and constant companion. I'm going to be alone. I don't like that feeling. God, this is so upsetting. I don't even know who to talk to.
I definitely think these next two weeks are just the beginning of wandering through the unknown for awhile. I'm beginning to have some doubts about my decision to return East. I really feel it is the right move, but I don't want to leave this place. Maybe Juneau can be my light at the end of the tunnel for a bit.
Wow, exactly two weeks from now I will be at the start of my ferry cruise through Southeast. I am not really looking forward to leaving and being back on the East Coast, but I am excited about the ferry. It is going to be a good way to get some closure. I want to get myself a chair in the Solarium and spend a lot of time reflecting and thinking about everything I've learned and expperienced. I'm hoping to sit in my bubble and write and smoke and read and listen to music and knit. Becky and Anna will also be on the ferry so I'm sure we'll spend some time together as well. I really hope to see the lights on the ferry, that would be amazing.
Yeah, that sums up a good bit of what all is going on in my life right now.