this is really edited.
In the light of day, I am still very depressed, but I don't feel so self-destructive. I still feel insecure, but better than I did before. I don't want to be dependent on other(s). I look at myself this way and think, how did this happen? I don't want it and I don't like it, but I don't know how to change it. Everybody wants to be loved. I want that, especially from the person I love so much. I think that everyone just loves differently, and everybody wants a different kind of love. But we'll (I'll, I guess) have to work through what each of us wants and how much each of us is willing to give. I don't know. I feel insecure about a lot of things right now, not just love. But when my boyfriend does not manifest things the way I need (want?) him to, it all seems to come to a head around that. I think once I'm done with university and back in the Valley, things will seem a lot less scary. Until then, baby steps, I guess. Thanks, everyone.
PS Believe it or not, Oingo Boingo is helping me out here. "No One Lives Forever" is a pretty good anthem. Don't worry, it's not as nihilistic as it seems from the title.
PS Believe it or not, Oingo Boingo is helping me out here. "No One Lives Forever" is a pretty good anthem. Don't worry, it's not as nihilistic as it seems from the title.