I'm not settling.

[beatl23]

I've been thinking a lot lately about the past. I guess that's what always happens when I travel home...Tony and I managed to visit all of the other places I lived prior to Georgia, which isn't that many, but it's still a trek. While showing him around, I began thinking about how we change when we get older. I'm still a nut, but I think that I'

Comments

[franceswu]

Well I'm glad that you are choosing "conscious living" instead of settling down into boredom etc. Actually, reflecting on our earlier discussion this week, I think the thing that makes me feel most adult is that I've come to a place in my life where I want commitments.

I've decided that there's an awful lot in late adolescence that encourages us to tune out, disengage, become self-absorbed, seek your own path, and all the other existential bullshit that's thrown at us as the means to finding personal happiness.

It used to scare the crap out of me to think about "cutting myself off from possibilities". I was always so worried about making the wrong choices or giving up potential opportunities. I think the biggest change for me is in the realization that I know myself well enough that I'm not afraid of making commitments.

I want to be committed; I want to be held accountable; I want people to bitch at me when I don't show up; I want to have things to devote myself to and tangible physical, social, intellectual and emotional rewards and experiences because of my willingness to be engaged by life. That to me is what it means to be an adult, right now, at 28, on the brink of marriage. I'm excited beyond what I can convey that I'm getting the chance to make those kinds of commitments.